Life Is So Terrible and Beautiful at the Same Time(johnpweiss.com)
johnpweiss.com
Life Is So Terrible and Beautiful at the Same Time
https://johnpweiss.com/blog/187270/life-is-so-terrible-and-beautiful-at-the-same-time
74 comments
My dad took a terrible accounting/logistics job for $15 an hour last year.Like the whole business was completely F'd, they no longer exist today.
My dad, who did programming his whole life, didn't care. He was retired, he enjoyed the interactions with humans and the problems he was solving. He probably was providing $60+/hr of value since he would automate it.
If you saw a grey'd dude that is absurdly skinny drag himself into an office(He hated the commute, he always hates driving), you'd think he was miserable. No, he was happy to be there, he just doesnt like driving.
My dad, who did programming his whole life, didn't care. He was retired, he enjoyed the interactions with humans and the problems he was solving. He probably was providing $60+/hr of value since he would automate it.
If you saw a grey'd dude that is absurdly skinny drag himself into an office(He hated the commute, he always hates driving), you'd think he was miserable. No, he was happy to be there, he just doesnt like driving.
We were hitch-hiking from Vancouver to Whitehorse in 2001 and ended up being stranded somewhere in redneck territory - imagine a bunch of guys in a pickup truck driving past while hollering "hey buddy grow some tits and we'll give you a ride" - when we finally got a ride on a big rig. The driver was 72 years old, name of Ken, callsign "Big D" on CB. He took us all the way to Whitehorse since he was running a load of condensate to the north of Alaska anyway and it was on the route (which is understandable given that there is only one Alaska Highway). Being in the truck with him for 1½ days we got to talk - which is why he took hitch-hikers along in the first place - and touched the subject of him driving that truck while he could have been enjoying his pension. 'I tried it, being pensioned, but did not like it' he said so he just took right off where he left. As long as his body and mind held out he wanted to keep on doing this work 'cause sitting at home was boring.
Having left Whitehorse in a canoe on our way to the Bering strait we met another 72 years old man, this one named Tom. Tom was also paddling the Yukon, or maybe I should say he was enjoying the current taking him downstream. His plan was to paddle the whole river like we were doing but he was doing it in stages where he would take to the river for a few days, then find his way back to his truck somehow to get his canoe. Tom was a pensioned school teacher, he lived on his own in a cabin and quite liked being pensioned but not hanging around in his cabin all the time so he sometimes took to the river.
When I reach that age I suspect I'll do something similar seeing how as I think I'd be bored by the "normal" life of a pensioner.
Having left Whitehorse in a canoe on our way to the Bering strait we met another 72 years old man, this one named Tom. Tom was also paddling the Yukon, or maybe I should say he was enjoying the current taking him downstream. His plan was to paddle the whole river like we were doing but he was doing it in stages where he would take to the river for a few days, then find his way back to his truck somehow to get his canoe. Tom was a pensioned school teacher, he lived on his own in a cabin and quite liked being pensioned but not hanging around in his cabin all the time so he sometimes took to the river.
When I reach that age I suspect I'll do something similar seeing how as I think I'd be bored by the "normal" life of a pensioner.
> ”I try to say something kind or friendly to encourage him. Sometimes he perks up momentarily, offering a half smile and faint twinkle in his eye”
I bet that was the old guy disguising the annoyance of having a patronizing customer.
I bet that was the old guy disguising the annoyance of having a patronizing customer.
It’s not a documentary purporting to be a factual examination of multiple people’s life stories or an analysis of social attitudes to the elderly.
It’s a touching essay detailing one man’s thoughts and experiences as he moves through life, presented with the intention of eliciting certain feelings and thoughts in the reader. And that’s all it needs to be.
Here’s an alternative perspective about getting old. Maybe you’ll enjoy it more:
https://allpoetry.com/The-Old-Fools
It’s a touching essay detailing one man’s thoughts and experiences as he moves through life, presented with the intention of eliciting certain feelings and thoughts in the reader. And that’s all it needs to be.
Here’s an alternative perspective about getting old. Maybe you’ll enjoy it more:
https://allpoetry.com/The-Old-Fools
And my counterpoint is that "old men working" is not the same as "society has failed these dull, vacant-eyed poors". I'm arguing for dignity
If the old man told Weiss what he was feeling we wouldn’t get the artistry of his rumination.
It’s like the student who hates the exercise of inferring authorial intent and ascribing situations and plots as metaphors in high school English. The point isn’t to KNOW the authors intent. The point is to understand what it means to YOU!
You’re both right. This piece was about a sad old man. This piece makes us ponder our unknowable connections and the loss of dignity in suffering and old age.
This piece can mean many things to many people. That’s what makes it good.
It’s like the student who hates the exercise of inferring authorial intent and ascribing situations and plots as metaphors in high school English. The point isn’t to KNOW the authors intent. The point is to understand what it means to YOU!
You’re both right. This piece was about a sad old man. This piece makes us ponder our unknowable connections and the loss of dignity in suffering and old age.
This piece can mean many things to many people. That’s what makes it good.
Dignity being manifested through work is more of a Western illness, informed by Protestant Ideology and all of its accompanying baggage. Many other societies have roles for the elderly that do not require them to be service workers and all the corresponding degradation and abuse that comes along with it. And I say this as someone who spent many years in these kinds of jobs and found them in no way to be wholesome, engaging, or dignified.
At least in the American context, people are remarkably rude and demanding to those who they deem beneath them, which is most often determined by the jobs they perform, how much money they have, etc. Assuming someone is miserable in these jobs may not always be correct, but it’s also not in anyway improbable. I and all my coworkers certainly were.
At least in the American context, people are remarkably rude and demanding to those who they deem beneath them, which is most often determined by the jobs they perform, how much money they have, etc. Assuming someone is miserable in these jobs may not always be correct, but it’s also not in anyway improbable. I and all my coworkers certainly were.
People are awful to each other everywhere - there is nothing exceptional about America there. I agree with you that dignity requires fundamental (not judgemental) respect, and that is sorely lacking in the world (even in your response).
Ok, but plenty of old people do work menial jobs out of necessity. This particular old man can be a symbol of that to the author regardless of the specific circumstances regarding the old man’s employment.
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Talking to those people is always great. It either gives them a way to share their problems with somebody, or you find someone who has a really interesting past and you can learn a lot. Best thing that ever happened to us was meeting a retired space engineer who worked on the Hubble telescope. My son was wearing a NASA sweater with an explosion drawing of the Hubble, and the old man explained on his shirt how the Hubble works and on what parts he had worked. I still regret that on another occation I did not talk to a man sitting next to me on a station platform. He looked exactly like a bum who had spent the previous night sleeping on the sidewalk in his own piss, but at second sight I noticed that his clothes were not only clean, but quite expensive (still looking shabby from distance), and he had a brand new expensive Rimowa suitcase. I would have loved to hear his story, but I had to catch my train.
I have an independently wealthy friend that regularly operates a small food truck at the beach because he likes cooking and meeting people. His food is priced at cost so he doesn't make money from it. I wonder how many people pity him.
Here's me projecting, but I could say "poor man, he needs the social contact so badly he'd rather slave away in a tiny hot kitchen rather than enjoy his money vacationing, for example in fancy hotels and restaurants.".
Which is obviously bullshit, he seems happy from your description, and if I were in his place doing the travelling would I be asking myself "What's the point?"?Probably yes.
Which is obviously bullshit, he seems happy from your description, and if I were in his place doing the travelling would I be asking myself "What's the point?"?Probably yes.
I would imagine his demeanor would influence how he is perceived.
yep, this. Dude is wise and I'd guess spent some miserable periods doing nothing to realize this truth.
Now that i'm in my 50s, i realize the enormous benefits of working as you get into your 60s and 70s and, hopefully, 80s. The social interaction and mental stimulation, sense of purpose, just having things to do and that make you feel productive.
>This drives me crazy. You don't know anything about this guy.
Doesn't have to. With some empathy you can often tell. Also don't need to know anything to know that 70+ year olds don't work at some menial service industry job in countries where they can afford to retire.
>He loves driving the bus, he does this to stay busy, he's retired but enjoys having a purpose and talking to people (such as myself). My point is you have absolutely no idea why anyone does anything, unless you ask them.
That would tell you even less in many cases. I wouldn't necessarily believe the story a stranger would present for their circumstances either. Part of it will probably be saving safe, or making himself look better than "70-something that can't afford to retire and is forced to drive around".
The fact is, loving it or not, he probably works because he 100% needs the money. So a health incident, or some emergency (like his house needing repairs, or a rent hike) could wipe him out.
Doesn't have to. With some empathy you can often tell. Also don't need to know anything to know that 70+ year olds don't work at some menial service industry job in countries where they can afford to retire.
>He loves driving the bus, he does this to stay busy, he's retired but enjoys having a purpose and talking to people (such as myself). My point is you have absolutely no idea why anyone does anything, unless you ask them.
That would tell you even less in many cases. I wouldn't necessarily believe the story a stranger would present for their circumstances either. Part of it will probably be saving safe, or making himself look better than "70-something that can't afford to retire and is forced to drive around".
The fact is, loving it or not, he probably works because he 100% needs the money. So a health incident, or some emergency (like his house needing repairs, or a rent hike) could wipe him out.
> With some empathy you can often tell.
This doesn't sound like empathy - it sounds like stereotyping. Instead of getting to know someone and finding out about them, or accepting that you just don't know details about their life, you develop a story of their life in head based on nothing but your gut feeling.
> Also don't need to know anything to know that 70+ year olds don't work at some menial service industry job in countries where they can afford to retire.
Is Sweden one of those countries where people can afford to retire? Because they have about the same rate of 75+ year olds working as the US.
https://www.euronews.com/next/2023/02/22/the-rise-of-elderly...
https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/slideshows/states-wi...
This doesn't sound like empathy - it sounds like stereotyping. Instead of getting to know someone and finding out about them, or accepting that you just don't know details about their life, you develop a story of their life in head based on nothing but your gut feeling.
> Also don't need to know anything to know that 70+ year olds don't work at some menial service industry job in countries where they can afford to retire.
Is Sweden one of those countries where people can afford to retire? Because they have about the same rate of 75+ year olds working as the US.
https://www.euronews.com/next/2023/02/22/the-rise-of-elderly...
https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/slideshows/states-wi...
>Is Sweden one of those countries where people can afford to retire? Because they have about the same rate of 75+ year olds working as the US.
From the very link you provided, regarding Sweden: "a succession of policy choices have pushed older people into work".
And from the report they link to:
"The latest pension reform (a defined contribution scheme) has increased the economic incentives to work longer. Parallel, it has become more difficult to get a disability pension even for only medical reasons. (...) Several political decisions were also taken from the early 1990s on to counteract early retirement and increase the actual retirement age. (...) There is a clear socio-economic gradient in the age of retirement. Low-skilled jobs have lower wages and worse working conditions, work environment and occupational protection. The difference in “lost years”, i.e. the number of years that people exit from the labour market before reaching age 65, between early and late exit jobs amounts to 4.82 years for men (“Other sales and services elementary occupations” compared to “College, university and higher education teaching professionals”). For women, the difference is 5.55 years."
Rather than some socialist paradise, as is the stereotype of Sweden in the US (well, though compared to which, it might very well be), the political establishment there has been increasingly pushing neoliberal reforms for decades now.
From the very link you provided, regarding Sweden: "a succession of policy choices have pushed older people into work".
And from the report they link to:
"The latest pension reform (a defined contribution scheme) has increased the economic incentives to work longer. Parallel, it has become more difficult to get a disability pension even for only medical reasons. (...) Several political decisions were also taken from the early 1990s on to counteract early retirement and increase the actual retirement age. (...) There is a clear socio-economic gradient in the age of retirement. Low-skilled jobs have lower wages and worse working conditions, work environment and occupational protection. The difference in “lost years”, i.e. the number of years that people exit from the labour market before reaching age 65, between early and late exit jobs amounts to 4.82 years for men (“Other sales and services elementary occupations” compared to “College, university and higher education teaching professionals”). For women, the difference is 5.55 years."
Rather than some socialist paradise, as is the stereotype of Sweden in the US (well, though compared to which, it might very well be), the political establishment there has been increasingly pushing neoliberal reforms for decades now.
Wow what an incredibly smug and presumptuous comment. You are so sure your assumption is right that you dismiss information directly from the person himself. This is some Reddit-tier shit right here.
Yes, because people never lie. Or save safe. Or tell a happier or sadder story than is the case.
I lost my 3 1/2 year old daughter to sudden illness several months ago. So many dreams left our family that day. Now it is up to those of us left behind to pick up the pieces.
I am sorry for your loss and I hope you find the strength and meaning to carry on.
Lots of love and a big hug to you
I have two kids around that age. Have had some bad scares and it’s been devastating emotionally for me
Hope you get lots of support
Feel free to reach out (checkout my profile), if you ever want to talk, about anything really, doesn’t have to be the kids
I have two kids around that age. Have had some bad scares and it’s been devastating emotionally for me
Hope you get lots of support
Feel free to reach out (checkout my profile), if you ever want to talk, about anything really, doesn’t have to be the kids
So sorry for your loss... I cannot imagine your pain.
Losing one of my children would be the end of me, just thinking of what you are going through brings a tear to my eye. I really hope you can pick up the pieces and enjoy what life still has to offer you.
Good lord, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 7 week old daughter to a sudden and unknown illness in November 2020. I have had 2 sons since and they are both healthy. I still think of the things I’ll never get to do with her with great sadness and heartache.
I'm extremely sorry for your loss. I do hope that you are able to pick up the pieces and somehow create a meaningful life with them.
So sorry, the only thing that helps is to love those left with all you have.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry...
The inability to be present has more to do with this artificially complex modern life we've engineered ourselves into, more than the trappings of our intellect.
Life was far more assuring, rewarding, bountiful, and meaningful if you were living in a small Native American community in the year 1400 and millions of bison roamed the plains, and the soil was the most fertile in the world, and you had a direct, non-abstracted, immediate relationship with every person in the community around you. All of your inputs lead to physically direct outputs.
And all of your biological wetware and quirks were designed and evolved to operate in this context. Hunting, foraging, moving your own body around, sleeping and waking with the sun, having non-digital relationships, eating whole foods from the earth.
And it's not to say life never had its struggles. But it was certainly more biologically consistent and natural than what we've turned it into.
Life was far more assuring, rewarding, bountiful, and meaningful if you were living in a small Native American community in the year 1400 and millions of bison roamed the plains, and the soil was the most fertile in the world, and you had a direct, non-abstracted, immediate relationship with every person in the community around you. All of your inputs lead to physically direct outputs.
And all of your biological wetware and quirks were designed and evolved to operate in this context. Hunting, foraging, moving your own body around, sleeping and waking with the sun, having non-digital relationships, eating whole foods from the earth.
And it's not to say life never had its struggles. But it was certainly more biologically consistent and natural than what we've turned it into.
This reads like the usual "appeal to nature" fallacy.
If you're going to focus on things like the soil being fertile and being directly involved with your neighbors, you kinda also have to consider the complete inability to cope with storms and disease and all the social ills that were reinforced because of that tight knit community.
We like to think of past life as having been the benefits of all our modern moral leanings and all our "invisible" technologies combined with idealized visions of farming fertile lands and hunting among herds of animals, but any history book makes it obvious why our ancestors struggled so hard for us to live differently.
Ignoring that many of the anecdotes presented in the linked article are mostly the author projecting despair onto others, those fundamental issues of disease, old age and death, were even worse when we lived "naturally" and had stronger ties to the people we lived around.
If you're going to focus on things like the soil being fertile and being directly involved with your neighbors, you kinda also have to consider the complete inability to cope with storms and disease and all the social ills that were reinforced because of that tight knit community.
We like to think of past life as having been the benefits of all our modern moral leanings and all our "invisible" technologies combined with idealized visions of farming fertile lands and hunting among herds of animals, but any history book makes it obvious why our ancestors struggled so hard for us to live differently.
Ignoring that many of the anecdotes presented in the linked article are mostly the author projecting despair onto others, those fundamental issues of disease, old age and death, were even worse when we lived "naturally" and had stronger ties to the people we lived around.
Largely agreed. A total regression view is inaccurate and foolish. Plenty of people had shit lives before industrialization and plenty of good lives were cut short.
We can't just assume "the past is better." That's wrong in many ways. However, when we look at our lives today, we can see things that are not good, and we can find ways that those things could be good. Many solutions can come from the past. Connection to our communities and investment in our environment seem to have real benefits for us an individuals, besides the systemic benefits.
We can't just assume "the past is better." That's wrong in many ways. However, when we look at our lives today, we can see things that are not good, and we can find ways that those things could be good. Many solutions can come from the past. Connection to our communities and investment in our environment seem to have real benefits for us an individuals, besides the systemic benefits.
How can solutions come from the past when we don't even have reliable information about what the past was like? Archaeological data on the lives of pre-Columbian indigenous New World peoples is extremely limited. Even much of what we think we know is probably mistaken, or at least badly distorted by modern biases.
Simple: we don't replicate the lives of past peoples. We take ideas from [our ideas of] the past and find out if they work for us. And... it doesn't need to be from indigenous New World people.
Hardly simple. You are talking about running huge social experiments based on guesses about what might work better. It would be interesting to see the results of such experiments, but extremely difficult to convince people to participate.
> You are talking about running huge social experiments based on guesses about what might work better
No, I'm not. But it's a good idea.
> extremely difficult to convince people to participate
Yes - easier to just stop tricking people into known-unhealthy behaviors first.
> Hardly simple.
The answer is simple. The implementation may or may not be [more simple than trying to replicate the lives of people in the past].
No, I'm not. But it's a good idea.
> extremely difficult to convince people to participate
Yes - easier to just stop tricking people into known-unhealthy behaviors first.
> Hardly simple.
The answer is simple. The implementation may or may not be [more simple than trying to replicate the lives of people in the past].
Yep. Also known as the golden age fallacy. It's nostalgia for a past that never existed.
Some people can't accept the fact that human life has always been terrible, and it's better today than it ever has been.
Some people can't accept the fact that human life has always been terrible, and it's better today than it ever has been.
the notion that quality of life could be boiled down to a number, to be put in some ranking for comparison across eras, is ludicrous
We don't need to rank eras and it doesn't hurt to make some comparisons or think about how life used to be. The main issue is people comparing while omitting large issues, not people claiming specific eras are better than others.
This is your opinion and I would suggest not a very popular opinion at that. I imagine the vast majority of the world can look at the number of violent crimes trending down over time and use that as a data point to rank eras. Similarly extreme poverty rate since the industrial revolution has drastically fallen. Another metric that I imagine the extreme vast majority of the world would find a useful metric in ranking eras. There are plenty of other metrics to rank eras that make plenty of sense if you look for them, and why shouldn't we?
Is it even possible to make progress if we're not defining what progress looks like? Is progress such a ludicrous goal for the human race? If progress is a reasonable goal and you can't make progress without defining what progress looks like then it's necessary for progress to have metrics that can be used to rank eras.
Is it even possible to make progress if we're not defining what progress looks like? Is progress such a ludicrous goal for the human race? If progress is a reasonable goal and you can't make progress without defining what progress looks like then it's necessary for progress to have metrics that can be used to rank eras.
What I said doesn't depend on that assumption. I can make the claim that life is qualitatively better while being agnostic about whether we can attach a number to it.
Have fun with that.
I much prefer having modern medicine, grocery stores, modern entertainment etc.
Just yesterday I picked up a bunch of tacos and sat down to watch the movie Renfield with the family and I had a brief moment of awe about all the resources that are at our fingertips. I am not rich by any means but can watch one of the greatest actors in history performing on a 72inch 4k screen in my living room whenever I want. It is amazing.
If you were a Native American in the 1400s you were pretty much guaranteed to die young and in a painful fashion after a very hard life.
I much prefer having modern medicine, grocery stores, modern entertainment etc.
Just yesterday I picked up a bunch of tacos and sat down to watch the movie Renfield with the family and I had a brief moment of awe about all the resources that are at our fingertips. I am not rich by any means but can watch one of the greatest actors in history performing on a 72inch 4k screen in my living room whenever I want. It is amazing.
If you were a Native American in the 1400s you were pretty much guaranteed to die young and in a painful fashion after a very hard life.
I agree with you 100%. The average person now lives better than the richest kings a few hundred years ago.
But I think it's funny that you use Nick Cage as an example. Not to be mean - I like him too. But it's still funny.
But I think it's funny that you use Nick Cage as an example. Not to be mean - I like him too. But it's still funny.
Oh yeah I was hoping someone would notice the Nick Cage greatest actor bit haha
> greatest actor
Surely you don't mean Nicholas Cage! That title clearly belongs to John Cena.
Surely you don't mean Nicholas Cage! That title clearly belongs to John Cena.
I'll also stay in 2023, thank you. The author of the comment, "Life was far more assuring, rewarding, bountiful, and meaningful back when...... " is ignorant and cannot imagine the hardships of such a life. He's nostalgic for a life that he didn't live. You don't have to fight off a saber tooth tiger to find meaning in this life.
Unless you had a Crow/Sioux type situation where your tribe was being eradicated by a neighboring tribe and you had been captured and enslaved, or your clan lacked power/influence due to a low number of strong males. But sure, if you were in the top it might have been like you describe.
Enjoy working 12 hour days every day and eating potatoes 365 days of the year?
Open literally any history book and be amazed at how far you are from reality. For the extreme vast majority of history we worked way less to sustain ourselves, certainly not the current 8 hours per day + average 100 minutes commute. The current 8 hours a day only sounds good because we had a short period of 10-12+ hours a day in mines and factories
It's funny how people are so confidently incorrect and so happy to be slave to their work, almost bragging about it. I can't even wrap my head around that, some form of Stockholm syndrome perhaps
https://groups.csail.mit.edu/mac/users/rauch/worktime/hours_...
https://medium.com/world-issues-politics-economics-and-more/...
https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/for-95-percent-of-human...
It's funny how people are so confidently incorrect and so happy to be slave to their work, almost bragging about it. I can't even wrap my head around that, some form of Stockholm syndrome perhaps
https://groups.csail.mit.edu/mac/users/rauch/worktime/hours_...
https://medium.com/world-issues-politics-economics-and-more/...
https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/for-95-percent-of-human...
Ignorance is bliss? Is it better to believe in gods that will reincarnate you as a bear if you die in battle? Or is it better to have access to knowledge?
Also, bad weather and praying to gods wasnt exactly input/output.
Also, bad weather and praying to gods wasnt exactly input/output.
I could go another round as a bear. Bears are awesome.
No, you don't get to be a bear at all. That was the mysticism the clan leader tricked you into dying for him for.
Disease, weather, conflicts with other warring tribes. Fitting into the hierarchy, the ever present threat of banishment.
The author views life through the lens of a hedonist, and finds that stoicism is better to deal with the tough times. They don't use any of these terms, which makes me think they are independently coming to the same conclusion as the Stoics. Seems pretty basic.
Did I miss the point?
Did I miss the point?
Life’s lessons can be learned in a myriad of ways. Stoicism resonates with many people because they find it applicable to what they’re experiencing in life, but that brings the implication with it that many people are bound to discover the same insights. This has happened since time immemorial, and ideas are reborn, repackaged, re-contextualized for a new era.
Stoicism also comes loaded with shoulds and shouldn’ts as they pertain to living a “virtuous life”, and for many people, this is too close to religious dogma for comfort. Put another way, there are many people who might benefit from the ideas but would bristle at the thought of turning to something that resembles religion.
But the underlying philosophical insights that can be found in stoicism can be also found across many other contemplative traditions.
When reading a piece like this, I don’t find it particularly interesting to try to reduce the author’s personal discoveries to “oh that’s just <philosophy>”. Many people find the stories of others helpful because they’re less abstract and heady than a series of intellectually sound ideas that might not feel very helpful when someone is going through the shit.
I’d argue that you missed the point of the piece. Knowing that stoicism (or Buddhism, etc…) exist doesn’t seem to have any bearing on the recollection of one’s personal journey. Some people are looking for a philosophy of life. Some people are just looking for comfort in knowing that others have experienced something that validates their own pain. And some people share their own journeys to make/find meaning in the pain, and it is this sharing that is more interesting than its resemblance to famous ideas.
Stoicism also comes loaded with shoulds and shouldn’ts as they pertain to living a “virtuous life”, and for many people, this is too close to religious dogma for comfort. Put another way, there are many people who might benefit from the ideas but would bristle at the thought of turning to something that resembles religion.
But the underlying philosophical insights that can be found in stoicism can be also found across many other contemplative traditions.
When reading a piece like this, I don’t find it particularly interesting to try to reduce the author’s personal discoveries to “oh that’s just <philosophy>”. Many people find the stories of others helpful because they’re less abstract and heady than a series of intellectually sound ideas that might not feel very helpful when someone is going through the shit.
I’d argue that you missed the point of the piece. Knowing that stoicism (or Buddhism, etc…) exist doesn’t seem to have any bearing on the recollection of one’s personal journey. Some people are looking for a philosophy of life. Some people are just looking for comfort in knowing that others have experienced something that validates their own pain. And some people share their own journeys to make/find meaning in the pain, and it is this sharing that is more interesting than its resemblance to famous ideas.
Maybe so if you missed the author and his experience in the hurry to summarize his concepts?
No; that’s exactly how I read it
mahathu(1)
> Social boundaries trumped my compassionate instinct.
I think he should have at least asked if she needed a hug.
Feels like that would have been a nice way to honor his instinct and her boundaries at the same time.
She may have at least appreciated the sentiment. Or she would have take him up on that offer and embraced his embrace. Either way, it seems like a positive.
I think he should have at least asked if she needed a hug.
Feels like that would have been a nice way to honor his instinct and her boundaries at the same time.
She may have at least appreciated the sentiment. Or she would have take him up on that offer and embraced his embrace. Either way, it seems like a positive.
It is weird when people let go of themselves when asked this question. I was in line for a TSA check. Latin woman in front of me had a hard mobile call (I don't speak Spanish, but I got the gist). I asked her is she was ok. 5 minutes of crying and Spanish. I gave her little side hugs and listened with compassion. It was a rather odd experience.
So much of how difficult suffering is comes from how we relate to it. I have one close relative diagnosed with incurable cancer, just one year after we lost his wife to another type of cancer, after a difficult 2 years long fight. I learned a lot about relating to death and suffering in the process. I am very influenced by buddhist thought, and used to be of the idea that the beat way to react to a relatives death was to meditate on the lack of independent reality of the self, and on the inevitability of death. I also used to think that the "skillful" reaction would be equanimity, total and calm acceptance of what happened. But when trying it, it felt very wrong. What changes a lot is to learn to accept the suffering, and learn to relate to it from a position of humility and openness. What I found is that, if suffering sometimes lessens in the process, it does not need to be, and even when it stays stable or grows, the shift in perspective can be incredibly freeing. For instance, one might feel powerless and angry at the world that made a relative sick, and at the medical system that failed to give an appointment on time and thus allowed the cancer to grow too much, etc. Just trying to be equanimous, to "letting it go", to see it as delusion feels very disrespectful and unhelpful. But by opening to it, sometimes the pain and anger are not "my" anger anymore, but universal love expressing itself through me, an expression of something bigger.
Here is some material that guided me through this process:
"A Buddhist grief observed" by Guy Newland. Pretty much describes the confusion I describe above.
"Being with dying" from Joan Halifax. Here, it is a buddhist hospice worker who explains how Buddhist teachings help her in her relation with the dying.
Finally, the teachings of Rob Burbea. He was a buddhiat teacher whom we lost in 2019 to cancer, and whose philosophy shifted over the years from a very interesting take on insight meditation towards a spirituality of reenchantment and meaning searching/making. Hearing his latest talks, which he was recording for hours from his bedroom between chemotherapy sessions, where he describes how he relates to his own dying is incredibly inspiring (and I am pretty much in love with the whole of his teachings).
Here is some material that guided me through this process:
"A Buddhist grief observed" by Guy Newland. Pretty much describes the confusion I describe above.
"Being with dying" from Joan Halifax. Here, it is a buddhist hospice worker who explains how Buddhist teachings help her in her relation with the dying.
Finally, the teachings of Rob Burbea. He was a buddhiat teacher whom we lost in 2019 to cancer, and whose philosophy shifted over the years from a very interesting take on insight meditation towards a spirituality of reenchantment and meaning searching/making. Hearing his latest talks, which he was recording for hours from his bedroom between chemotherapy sessions, where he describes how he relates to his own dying is incredibly inspiring (and I am pretty much in love with the whole of his teachings).
I think it's fair to say most things are not black and white, or gray. They're some kind of high dimensional noise function with clusters and gradients of every possible shade.
Something about this essay reminds me of a line from Stanley Lombardo’s translation of the Iliad:
“It was glorious to see—if your heart were iron, And you could keep from grieving at all the pain.“
“It was glorious to see—if your heart were iron, And you could keep from grieving at all the pain.“
For the Russian speakers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9IqT6O_qvE
I believe the net, pleasure minus pain, on earth is hugely negative.
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> He’s bent over and moves slowly. His hair is uncombed and a dull vacancy lurks in his eyes. He’s always there so he must need the money.
> His sadness is contagious.
This drives me crazy. You don't know anything about this guy. One time I took an airport shuttle and the driver was ancient, the bus was empty and we started chatting. He loves driving the bus, he does this to stay busy, he's retired but enjoys having a purpose and talking to people (such as myself). He told me all about his kids and their careers.
My point is you have absolutely no idea why anyone does anything, unless you ask them. Projecting sadness onto strangers says more about yourself than the subject.