Show HN: I built a directory about big life decisions/regrets(didyouregretit.com)
didyouregretit.com
Show HN: I built a directory about big life decisions/regrets
https://www.didyouregretit.com/
58 comments
I'd add inverse options. E.g. I decided to not buy a house and now I'm regretting it. The reason is rent was cheap in my area. Now it's ~3x the past bank interest. I was creditworthy at all times but chose to avoid unnecessary expenses, lol.
Well, I'm not sure I agree that you can draw conclusions like that if you don't take an action. Or maybe more accurately, it may not help others to know that you regret not buying a house. You're writing based on part of the financial side of the decision. Some people don't like the time and money they have to put into maintenance of a house. Taxes, insurance, and maintenance costs are all rising. Some people are surprised how much they like the freedom of doing what they want with their house. You only learn those things by going through the experience.
I don’t regret buying a house but I assumed I would. The great house price crash was waiting for me to buy, so I thought… still it is a shallow win to see others suffering with rent prices.
I do regret it, wish I'd bought a condo. Lawns are bogus and I don't need 4 external walls
I was avoiding living on the edge all my life, so it doesn’t hit that hard, but yeah, all housing markets are insane atm. I feel for those who only start living nowadays.
Great idea! I need to go through my Decisions list and iterate on it.
The problem this data will have is it’ll just be two extreme points of view. Some people regret heavily, some heavily glad. Anyone in between probably not represented because they can’t be bothered to express an opinion.
I saw a sign recently that just read “success is very similar to failure” and I absolutely agree.
The difference in your life and happiness between getting what you want and not is often much smaller than you expect.
I saw a sign recently that just read “success is very similar to failure” and I absolutely agree.
The difference in your life and happiness between getting what you want and not is often much smaller than you expect.
Considering the real value is in the comments, I think that's fine.
Also this reasoning applies just as much to any sort of review feature elsewhere. Yelp, Amazon, Glassdoor, IMDB, etc. Most people who bother to leave a review are those that have strong opinions one way or the other.
Also this reasoning applies just as much to any sort of review feature elsewhere. Yelp, Amazon, Glassdoor, IMDB, etc. Most people who bother to leave a review are those that have strong opinions one way or the other.
It loses a lot of data in nuance, as well. I regret never having an SO halfway through my life. But it's easy to gloss over the fact that not all relationships are helpful and can lead to grief and consequences that exceed the cost of being single. So what I'm really saying is that I regret forgoing a very specific case of having an SO.
This misses a lot of nuance. The decisions are yes/no on regret and an extremely short reason. These aren't going to help others make reasoned decisions about things. You can't really help with that anyway, because you're just setting someone up to write in the future "I wanted X but I read about someone else who regretted it. But now I regret not doing it because I'm not them."
For example, I once quit my salaried job to work as a contractor for a start-up, making up the money shortfall with other contract work. I regretted it quite quickly because my calculations on making up that money were off the mark, and my wife started to get pissed off about it. But it led through an interesting experience and cumulated in finding a job that has been so good to me and has paid so much more. So I think it was the best path I could have taken, and I shouldn't regret it at all, it has changed our family life. However, I still have regret because my wife doesn't see the causal relationship between my mistake and 9 months later having that opportunity, so it was a source of tension between us for much longer.
I could write similar stories about many things, like going to uni, having kids, moving country. The experience, the aftermath, and the effects much further down the line.
For example, I once quit my salaried job to work as a contractor for a start-up, making up the money shortfall with other contract work. I regretted it quite quickly because my calculations on making up that money were off the mark, and my wife started to get pissed off about it. But it led through an interesting experience and cumulated in finding a job that has been so good to me and has paid so much more. So I think it was the best path I could have taken, and I shouldn't regret it at all, it has changed our family life. However, I still have regret because my wife doesn't see the causal relationship between my mistake and 9 months later having that opportunity, so it was a source of tension between us for much longer.
I could write similar stories about many things, like going to uni, having kids, moving country. The experience, the aftermath, and the effects much further down the line.
The causal relationship is that you’re willing to explore more options before you go into full exploit mode, and that allowed you to find a better local maxima. It’s not that hard to follow. But if you frame it as an obviously bad decision having a good eventual outcome, it’s easier to call BS on it.
Everyone’s experience of life is different, so there’s almost no universal advice to begin with.
Buuut it is interesting to read about people’s reasoning, experiences, and their own thought process.
I think this is fine. It's kind of like Twitter; the lack of nuance is a feature. You add yours if it's something like 80% don't regret or regret.
People suck at understanding their reasons for or consequences of their life decisions.
Keep it short. Leave out the misguided attempts at self analysis.
Keep it short. Leave out the misguided attempts at self analysis.
The “Jagged Little Pill” song springs to mind.
Hi,
A question others often ask me when I'm struggling with a decision is "will you regret it?"
And that simple paradigm can make the answer clear.
But sometimes, I'm not sure. Sometimes, it seems like the options are equivalent – 6 one, half a dozen the other.
That got me curious about what other decisions people have made and whether they regret those decisions and why.
So, I made Did You Regret It – a directory of big life decisions and whether people regretted them, including their reasoning.
It might not actually help you make a huge life decision, but it's interesting to hear other people's stories in little bite-sized pieces.
A question others often ask me when I'm struggling with a decision is "will you regret it?"
And that simple paradigm can make the answer clear.
But sometimes, I'm not sure. Sometimes, it seems like the options are equivalent – 6 one, half a dozen the other.
That got me curious about what other decisions people have made and whether they regret those decisions and why.
So, I made Did You Regret It – a directory of big life decisions and whether people regretted them, including their reasoning.
It might not actually help you make a huge life decision, but it's interesting to hear other people's stories in little bite-sized pieces.
I like it! As soon as the database has a bit more meat to it, above some critical mass offset, I think this service can prove useful. The comments/stories/rationales will be probably more valuable than the metrics, just like with HN comments!
Interesting concept, but a point on the design: it's quite unclear whether the "reasoning" part is supposed to be "why you did it", "why you do/don't regret it", or both.
Ah, great point! I may rename that field so it’s more clear.
Thanks!
Interesting! You should consider making the email field optional: it’s unclear why it’s required, and maybe folks will be more comfortable sharing if it is optional.
Good point. I’ve gone back and forth.
I don’t want comfortable sharing to turn into spammming.
You could make it optional to grow users and then require it later
As Kierkegaard noted, you will regret it either way.
You need the inverse of all of the decisions:
"I decided NOT to invest in the stock market", etc.
"I decided NOT to invest in the stock market", etc.
At least make it consistent. Why is it “I decided to quit smoking” instead of “I decided to start smoking”? The default is to be a non-smoker.
I think the only sensible consistency is to have both, not one or the other. To a smoker, the default is the status quo.
that, and i suspect that many started smoking when they were young, trying to impress their peers, following their parents or friends habits etc, and most importantly not making a conscious decision. "it just happened. i don't know why". you can't regret a decision you didn't make. same goes for alcohol. this is different from drugs where everyone says "don't do it", and so doing it is more likely to be a conscious decision.
Yup! I’ll get on it!
Regret-centric advice always follows the implicit model of: had I taken Action, best case I add Good Result to this timeline, worst case I revert to this timeline. No, failure can have a cost that wipes out this timeline completely, leaving you unimaginably worse off.
So true. Very good to know which decisions are one-way or two-way doors.
I think regrets are somewhat of a pointless exercise (that is, there are exceptions, but much fewer than seems to be the assumption)
One takes a decision considering:
1. the best information available,
2. the sum total of your fears and complexes.
3. sometimes picking a choice without a clear cut set of criteria to make an informed decision.
Years later, what's the point regretting it? It means that you are now perhaps a different person, maybe more secure. Maybe you have information now that wasn't available to you then. Maybe you have grown to be the kind of person that can now make sense of the information that was given then. If the conditions were replicated (including your internal state), you'd likely make the same decisions.
You should of course reflect on it to learn and grow, and in particular, make amends if you wronged someone. But there is little point in dwelling on the past and saying, "if only ..."
One takes a decision considering:
1. the best information available,
2. the sum total of your fears and complexes.
3. sometimes picking a choice without a clear cut set of criteria to make an informed decision.
Years later, what's the point regretting it? It means that you are now perhaps a different person, maybe more secure. Maybe you have information now that wasn't available to you then. Maybe you have grown to be the kind of person that can now make sense of the information that was given then. If the conditions were replicated (including your internal state), you'd likely make the same decisions.
You should of course reflect on it to learn and grow, and in particular, make amends if you wronged someone. But there is little point in dwelling on the past and saying, "if only ..."
It can be helpful for others. There are certain kinds of regrets everyone comes close to experiencing it. And there’s a systemic reason (cultural, psychological, etc) that pushes us near the edge. Hearing someone else’s recount can be helpful in reconsidering.
Great point.
So, if you do regret something, just write your feelings down on the website and let it go;)
you are right. I’m going to copy this for future reference. Thanks
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I can't imagine this not suffering from selection bias.
The way I’d slightly reframe this is to make it be about “the grass is always greener.”
Instead of discussing regrets, just talk about the things you think more about now that you’ve committed to a choice.
For example, I don’t regret owning a home. But I now think a lot about how an open concept main floor seemed like a great idea, but without walls I don’t have many places to store my furniture.
Instead of discussing regrets, just talk about the things you think more about now that you’ve committed to a choice.
For example, I don’t regret owning a home. But I now think a lot about how an open concept main floor seemed like a great idea, but without walls I don’t have many places to store my furniture.
This is an interesting concept to gather people's experiences and perspectives on major life decisions. The short, bite-sized format could make it an engaging read. However, the lack of nuance may limit the usefulness for those seeking more in-depth advice.
I like the idea but am unable to add one. I'm guessing they are LLM generated like someone suggested
Neat idea! You might be able to deduplicate the list by converting the decisions to embeddings and running k-means clustering.
I like this idea!
I could definitely see running an ML algo to cluster the Reasonings by keywords and then hide the shorter ones, with the assumption that the longer explanations are more in-depth.
I normally need to select both as I regret not doing things but also regret doing them after.
Went in expecting something different. Would be great if it wasn’t simple yes no
Click on it and you'll get the various reasons.
Not saving or updating well? Can't find updated result in table.
lots of the content so far looks like it's LLM generated. lots as in, every one i clicked on