Ask HN: What are the best decisions you’ve made?
Excluding choice of partner and having children, what are some the best decisions you've made?
41 comments
That doing good is a deliberate act: I have 'decided' to be a better son, a better bother, a better friend, a better lover, a better human than I were the day before.
This made it that even though my lifestyle is so much different than my family's and that of most of society, we still get along on a deeper level.
Deciding to have the hard conversations. Some ten minute conversations have had the highest 'return on investment'.
Deciding to always aim at the meta-thing right after I have the thing. One specific example is asking a question on the #python IRC channel years ago about a library and receiving an answer from someone who's never used it, immediately thanking them and asking how they did to find the answer. That process was much more valuable to me, because I could use it on other things [they did a git grep on the repo].
Deciding to use money as an instrument for myself and others. I mostly buy time and experiences. I did it when I was in highschool and continue to do so now.
Ars longa, vita brevis.
This made it that even though my lifestyle is so much different than my family's and that of most of society, we still get along on a deeper level.
Deciding to have the hard conversations. Some ten minute conversations have had the highest 'return on investment'.
Deciding to always aim at the meta-thing right after I have the thing. One specific example is asking a question on the #python IRC channel years ago about a library and receiving an answer from someone who's never used it, immediately thanking them and asking how they did to find the answer. That process was much more valuable to me, because I could use it on other things [they did a git grep on the repo].
Deciding to use money as an instrument for myself and others. I mostly buy time and experiences. I did it when I was in highschool and continue to do so now.
Ars longa, vita brevis.
In the Spirit of asking the how, not the what: „git grep“ as in searching a repo for a keyword? I often struggle with finding an answer in the source code (documentation is find but after that it gets hard sometimes), maybe that might help :)
Whenever that happens, I try to ask a better question. Sometimes, I'll refine my question in order to ask it on forums, and I'll converge to one question for which I know how to find a solution.
The "I found the answer when I was writing the question".
The "I found the answer when I was writing the question".
Booting negative people out of my life
Exactly that.
This means accepting loss and hurt.
Definetely a very hard thing to do if the bad people are familiy.
Might be impossible if the bad person is your spouse and you have kids. Might mean that your kids are retaliated on.
but the most difficult thing is to be sure that they are the bad people and not you yourself. If you don't struggle with this then you might be the problem - Not them.
This means accepting loss and hurt.
Definetely a very hard thing to do if the bad people are familiy.
Might be impossible if the bad person is your spouse and you have kids. Might mean that your kids are retaliated on.
but the most difficult thing is to be sure that they are the bad people and not you yourself. If you don't struggle with this then you might be the problem - Not them.
Going back to university in my thirties to pursue a CS degree. Although sometimes odd being the oldest, i kinda feel this is the best decision i’ve ever made.
Tbh, now that I'm in my late twenties I honestly think I better understand now - how to really focus, challenge myself and how I really learn things. If I had the time or money I would re-do my degree in a heartbeat. Math is something I was never really that strong with and there are personal projects I've had where I just don't quite have the mathematical depth to push through. I also sucked at asking for help back in college (goodness I was an idiot).
Getting back into exercising and dropping off booze and cigs.
I realized it's hard to take care of others when we cant even take care of ourselves. The mental clarity and the stamina wasnt just there.
I realized it's hard to take care of others when we cant even take care of ourselves. The mental clarity and the stamina wasnt just there.
That's a really tough question. I guess I'm not happy enough with my life to have an answer for this.
Hard to say which was best, so I will list several good decisions:
1) quitting a job to ride a bicycle up the east coast 2) spending 6 months in New Zealand and Australia 3) buying my first house 4) buying my second house across the street from a park oh I have it, Falling in love with programming, my career.
1) quitting a job to ride a bicycle up the east coast 2) spending 6 months in New Zealand and Australia 3) buying my first house 4) buying my second house across the street from a park oh I have it, Falling in love with programming, my career.
Could you say more about riding your bike up the east coast? What did you get out of it?
The two best decisions I ever made were living and working overseas for several years when I was in my early 20s, and then moving to a small town in Vermont in my early 30s. I had a lot of adventures early, learned new skills, and then settled down somewhere with a great home - work balance.
Not committing suicide. and also, Meditation.
Quitting a job after 9 years once I realized I wasn't happy there anymore. I'm not the type who likes change, but this was the best decision I made in my life. I now work at a company with a much better culture, with a significant salary bump (over 4 years here and still happy with it).
This taught me to not be afraid to make significant changes, even when the outcome is not so certain.
This taught me to not be afraid to make significant changes, even when the outcome is not so certain.
Dropping alcohol
Not caring anymore what others think about me
Going to college, seeing a psychiatrist
Quitting my corporate (high paying) job and getting into my own business. I now have a 24-7 thing (for now) but I love it.
Can't know what would have happened the other way in each case, but I'd say it's changing jobs. The first handful of times it was really hard as workmates were also good friends. I learn so much more in a new position that I would staying 3/4+ years at the technical top of a current one. Working a different sizes of companies has also been good exposure (though this wasn't entirely a choice). Not keeping in active contact with friends is likely my worst nondecision/inaction.
Therapy.
I realized at some point that my life wasn’t going in a direction where I felt fulfilled, and couldn’t seem to make the changes I needed to get it there. Therapy allowed me to see how I held myself back and the things I didn’t know I was carrying with me from my youth. I’m happier, more focused, have a better understanding of myself and where I’m going, and I think I’m kinder to others as well. I cannot recommend therapy highly enough.
I realized at some point that my life wasn’t going in a direction where I felt fulfilled, and couldn’t seem to make the changes I needed to get it there. Therapy allowed me to see how I held myself back and the things I didn’t know I was carrying with me from my youth. I’m happier, more focused, have a better understanding of myself and where I’m going, and I think I’m kinder to others as well. I cannot recommend therapy highly enough.
I've had a few psych's, some monumental in helping me discover I have ADHD and happen to be slightly on the autism scale. As someone who's struggled with an odd family history, I'm glad therapy has helped you enjoy life and see a more optimistic future!
I've recently been looking for a psych that's slightly more career performance oriented. Or how should I put this, willing to meld psychology (talk therapy) with a layer of strategy / risk reward applied as well. I've always been bad at gauging a fit in this way.
I've recently been looking for a psych that's slightly more career performance oriented. Or how should I put this, willing to meld psychology (talk therapy) with a layer of strategy / risk reward applied as well. I've always been bad at gauging a fit in this way.
Becoming a software engineer when I was almost 30. Changed my life.
Can you expand on how it changed your life? I'm curious how change of profession effects life.
Absolutely. I can break it down with some key points that come to mind.
Making the jump:
I had been working in a call center for 4 years and had not had any growth whatsoever. I was broke, lost, and felt trapped at my job. I would look at job posting but didn’t have any of the skills mentioned and thought I would have to go to college to get a decent position. I didn’t have the money to go back to school so I tried something else. I e-mailed 30-40 tech companies, asking if they had any internships to get my foot in the door. Two companies replied back. First company was a desktop support position and the second company was a marketing internship. That second company was a coding bootcamp. I took the unpaid internship at the bootcamp. I realized I didn’t enjoy marketing right away but stuck with it cause it was better than a call center. During my time there, I became friends with some of the engineering instructors and that’s when I was introduced to programming. They told me what to focus on, study, and build. So when I wasn’t at work or the internship, I was reading and building.
Focus:
I had been Deejaying for 18 years and so I always felt that I had to stick with music cause it was a big part of my life. However, I knew it would interfere with my current goal. I couldn’t do both. I’m kind of an all in or hell no type of person, which isn’t always great but that’s what it is. So I packed up my turntables and decided to go all in on programming. This was essential for me.
Holding myself back:
After 4 months of studying, I got hired as a contractor at a small agency. That’s when I realized that I was trapped at the call center job because of myself. It was a powerful realization that opened up my mind from there on. I thought I had to have a certificate or piece of paper to have decent career. I do want to go to school for CS for fun!
Problem solving:
Building software showed me how to problem solve. I didn’t have a framework or direction that I would go to before I started this profession. Being able to break problems into smaller pieces and identify how those pieces relate to each other was game changing. I was a late bloomer with all this but better late than never
Money:
Money changed a lot of things. I would be lying if that wasn’t a big part of all this. My mom, sister, and I would live in homeless shelters and motel rooms, paid by churches growing up. We never went hungry or anything but things still sucked. So when I got my first paycheck as a programmer, I couldn’t even describe the feeling. I didn't have to worry about bills or rent anymore.
This became long but I wanted to give an honest answer as to how it changed my life.
Making the jump:
I had been working in a call center for 4 years and had not had any growth whatsoever. I was broke, lost, and felt trapped at my job. I would look at job posting but didn’t have any of the skills mentioned and thought I would have to go to college to get a decent position. I didn’t have the money to go back to school so I tried something else. I e-mailed 30-40 tech companies, asking if they had any internships to get my foot in the door. Two companies replied back. First company was a desktop support position and the second company was a marketing internship. That second company was a coding bootcamp. I took the unpaid internship at the bootcamp. I realized I didn’t enjoy marketing right away but stuck with it cause it was better than a call center. During my time there, I became friends with some of the engineering instructors and that’s when I was introduced to programming. They told me what to focus on, study, and build. So when I wasn’t at work or the internship, I was reading and building.
Focus:
I had been Deejaying for 18 years and so I always felt that I had to stick with music cause it was a big part of my life. However, I knew it would interfere with my current goal. I couldn’t do both. I’m kind of an all in or hell no type of person, which isn’t always great but that’s what it is. So I packed up my turntables and decided to go all in on programming. This was essential for me.
Holding myself back:
After 4 months of studying, I got hired as a contractor at a small agency. That’s when I realized that I was trapped at the call center job because of myself. It was a powerful realization that opened up my mind from there on. I thought I had to have a certificate or piece of paper to have decent career. I do want to go to school for CS for fun!
Problem solving:
Building software showed me how to problem solve. I didn’t have a framework or direction that I would go to before I started this profession. Being able to break problems into smaller pieces and identify how those pieces relate to each other was game changing. I was a late bloomer with all this but better late than never
Money:
Money changed a lot of things. I would be lying if that wasn’t a big part of all this. My mom, sister, and I would live in homeless shelters and motel rooms, paid by churches growing up. We never went hungry or anything but things still sucked. So when I got my first paycheck as a programmer, I couldn’t even describe the feeling. I didn't have to worry about bills or rent anymore.
This became long but I wanted to give an honest answer as to how it changed my life.
Quitting my job at Amazon, only second to going on the record and explaining to my boss that the reason I quit was "oranges" - I did this because I knew my boss would be reprimanded and asked by HR / mgmt "why did your employee quit because of this reason here?" and have to explain why I quit because of "oranges". I should add, that almost all of the other lead engineers moved to other teams or also left.
It's taken me more than a year to un-learn and cleanse my head of all the stupid games I had to play at that bullshit company.
Finally, quitting drinking. I never really drank that much, but at this point I don't really crave alcohol at all.
It's taken me more than a year to un-learn and cleanse my head of all the stupid games I had to play at that bullshit company.
Finally, quitting drinking. I never really drank that much, but at this point I don't really crave alcohol at all.
Oranges are people with 5+ years tenure at Amazon. Only outclassed by red badges in ‘peculiar-ness’.
One benefit of being full remote is that these kind of social problems are way less annoying this year.
One benefit of being full remote is that these kind of social problems are way less annoying this year.
Haha, this is true. I'll add that where I was working S-team members were showing up weekly, in other words the writing was on the wall that org level things were not going well. I mostly meant "oranges" as a random word that popped into my head to fuck with my boss. I was between "oranges" and "Methyl anthranilate" (the artificial chemical that behind "grape" flavor) ;)
What’s peculiar about “red badges” and “oranges” at Amazon (genuinely interested)?
At a company where I worked, red badges indicated someone was a contractor. Everyone else had a white badge (sometimes with a colored marker for certain kinds of access).
"Red badges" were routinely made fun of and hazed. A pretty high percentage would end up getting hired full-time and the hazing would stop, so it wasn't exactly "personal", but it was definitely kind of weird.
(I have no clue what a red badge indicates at Amazon, though.)
"Red badges" were routinely made fun of and hazed. A pretty high percentage would end up getting hired full-time and the hazing would stop, so it wasn't exactly "personal", but it was definitely kind of weird.
(I have no clue what a red badge indicates at Amazon, though.)
How long did you work at Amazon? I’m a current employee and absolutely hate it. But the money is good and I’m learning a lot about building large scale systems
A little over a year. I also got to work on some really cool leading edge tech, but god did the culture and environment suck. I'd give back $20k to take that time back.
1) software career
2) getting outside help with dating
3) quitting Twitter (50 hours a month back)
2) getting outside help with dating
3) quitting Twitter (50 hours a month back)
Moving to London when I was in my 20s. Moving to Berlin and changing jobs at the same time in my 30s (was doing security consulting before, but switched to development). Starting a company when approaching 40s. Leaving a company I was involved with and that wasn’t going anywhere. Pushing my own company to go fully remote 5 years ago or so.
Recently helping my own company switch to 4-day workweeks[0] although the jury is still out on this one.
[0] https://blog.gingerlime.com/2020/how-we-switched-to-4-day-we...
Recently helping my own company switch to 4-day workweeks[0] although the jury is still out on this one.
[0] https://blog.gingerlime.com/2020/how-we-switched-to-4-day-we...
Hard to know best because I don’t know the opportunity cost.
1. Moving from Aus to US to be in the hub of where software is made.
2. Marrying my wife (again hard to know opp cost since I’ve only been married once. But life is deffo better than being single)
3. Switching jobs every couple of years to work on something interesting and impactful.
4. Healthy habits such as healthy eating, exercise, read books, call friends, save and invest, travel international once an year.
I guess the biggest decision is to invest in habit building (habits compound over time)
1. Moving from Aus to US to be in the hub of where software is made.
2. Marrying my wife (again hard to know opp cost since I’ve only been married once. But life is deffo better than being single)
3. Switching jobs every couple of years to work on something interesting and impactful.
4. Healthy habits such as healthy eating, exercise, read books, call friends, save and invest, travel international once an year.
I guess the biggest decision is to invest in habit building (habits compound over time)
- Moving from Europe to the US, Bay Area specifically, right after college. No other place would have given me such amount of wealth in a relatively short amount of time (10 years now). Growing up poor, I appreciate it tremendously and it enables a lot of freedom for my future self.
- Live a very frugal and minimalistic lifestyle. I live on about 4% of my gross income (crazy! See previous point) and I love it. I eat healthy, exercise a lot, have a wonderful partner, plenty of discretionary time because we don’t have to care for material belongings.
I am also firmly in the camp of not wanting kids, and firmly believe it is the right decision for me: I’ll let you know in a few decades if it was a good call or not :-)
- Live a very frugal and minimalistic lifestyle. I live on about 4% of my gross income (crazy! See previous point) and I love it. I eat healthy, exercise a lot, have a wonderful partner, plenty of discretionary time because we don’t have to care for material belongings.
I am also firmly in the camp of not wanting kids, and firmly believe it is the right decision for me: I’ll let you know in a few decades if it was a good call or not :-)
I refer to my daughters as "the 2 best questionable decisions I ever made".
But seriously learning software development was my best decision. I spent most of my working life in food service (read: broke) and then 6 years as a massage therapist at a high end practice. I taught myself Ruby and JavaScript in between clients and on breaks.
It was already a good decision pre-pandemic, but if I was still a waiter or an MT, we would have been just so horribly fucked. I would have basically had months of no work or income, which would force me to go back to work during the pandemic. I'm so grateful that I don't do that kind of work anymore. I literally don't know how we would have gotten by.
But seriously learning software development was my best decision. I spent most of my working life in food service (read: broke) and then 6 years as a massage therapist at a high end practice. I taught myself Ruby and JavaScript in between clients and on breaks.
It was already a good decision pre-pandemic, but if I was still a waiter or an MT, we would have been just so horribly fucked. I would have basically had months of no work or income, which would force me to go back to work during the pandemic. I'm so grateful that I don't do that kind of work anymore. I literally don't know how we would have gotten by.
No longer working for bad clients.
There are so many bad clients out there which will actively hurt you to press the most benefit out of you until you drop. dead.
you can only hurt me once. the second strike is only possible because i did not quit the first time. So it is my fault.
There are so many bad clients out there which will actively hurt you to press the most benefit out of you until you drop. dead.
you can only hurt me once. the second strike is only possible because i did not quit the first time. So it is my fault.
1. Quitting a very stable tech job to start a company. I was 40, had a one year old and stay at home wife
2. Trying everything possible to make the company a success. Learning a lot in the process.
3. Realizing 2 years later, the business wasn't going to work. Shutting it down while I had some money left in the bank and finding a full time job. Ironically, the new company valued the combination of professional and founder experience highly, and I ended up with a 40% bump from my pre-founder income
4. Then prioritizing paying off nearly $70k in credit card debt (business related) over the next couple of years. Again, learning a lot in the process.
5. Consciously communicating and making decisions with the wife throughout the journey. Now it seems like if we could survive that experience financially, we can survive anything.
I learnt more about risk, negotiation, personal finances, communication and above all my own biases & limitations in these 4 years than in my 15 years of career prior to that. Wouldn't trade for anything.
2. Trying everything possible to make the company a success. Learning a lot in the process.
3. Realizing 2 years later, the business wasn't going to work. Shutting it down while I had some money left in the bank and finding a full time job. Ironically, the new company valued the combination of professional and founder experience highly, and I ended up with a 40% bump from my pre-founder income
4. Then prioritizing paying off nearly $70k in credit card debt (business related) over the next couple of years. Again, learning a lot in the process.
5. Consciously communicating and making decisions with the wife throughout the journey. Now it seems like if we could survive that experience financially, we can survive anything.
I learnt more about risk, negotiation, personal finances, communication and above all my own biases & limitations in these 4 years than in my 15 years of career prior to that. Wouldn't trade for anything.
Working really, really hard when I was younger. I still work, but only on what I want to work on.
1. Cutting ties with my parents
2. Pushing through the hard computer science classes
3. Getting into bouldering
4. Making and maintaining good friendships
1) quitting smoking
2) Leaving engineering to become a firefighter paramedic at age 36
3) Getting a master's degree in computer science
4) working a crap ton of over time and 2nd job to pay down mortgage
5) leaving firefighter paramedic after 14 years to work as a software developer fulltime.
2) Leaving engineering to become a firefighter paramedic at age 36
3) Getting a master's degree in computer science
4) working a crap ton of over time and 2nd job to pay down mortgage
5) leaving firefighter paramedic after 14 years to work as a software developer fulltime.