Ask HN: What’s wrong with me
37 comments
You're depressed. Clinically depressed.
Those things you are feeling are as real to you as your own right hand, but they are lies your "broken" sensors are feeding you.
I know perfectly well that it doesn't seem like there is anything that can help right now, but listen to the advice the good people of this place are about to pour out in here and try it anyway.
It does get better. It really does.
I can say it with certainty because I've been there, all the way there, and come back.
Those things you are feeling are as real to you as your own right hand, but they are lies your "broken" sensors are feeding you.
I know perfectly well that it doesn't seem like there is anything that can help right now, but listen to the advice the good people of this place are about to pour out in here and try it anyway.
It does get better. It really does.
I can say it with certainty because I've been there, all the way there, and come back.
It never gets better, one just becomes used to it and good at managing it.
With a sample space of exactly one, that's not my experience at all. It absolutely got better for me. Much better.
I don’t know if this is what you mean: I have learned to pretend like I care. To put on a smile on my kids’ birthdays, when deep inside I feel sorry for them. They are so happy now, not suspecting what awaits them when they grow up.
It doesn’t have to happen to them, they can grow up as happy as they are now. One good reason to seek help for yourself, and recover from your depression, is to give your children an example of how to respond if/when it happens to them.
That is a beautiful thought. I like it.
Can I mark this as an answer? :) yes spending too much time on SO.
Can I mark this as an answer? :) yes spending too much time on SO.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder
Please, please, please consult a professional
Please, please, please consult a professional
Ok that fits me pretty much. I’ve been feeling like this for decades.
Thank you for your comment.
Thank you for your comment.
You're welcome. The tricky thing is that it doesn't feel like a disorder, and reluctance to see a professional is what makes it especially hard to treat. Once you do the first step, though, everything starts to become a bit easier. So please see someone. I promise it'll be better.
you must, must, MUST talk to a health professional. Even if you just walk to the nearest hospital or clinic and describe your symptoms and ask for a referral. This is not due to your life choices, or your personality, or your individual philosophy. This is not a healthy way to feel, but you cannot feel any differently because of this illness. This illness CAN be treated. You do not need to feel this way. There is no truth in the way you feel now, and this weight CAN be lifted off your shoulders.
Please, please, talk to a doctor.
Please, please, talk to a doctor.
This. You might want to read http://slatestarcodex.com/2018/03/22/navigating-and-or-avoid... how to do it.
A few years ago, without any previous symptoms, I wake up from a nap and everything looked gray.
I talked with my girlfriend about that (never with my parents, maybe I feel ashamed? ) and I talked with a professional. It helps a lot. Seriously. Go.
Few other things that work for me:
* Sleep. Man, just sleep. After two days without proper sleep, I feel like crap. Exactly with all those things that you said in mind.
* Food. No candies. Bananas are amazing.
* I fucking love coffee. But I tried not to abuse.
* Write things down. Tasks? Write them. Feelings? Write them too. Check tasks in a paper have something that helps me feel like I accomplished something. And try to do small tasks, break things into chunks. It's something very very very hard for me, but it works.
* Get angry. Really. Be mad at something. Be bordered by something. Hate something. And try to express those feelings (without being an asshole of course). Example: If someone sent me an email that I found stupid, I talk about that with my coworkers. I don't know why but makes me feel like I care about things.
* And disconnect. I used to be hyper-connected. Now I tried to minimize the number of things that I read, I don't use twitter either facebook anymore. If something does not add value to my life, I tried to avoid it.
I talked with my girlfriend about that (never with my parents, maybe I feel ashamed? ) and I talked with a professional. It helps a lot. Seriously. Go.
Few other things that work for me:
* Sleep. Man, just sleep. After two days without proper sleep, I feel like crap. Exactly with all those things that you said in mind.
* Food. No candies. Bananas are amazing.
* I fucking love coffee. But I tried not to abuse.
* Write things down. Tasks? Write them. Feelings? Write them too. Check tasks in a paper have something that helps me feel like I accomplished something. And try to do small tasks, break things into chunks. It's something very very very hard for me, but it works.
* Get angry. Really. Be mad at something. Be bordered by something. Hate something. And try to express those feelings (without being an asshole of course). Example: If someone sent me an email that I found stupid, I talk about that with my coworkers. I don't know why but makes me feel like I care about things.
* And disconnect. I used to be hyper-connected. Now I tried to minimize the number of things that I read, I don't use twitter either facebook anymore. If something does not add value to my life, I tried to avoid it.
Depression is a real disease. It should and can be treated. Stanford professor Sapolsky on depression - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc
Hey aragorn2, I read trough all the comments you made here as well.
Based on that I want to recommend to you the material of Stefan Molyneux in regards to two of his keywords: self-knowledge and peaceful parenting. He talks about other things too, but I don't mean those in regards to you.
I also do want to qualify my statement thus: I am not referring so much on his main points in regards to those two topics, but more the subtler points he is making.
For example, in peaceful parenting he has an eye on how things are hereditary. It is this detail, how he observes this, that I think is helpful to you. Not so much the parenting topic in itself.
Based on that I want to recommend to you the material of Stefan Molyneux in regards to two of his keywords: self-knowledge and peaceful parenting. He talks about other things too, but I don't mean those in regards to you.
I also do want to qualify my statement thus: I am not referring so much on his main points in regards to those two topics, but more the subtler points he is making.
For example, in peaceful parenting he has an eye on how things are hereditary. It is this detail, how he observes this, that I think is helpful to you. Not so much the parenting topic in itself.
National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
I don't know the extent of what you're going through, but it can always get better.
I don't know the extent of what you're going through, but it can always get better.
Thank you kind soul. I don’t think I am suicidal.
My father did that to us when I was 17. I will not do that to my kids.
I am just so tired.
My father did that to us when I was 17. I will not do that to my kids.
I am just so tired.
Suicide IS hereditary, please get some help! Wishing you the best!
It's actually even contagious.. when those you know commit suicide or even celebrities - it makes it seem easier to those around you. I've been struggling for the past year, myself with major depression, and I know when Chester Benngington (Linkin Park) died, for awhile it seemed like it wouldn't be such a bad idea, myself.
I had a brand new baby though, and every time I felt full of despair, I'd go and hold him for a bit. It helped bring me out, or at least give me a reason to live a bit longer till, my mood swung in the other direction.
I had a brand new baby though, and every time I felt full of despair, I'd go and hold him for a bit. It helped bring me out, or at least give me a reason to live a bit longer till, my mood swung in the other direction.
The world may be meaningless, but it existed billions of years before you were born and it will go on for billions of years after you. Explore it while you have your chance.
Indeed, the world has no meaning without people, including you; each brings his/her own meaning to the world, but usually it comes down to love (for someone or something), i.e. it is love that gives meaning to life and the world in one's eyes.
If you love your children the world is not meaningless.
Indeed, the world has no meaning without people, including you; each brings his/her own meaning to the world, but usually it comes down to love (for someone or something), i.e. it is love that gives meaning to life and the world in one's eyes.
If you love your children the world is not meaningless.
It’s strange... I do love my kids.
I don’t know maybe I care too much to the point where some fuse in my mind breaks, bringing it to some strange dull state...
I don’t know maybe I care too much to the point where some fuse in my mind breaks, bringing it to some strange dull state...
Go somewhere else for a week or two. Sometimes you have to change your environment. If you can’t go on vacation right now, start going somewhere else after work instead of going home right away. Maybe go to the gym in the morning.
The first time you do something is the hardest but it gets easier after that.
The first time you do something is the hardest but it gets easier after that.
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Ask yourself: "If I could instantaneously become whoever I want in this world, what would it be?" This may require a lot of reflection. For every answer you come up with, ask yourself "why?" and look for bigger end goals. Think about what you want to do toward yourself, your family and friends, your community, your career, and recreation.
If you're having trouble coming up with anything, reflect upon your idols from real life, alive or dead, and from stories who have inspired and motivated you. Try this exercise: Commit to writing your stream of consciousness for 3 pages a day. Don't judge, erase, or cross out. Just keep writing whatever comes naturally to mind, and if you choose to keep it afterwards, they're for your eyes only.
Once you know who you want to become, ask yourself "What do I think I can reasonably achieve in this lifetime? What goals will help me to become this person?" When the end goal is in mind, it is easy to figure out what to do next. Ask "What are the next three things I can do now to work toward my first goal?" Do them immediately. Then starting the next day and each day forth, take one step of any size toward your goal, little by little. There are no deadlines, and there is no rush. Remember that it takes 21-30 consecutive days to create a habit where it'll become automatic.
Set yourself up for success. Set small, easily achievable goals and work your way up. Commit to a few minutes instead of hours. Let your motivation take its natural course, and allow yourself to stop for the day when you're not in the mood. Focus on 1-3 goals at a time to avoid splitting your attention. For every milestone you achieve, celebrate and congratulate yourself, then immediately look onward toward the next goal. Reward yourself regularly for taking steps and achieving goals because you're boldly taking action to change your life.
Don't count or dwell on the failures. They say nothing about your future. You are in full control of your actions now in order to shape the future. Failures tell you what you will do next time to be successful in that situation. Stay focused on achieving your goal. Decide afterwards if it works for you. Remember and tally the successes. Imagine yourself as having already achieved your end goal vividly each day. It doesn't matter where you've come from or who you were yesterday. It matters more who you want to become and where you are going.
Most importantly, HAVE FUN!
Suggested Reading:
- Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
- The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
If you're having trouble coming up with anything, reflect upon your idols from real life, alive or dead, and from stories who have inspired and motivated you. Try this exercise: Commit to writing your stream of consciousness for 3 pages a day. Don't judge, erase, or cross out. Just keep writing whatever comes naturally to mind, and if you choose to keep it afterwards, they're for your eyes only.
Once you know who you want to become, ask yourself "What do I think I can reasonably achieve in this lifetime? What goals will help me to become this person?" When the end goal is in mind, it is easy to figure out what to do next. Ask "What are the next three things I can do now to work toward my first goal?" Do them immediately. Then starting the next day and each day forth, take one step of any size toward your goal, little by little. There are no deadlines, and there is no rush. Remember that it takes 21-30 consecutive days to create a habit where it'll become automatic.
Set yourself up for success. Set small, easily achievable goals and work your way up. Commit to a few minutes instead of hours. Let your motivation take its natural course, and allow yourself to stop for the day when you're not in the mood. Focus on 1-3 goals at a time to avoid splitting your attention. For every milestone you achieve, celebrate and congratulate yourself, then immediately look onward toward the next goal. Reward yourself regularly for taking steps and achieving goals because you're boldly taking action to change your life.
Don't count or dwell on the failures. They say nothing about your future. You are in full control of your actions now in order to shape the future. Failures tell you what you will do next time to be successful in that situation. Stay focused on achieving your goal. Decide afterwards if it works for you. Remember and tally the successes. Imagine yourself as having already achieved your end goal vividly each day. It doesn't matter where you've come from or who you were yesterday. It matters more who you want to become and where you are going.
Most importantly, HAVE FUN!
Suggested Reading:
- Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
- The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
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Many people who are depressed are like that for a physical reason. This is often hereditary. You might need medication.
Visit a professional to find out if this would help you. If only to help your children.
Visit a professional to find out if this would help you. If only to help your children.
Do you have someone to talk to? Call a friend/relative/coworker you feel comfortable with and get it out of you. Then please get some professional help.
Keep in mind that nowadays many of us feel shit and depressed like you do, try keeping your mind occupied with something else if it helps. All the best.
Thank you!
Is it okay if someone broke into your house and harmed your kids really bad. Did this thought get to you? Do you want to beat me up for bringing this? I hope so.
Please seek professional help. You might see no point in living, maybe someone can help you see differently.
Please seek professional help. You might see no point in living, maybe someone can help you see differently.
Someone breaking in and harming them is a real posibillity, I know. I’ve been through the war in Balkans.
Just another example of the senseless world we live in.
Just another example of the senseless world we live in.
I grew up in a civil war, and my parents through a "regular" war, whatever that is. You, me, and they will never know the extent to which war has influenced our psyche for it is the only life we knew.
What I'm saying is that, emotionally, you owe it to yourself and your children to seek help and survive. Intellectually, you owe it to your brain to seek help and find a way to maximize options including being in a rut.
I hope I'm not being too insensitive.
What I'm saying is that, emotionally, you owe it to yourself and your children to seek help and survive. Intellectually, you owe it to your brain to seek help and find a way to maximize options including being in a rut.
I hope I'm not being too insensitive.
Perhaps you are having PTSD or similar flashbacks. The episodes can start many years after the experiences that they relate to.
Nothing is wrong with you. You just need some help: 1-800-273-8255 You are worth it. Please talk to someone. I do every week and it helps. Email in profile if you want to chat but please call the number.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
I am not in the US to call. I am sure we have a number for a similar purpose.
I’m reluctant to call - I do not know how it will help. I can imagine all the arguments; why I should be happy. Why I am worthy. I’d been telling them to myself for a long time. I’ve just stopped believing in them.
I am not in the US to call. I am sure we have a number for a similar purpose.
I’m reluctant to call - I do not know how it will help. I can imagine all the arguments; why I should be happy. Why I am worthy. I’d been telling them to myself for a long time. I’ve just stopped believing in them.
Happy? Aim lower. How about making it through the day. One step at a time. Don’t over think it or think you can will your way out of this. You can’t. If you could you’d be better or managing already. Take a step. Btw, I have two kids as well. They are great but don’t make things easier or better necessarily. Focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do for them.
I suggest you to try CBT. The therapist won't try to tell you why you should be happy or why are you worthy, the treatment is different.
You can try CBT, or ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy), or perhaps also a rogerian therapy can be of help.
CBT didn't work for me. But more conventional therapy did. Everybody is different and that is exactly why professional help is so important, depression is a common condition and there are lots of different treatments. With the right treatment you will get better. I did. Thousands of others do too.
I would recommend finding a therapist. I was in a similar position as you and therapy helped me a lot. Hope you get better.
I’ve accomplished nothing.
I feel sorry for the two souls I brought into this meaningless world. They will blame me for bringing them into this hell as I blame my parents.
I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
Edit:
It’s past midnight here and I have to go to sleep.
Thank you everyone!!!
Thank you for taking the time to comment and help me feel a little better.