In 2011, I co-founded a software startup called Buffer, which I left in 2017 to live in multiple Thich Nhat Hanh / Plum Village monasteries for almost 2 years. I felt completely disoriented at the time, uncovering the many delusions of money, tech and fame as the final life answers, alongside broken relationships and friendships and nowhere to turn. The monks and nuns took me in in a way that I will be forever grateful for and Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching was the beginning on a long journey of self-discovery, healing, relaxation and coming to terms with reality as it is, right now.
Thich Nhat Hanh taught me something very ordinary: That it is important to pause often, to reflect, to sit still or walk in silence and to observe and acknowledge what is happening around you, inside and out. And to then act from that place of stillness and quiet with calm and kindness to the people around you. And to keep practicing this over and over again, without fail or getting tired from it.
I feel tremendous gratitude to him and his teaching, as well as the monks and nuns that dedicate themselves to his many practices and insights.
May he rest in peace and may his intentions and practices live on for a long time!
Exactly the kind of comment I was anticipating...and I find it quite annoying, because it misses the point I was hoping to make. Which is that even when you have everything "picture perfect", it required me to find another way to relate to life. And I believe that is true for any kind of experience most people are having in the world day to day.
I wish every leader gets access to these frameworks and takeaways. The #1 issue I face with every single client I've worked with over the years as an executive coach is exactly what they are pointing out here: that dealing with our emotions and inner worlds is the biggest challenge of all. Learning to deal with that has the highest ROI on both success and fulfillment/happiness compared to any other activity for a leader imo.
Another word someone brought up is "Geborgenheit", which translates to comfort or security. Briefly researching the origin it, it seems to come from the terminology around "Burg" (castle), and the feeling of safety and comfort we feel when we're inside one. In my understanding it also has a considerable amount of warmth next to the sense of safety and comfort. Overall, definitely one of my favorite words that I think belongs on this list too!
I'm touched by your vulnerability and openness. It reminds me of a client who had built a billion dollar company and wanted my help building his next one. My immediate sense was that that was not really why we were talking or why he was here. We kept going and eventually I challenged him asking whether he had really built a billion dollar fortress to never need to be vulnerable. He broke down and we went deep, uncovering some of the deepest trauma I'd seen someone go through when they were 4 years old. From there, everything shifted and things took a very different direction.
It's those kinds of insights, when as you say "as my healing journey has progressed, any ambitions I held to achieve business success on par with the Airbnb founders has faded, and been eclipsed by the realisation in order to anything really well – from running businesses and leading social/political movements, to simply having successful friendships/relationships, a healthy family life and a physiologically healthy body – a healthy emotional foundation is of prime importance.", once we really get in touch with our inner world, things shift dramatically and what has meaning to us changes. That doesn't mean that we don't want to to continue having a meaningful contribution to the world, but the sense of ego-striving that is often just a mask for our wounds can gently fall away and allow us to walk through life a little more freely.
My learning has been whether you get to the billion dollar level or not, the untouched wounding eventually comes through and takes its toll if it stays unaddressed. It's stories like yours and the one I've described that make coaching the most meaningful thing I've done in my life to date.
I'd like to reframe this, I think there's only one way to know if someone is a good fit for you - to have a proper, real, deep coaching session. As a software founder I have the idea of a "trial" baked into me, so I think this is no different here. I sometimes coach people for weeks at a time (there's no payment), so that both of us know whether this is right for us (I have the privilege that money is not an issue for me). So that I think is the most powerful, because at that point someone can truthfully commit and go all in and I think for a coaching partnership to be successful, that's the only way in my mind. When someone asks me I often say "let's coach and you can make up your mind after...", this really takes the pressure off, which can otherwise dilute a process that I think is honestly, holy in my book. In other words, if there's a coach you think could be helpful, ask them for a free, full-on coaching session so you can understand if there's a good fit.
And the most effective means to tune in in my experience are simply finding ways to slow down. Pausing, in talking, in walking, being in places that are less crowded. Tuning in during a walk in a park is much easier than in a busy restaurant. And pointing things out that you notice if someone is really charged about something, although that is a delicate process of course. But that's where I'd start.
In 2011, I co-founded a software startup called Buffer, which I left in 2017 to live in multiple Thich Nhat Hanh / Plum Village monasteries for almost 2 years. I felt completely disoriented at the time, uncovering the many delusions of money, tech and fame as the final life answers, alongside broken relationships and friendships and nowhere to turn. The monks and nuns took me in in a way that I will be forever grateful for and Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching was the beginning on a long journey of self-discovery, healing, relaxation and coming to terms with reality as it is, right now.
Thich Nhat Hanh taught me something very ordinary: That it is important to pause often, to reflect, to sit still or walk in silence and to observe and acknowledge what is happening around you, inside and out. And to then act from that place of stillness and quiet with calm and kindness to the people around you. And to keep practicing this over and over again, without fail or getting tired from it.
I feel tremendous gratitude to him and his teaching, as well as the monks and nuns that dedicate themselves to his many practices and insights.
May he rest in peace and may his intentions and practices live on for a long time!