Text Your Friends. It Matters More Than You Think(nytimes.com)
nytimes.com
Text Your Friends. It Matters More Than You Think
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/11/well/family/check-in-text-friendship.html
13 comments
I wonder how do people who never get reached out unless they message first feel. Basically that's me. People say a friendship or any kind of relationship is a 2-way traffic but ever since my high school years (when I got my first cellphone) I always knew that unless I text someone first they would never text me on their own. Pretty much never happens no matter the communication channel through the years. My very close family (parents + siblings) does but no one else. It's kinda of confirmation in my mind that I have no friends but it's also... calming to some extent to have a clear picture about your life.
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This is something I struggle with a lot.
I have deep and meaningful relationships with quite a few friends, but there just seems to be a disconnect in my brain when it comes to reaching out to them. I'll think about them often, but those thoughts rarely convert to action.
I even know that it would be meaningful to them if I reached out and just let them know I was thinking of them to strike up a conversation.
Additionally, I'm terrible about responding to text messages. Perhaps there's some social anxiety when it comes to reading / responding to notifications on social media or texts and that leads to action paralysis.
It's something I'm actively trying to be better about—just wanted to share my own experience when it comes to the digital space and how much more difficult it is to navigate than the real world.
The dynamic nature of a flowing conversation just feels easier to engage with than short-form messaging. Even longer emails with penpals feel far more fulfilling to write and respond to than texts.
Despite all that, I don't really foresee short-form asynchronous messaging going away any time soon. I just need to figure out a way to make that style work for me.
I have deep and meaningful relationships with quite a few friends, but there just seems to be a disconnect in my brain when it comes to reaching out to them. I'll think about them often, but those thoughts rarely convert to action.
I even know that it would be meaningful to them if I reached out and just let them know I was thinking of them to strike up a conversation.
Additionally, I'm terrible about responding to text messages. Perhaps there's some social anxiety when it comes to reading / responding to notifications on social media or texts and that leads to action paralysis.
It's something I'm actively trying to be better about—just wanted to share my own experience when it comes to the digital space and how much more difficult it is to navigate than the real world.
The dynamic nature of a flowing conversation just feels easier to engage with than short-form messaging. Even longer emails with penpals feel far more fulfilling to write and respond to than texts.
Despite all that, I don't really foresee short-form asynchronous messaging going away any time soon. I just need to figure out a way to make that style work for me.
> Additionally, I'm terrible about responding to text messages. Perhaps there's some social anxiety when it comes to reading / responding to notifications on social media or texts and that leads to action paralysis.
There certainly is.
All of the same rules of social anxiety apply.
If you need to do a beer or two (or similar, for your favorite drug) to start a conversation by sending a goofy, ball-busting text or voice memo to your friend, so be it.
Just care less about the content — it's informal, not informational.
The information you're trying to convey is that you're thinking of them. Or are interested in what they have to say. Or their continued success/existence.
There certainly is.
All of the same rules of social anxiety apply.
If you need to do a beer or two (or similar, for your favorite drug) to start a conversation by sending a goofy, ball-busting text or voice memo to your friend, so be it.
Just care less about the content — it's informal, not informational.
The information you're trying to convey is that you're thinking of them. Or are interested in what they have to say. Or their continued success/existence.
> If you need to do a beer or two (or similar, for your favorite drug) to start a conversation by sending a goofy, ball-busting text or voice memo to your friend, so be it.
From personal experience: be mindful with this.
From personal experience: be mindful with this.
Is there some type of personal, open sourced CRM or something I could spin up at home to solve this? I get these fleeting thoughts that I need to call/text/email someone, then just forget to to it or get distracted.
I'd love to have something that could lump contacts into groups, then have a reminder to contact group A like once a month, group B once a quarter, group C once a year or something.
I'd love to have something that could lump contacts into groups, then have a reminder to contact group A like once a month, group B once a quarter, group C once a year or something.
I'm not aware of any programs that do that, but personally, I'm reticent to use something like that.
I've always found the idea of an algorithm managing personal interactions with friends to be rather artificial and dystopian.
There's definitely a value proposition there and I'd be surprised if nothing like that exists—I just want to navigate the problem in a way that feels less superficial to me.
I've always found the idea of an algorithm managing personal interactions with friends to be rather artificial and dystopian.
There's definitely a value proposition there and I'd be surprised if nothing like that exists—I just want to navigate the problem in a way that feels less superficial to me.
Main developer of Monica here.
There is no algorithm, on purpose. Nothing is done magically in Monica. You enter the data you want to track, and you tell Monica when you want to be reminded about it. I’m against anything automated that manages your friends for you.
There is no algorithm, on purpose. Nothing is done magically in Monica. You enter the data you want to track, and you tell Monica when you want to be reminded about it. I’m against anything automated that manages your friends for you.
I use this! Intermittently, mostly when I'm moving to a new location, or for family events. But it's great otherwise. Even just using it as a "news feed", scrolling through a list of people you care about and reminiscing about the times you had is a wonderful way to pass time.
Well, there you go. I'll have to check this out.
A simple text checking in on a friend can go a long way! You never know what is going on in their life and always good to keep in touch. Thought this was a great article to give you a little reminder: https://www.barstoolsports.com/blog/3422355/we-should-stay-i...
You don't realize it but it is so important to reach out to friends to check in - especially those that are going through a hard time. Remember - it doesn't cost you anything to be kind to others!