i am at a Leadership level at one of the top 5 retailers.
i generally read HN but never write..so this is my first attempt to comment.
i have interviewed about 300 people in 4 years and built at team of 50 or so engineers (full time). i manage about 15$ million in personal budget and about $30mm matrix budget.
first of all, i agree with many who said you are already doing really well being at top 4. many times i have seen folks struggling like you are (as once i did when i was a developer) and that burden can be reduced by two things.
1. your learning to understand your emotional intelligence.
2. your understanding of how your team mates work.
read or listen to John Maxwell's books or read emotional intelligence.
Many of us look past our accomplishments and continue to look at unrealistic expectations. i know i will never be Steve J or Elon M. so i have made peace with myself of setting realistic expectations from my life though i strive to move higher in life and job.
in addition, since you are already are at big 4 and are not yet laid off means you already are valued. perhaps you need to have more 1 on 1s with your coworkers and give them chance to give you feedback.
take them out for lunch and ask for honest feedback but request of them "hey i know i am not perfect, but can you give me honest and constructive feedback without making it a complaint<read bitch> fest so that i can improve myself?"
i was really smart coder but i had one downfall i have pretty shitty memory when it comes to memorizing definition, but i can program like hell. i had very hard time passing interviews in backward places like central USA. then i decided to move to north east and since than i have increased my salary 6 folds in 8-9 years and generally get raises every 6 months. i am the youngest person in my position in the companies history.
what i am pointing out is that may be a change is good for you if you are unhappy.
LASTLY:
lets look at the positives:
you are living in the best times in the history (you can fly wherever you would like, you eat and drink whatever you like,...)
life is so beautiful..the world is so beautiful just take a break and time to appreciate it. you should never think about hurting yourself..espeically if its about money because they fucking print money left and right..you just need to go pick it up. its everywhere.
i came to this country with my parents who worked at Albertson's grocery store for $5.15/hr.
my total salary in 2005 was 11,200. today i make quarter million and have good investments. my parents are healthy, as my daughter and wife.
life should be appreciated. money is not everything...job is not everything...if you are intelligent which you MUST be because you are at top 4 tech co. then the piece you are missing is inner peace.
i have interviewed about 300 people in 4 years and built at team of 50 or so engineers (full time). i manage about 15$ million in personal budget and about $30mm matrix budget.
first of all, i agree with many who said you are already doing really well being at top 4. many times i have seen folks struggling like you are (as once i did when i was a developer) and that burden can be reduced by two things.
1. your learning to understand your emotional intelligence. 2. your understanding of how your team mates work.
read or listen to John Maxwell's books or read emotional intelligence.
Many of us look past our accomplishments and continue to look at unrealistic expectations. i know i will never be Steve J or Elon M. so i have made peace with myself of setting realistic expectations from my life though i strive to move higher in life and job.
in addition, since you are already are at big 4 and are not yet laid off means you already are valued. perhaps you need to have more 1 on 1s with your coworkers and give them chance to give you feedback.
take them out for lunch and ask for honest feedback but request of them "hey i know i am not perfect, but can you give me honest and constructive feedback without making it a complaint<read bitch> fest so that i can improve myself?"
i was really smart coder but i had one downfall i have pretty shitty memory when it comes to memorizing definition, but i can program like hell. i had very hard time passing interviews in backward places like central USA. then i decided to move to north east and since than i have increased my salary 6 folds in 8-9 years and generally get raises every 6 months. i am the youngest person in my position in the companies history.
what i am pointing out is that may be a change is good for you if you are unhappy.
LASTLY:
lets look at the positives:
you are living in the best times in the history (you can fly wherever you would like, you eat and drink whatever you like,...)
life is so beautiful..the world is so beautiful just take a break and time to appreciate it. you should never think about hurting yourself..espeically if its about money because they fucking print money left and right..you just need to go pick it up. its everywhere.
i came to this country with my parents who worked at Albertson's grocery store for $5.15/hr.
my total salary in 2005 was 11,200. today i make quarter million and have good investments. my parents are healthy, as my daughter and wife.
life should be appreciated. money is not everything...job is not everything...if you are intelligent which you MUST be because you are at top 4 tech co. then the piece you are missing is inner peace.