Wait, how slow is it starting for you? On my 2012 Mac Mini, a clean clj 1.11 REPL (with no namespaces loaded) starts in under 5 seconds (using JDK 18).
"Cloud-based" shows up as a "Pro" compared to Metabase several times, but that's inaccurate, since Metabase has a hosted offering: <https://www.metabase.com/start/>
There's one particular company that always asks for these on the phone, and unfortunately I have to call them somewhat regularly. "Yes, my grandma's name is 7lIMkcblbatQ7wXrmamTHc". Interestingly, they always maintain a poker face/tone throughout this process.