Ask HN: Battling Depression
18 comments
> feeling trapped and bound to the golden handcuffs to try and survive this expensive world while being forced to work on things I have little care for
I consider this just work. I've worked my entire career for other people, in corporate settings, doing the work they want me to do for a paycheck. I enjoy some aspects of my job, enjoy working with many of the people but when it comes down to it, I'm just a worker bee. Many people in many industries do this. I think social media and the tech culture of "passion" and "save the X" mission statements probably contribute some to thoughts that if you don't have those things that its bad or depressing. Work for humans hasn't changed much in a long time, you're usually working for someone on things they prioritize. The fact that you have "golden handcuffs" means you at least have the perspective that you're better off than most. If someone (or combined with a partner) makes $200k gross they are in the top 1% globally of earners, probably top 5% in the US.
I like building things in software and have found building physical things enjoyable as well, lots of problem solving and usually a finished project that you can look at. Try taking up a hobby or spending time outside of work on things you enjoy.
I consider this just work. I've worked my entire career for other people, in corporate settings, doing the work they want me to do for a paycheck. I enjoy some aspects of my job, enjoy working with many of the people but when it comes down to it, I'm just a worker bee. Many people in many industries do this. I think social media and the tech culture of "passion" and "save the X" mission statements probably contribute some to thoughts that if you don't have those things that its bad or depressing. Work for humans hasn't changed much in a long time, you're usually working for someone on things they prioritize. The fact that you have "golden handcuffs" means you at least have the perspective that you're better off than most. If someone (or combined with a partner) makes $200k gross they are in the top 1% globally of earners, probably top 5% in the US.
I like building things in software and have found building physical things enjoyable as well, lots of problem solving and usually a finished project that you can look at. Try taking up a hobby or spending time outside of work on things you enjoy.
You are not depressed because you don’t care about your work.
You don’t care about your work because you’re depressed.
Same with everything else.
Your brain will show you opposite rationalizations if you’re really depressed.
This doesn’t mean you can’t influence it by changing external factors.
This means you need to take it seriously and find a good psychiatrist to help with it. Not random dudes on the internet who think their boredom is a depression and brag how they fight it with gym.
You don’t care about your work because you’re depressed.
Same with everything else.
Your brain will show you opposite rationalizations if you’re really depressed.
This doesn’t mean you can’t influence it by changing external factors.
This means you need to take it seriously and find a good psychiatrist to help with it. Not random dudes on the internet who think their boredom is a depression and brag how they fight it with gym.
> You don’t care about your work because you’re depressed.
> Same with everything else.
> take it seriously and find a good psychiatrist to help with it.
So, you're seeing a depression as an external "illness" that can only be cured by pharmeceutical compounds?
I can only speak for myself, but to me that was dangerous advice. it removed accountability for my actions. the only thing that helped was getting into new actions. actively changing small things.
i was diagnosed with severe depression more than once in my life. things started to change for me only when I stopped believing this narrative.
a psychiatrist will give you pills, a psychologist will talk to you with a "playbook", both will try do bring some predefined indexes of clinical depression down. nothing of this is tailored to your personality.
because you mentioned it: gym does not change everything miraculously (neither do pills), but it taught me that my actions have significant effect. going through a perceived hamster wheel all the time, that realization was a big step forward to me. i did things that i did not want (like meeting people, applying for jobs, etc.). that helped, and it gets easier with each step.
ymmv
So, you're seeing a depression as an external "illness" that can only be cured by pharmeceutical compounds?
I can only speak for myself, but to me that was dangerous advice. it removed accountability for my actions. the only thing that helped was getting into new actions. actively changing small things.
i was diagnosed with severe depression more than once in my life. things started to change for me only when I stopped believing this narrative.
a psychiatrist will give you pills, a psychologist will talk to you with a "playbook", both will try do bring some predefined indexes of clinical depression down. nothing of this is tailored to your personality.
because you mentioned it: gym does not change everything miraculously (neither do pills), but it taught me that my actions have significant effect. going through a perceived hamster wheel all the time, that realization was a big step forward to me. i did things that i did not want (like meeting people, applying for jobs, etc.). that helped, and it gets easier with each step.
ymmv
I think it's outright disrespectful to just assume people in such circumstances are just looking for external factors to step out of responsibility. Have you ever thought that they do want to make a move, but just cant because their minds are broken?
you cant apply the "you actually just have to step up and get out of your comfort zone" advice to people whose minds are severely altered by their condition. You fix the condition first, or give a remedy, then when they start to get a grip on things you move to making changes to get them out of the situation
thank god you only speak for yourself, please keep it that way
you cant apply the "you actually just have to step up and get out of your comfort zone" advice to people whose minds are severely altered by their condition. You fix the condition first, or give a remedy, then when they start to get a grip on things you move to making changes to get them out of the situation
thank god you only speak for yourself, please keep it that way
Of course it’s not black and white. But the more concious control you have over some problem - the more it is your own laziness or stupidity rather than an illness that needs to be treated by professionals. Generally speaking.
Everyone needs to find his way.
For me, talking about my childhood to someone that was non-judgemental helped me far more than lifting weight. But that was for me. I'm glad you found your way.
For me, talking about my childhood to someone that was non-judgemental helped me far more than lifting weight. But that was for me. I'm glad you found your way.
Yes, sure, there is more than one way (maybe even as many ways as patients). My point was not about gym or not, it was about the idea that depression is something that is totally outside of one's own control.
Happy that you found your way, too.
Happy that you found your way, too.
Could be your job, or you could be depressed. I think you could debug a bit, would most people be happy with your job? Do some people seem happy there? If you tell me you're entry level at Amazon, well, no, a lot of people hate that.
If you tell me you work for some startup slaving away 60 hours a week, or work for some backwater government agency where you work 20 hours a week max and everything moves as fast as molasses, sure, either of those extremes can crush someone's soul.
If you work at a company that many people seem to be happy at, then you either are in the wrong job, or you should see a professional.
Finally, do you have other people you care about in life? Modern society is so good at telling us to focus inward, but study after study shows we find fulfillment in caring for others, be it friends, a partner, children, pets, etc.
If you tell me you work for some startup slaving away 60 hours a week, or work for some backwater government agency where you work 20 hours a week max and everything moves as fast as molasses, sure, either of those extremes can crush someone's soul.
If you work at a company that many people seem to be happy at, then you either are in the wrong job, or you should see a professional.
Finally, do you have other people you care about in life? Modern society is so good at telling us to focus inward, but study after study shows we find fulfillment in caring for others, be it friends, a partner, children, pets, etc.
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Mate, I think depression is indicative of the urgent need to change something.
If you don't have other health issues and/or disabilities, then what's left is to either change your job, or the people you are surrounded by.
If you don't have other health issues and/or disabilities, then what's left is to either change your job, or the people you are surrounded by.
A good dose of anti-depressants, leaving your job and a year of debauchery in Thailand? everything will be fine :)
purpose. survival mode lacks that.
i guess for most people this comes down to connection: social, romantic, whatever.
best you can do is leave the house, interact with people, (re)connect with friends and family. no shortcuts.
i guess for most people this comes down to connection: social, romantic, whatever.
best you can do is leave the house, interact with people, (re)connect with friends and family. no shortcuts.
Take time off work, take a break, travel.
Don't burn yourself out.
Don't burn yourself out.
I go get my dick wet on backpage. Hey, you asked.
I thought the feds got to that site back before covid times. I'm shocked that not only is it still up but still illicit.
Edit: Oh they did. In fact Kamala Harris was the AG who charged the owner.
Edit: Oh they did. In fact Kamala Harris was the AG who charged the owner.
Have you seen a psychiatrist?
I'm in the same boat, well actually much darker, no golden handcuffs, lot of student debt, health problems. I'm losing hope. I'm hoping the AI bubble bursts so that interest rates come down so I can get an interest rate on loans that is affordable. If I don't refinance it is game over. Honestly, I'm not sure I will be able to get through this.
not an MD or shrink
Depression is interesting because it exists and a state, feeling depressed/down and a condition Major Depressive Disorder, this is pretty common knowledge.
The things you have tried all work in varying degrees for both, though I believe Were still not exactly sure how SSRIs work.
There's been some buzz about depression being a sub-optimal adaptation humans use to protect themselves, logic being that withdrawal and reflection prevents exposure to risk and allows time to process and reorient.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (ies) are a type of treatment based on varying levels of awareness of thoughts and behaviours, some encourage labelling and challenging, some acknowledgement and seperation, instead focusing on the valued action or habit.
CBT is generally considered the best for "mood disorders" like depression, there's probably a whole host of reasons why, but my personal take is that it deals with the root causes of the suffering as opposed to solely management of symptoms.
"my job, feeling trapped and bound to the golden handcuffs to try and survive this expensive world while being forced to work on things I have little care for"
That reads to me like grief, a loss of control and an unhappy dependence on something you clearly have no passion for, and, when you put it like that, it's not hard to feel shit.
The reason those interventions likely failed is because the stressor, likey your job, or your current relationship to it remains, kind like treating a splinter with antiseptic cream and a band-aid, even though that's the correct treatment, first the splinter has to come out.
Maybe have a look for someone in your area that does Acceptance and Commitment Therapy alternatively you could check out The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris it's a book but I believe there is also an online course.
Alternatively you could look at some eCBT like ThisWayUp, or go down your own rabbit hole on CBT and maybe look at David Burns stuff (I think that's his name)
Either way you need to address the root cause of your distress which is your job and/or the way you feel about it.
Good luck my dude, you've got this and will be better off for it once you come out the other side of it.
Please excuse my shit spelling and punctuation I'm on mobile and half asleep.
Depression is interesting because it exists and a state, feeling depressed/down and a condition Major Depressive Disorder, this is pretty common knowledge.
The things you have tried all work in varying degrees for both, though I believe Were still not exactly sure how SSRIs work.
There's been some buzz about depression being a sub-optimal adaptation humans use to protect themselves, logic being that withdrawal and reflection prevents exposure to risk and allows time to process and reorient.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (ies) are a type of treatment based on varying levels of awareness of thoughts and behaviours, some encourage labelling and challenging, some acknowledgement and seperation, instead focusing on the valued action or habit.
CBT is generally considered the best for "mood disorders" like depression, there's probably a whole host of reasons why, but my personal take is that it deals with the root causes of the suffering as opposed to solely management of symptoms.
"my job, feeling trapped and bound to the golden handcuffs to try and survive this expensive world while being forced to work on things I have little care for"
That reads to me like grief, a loss of control and an unhappy dependence on something you clearly have no passion for, and, when you put it like that, it's not hard to feel shit.
The reason those interventions likely failed is because the stressor, likey your job, or your current relationship to it remains, kind like treating a splinter with antiseptic cream and a band-aid, even though that's the correct treatment, first the splinter has to come out.
Maybe have a look for someone in your area that does Acceptance and Commitment Therapy alternatively you could check out The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris it's a book but I believe there is also an online course.
Alternatively you could look at some eCBT like ThisWayUp, or go down your own rabbit hole on CBT and maybe look at David Burns stuff (I think that's his name)
Either way you need to address the root cause of your distress which is your job and/or the way you feel about it.
Good luck my dude, you've got this and will be better off for it once you come out the other side of it.
Please excuse my shit spelling and punctuation I'm on mobile and half asleep.
I’ve tried exercise, sleep, drugs, social events.
I think a lot of it has to do with my job, feeling trapped and bound to the golden handcuffs to try and survive this expensive world while being forced to work on things I have little care for. Curious what folks have done to help escape this dark cloud.