I’m very sorry to hear this and I’m going through something similar. My mother has been diagnosed with late stage cancer a couple of months ago. Here’s what I’m doing:
- I’m taking time of work. To look after her, but also my role as primary caregiver is impossible to combine with work
- I’m personally seeing a psychologist specialized in oncology. She taught me a useful self-care framework that consists of four pillars: autonomy, physical well-being, social support, and doing meaningful things.
- My mum is also seeing a similar person to talk about the disease, its implications and possible death
- My role as primary caregiver and only child is complex. We involved a mediator to set mutual expectations
- I’m using the time to learn how to take care of myself both physically and mentally. For instance, I’m experimenting with light therapy and nutritional supplements
- I am learning about cancer. This is sometimes emotionally tough, but I like that I can now better help my mother navigate the medical complexities. Cancer is also an interesting gateway into immunology. I recommend “Elegant Defense” by Matt Richtel
- I spent a lot of energy organizing professional care (e.g., nurses, food l). This means that my support for her now feels of a higher quality.
- I am helping my mum keep track of her medical condition over time. This relates for instance to pain, side-effects, complications etc.
- I am trying to figure out what she finds difficult from an emotional and energy perspective. I outsource this. She needs to focus on getting through the therapy.
- I didn’t read all the comments, but it’s very true that outsiders often don’t know what to do but want to help. Make a list of things that need to happen and share it with them.
- I’m taking time of work. To look after her, but also my role as primary caregiver is impossible to combine with work
- I’m personally seeing a psychologist specialized in oncology. She taught me a useful self-care framework that consists of four pillars: autonomy, physical well-being, social support, and doing meaningful things.
- My mum is also seeing a similar person to talk about the disease, its implications and possible death
- My role as primary caregiver and only child is complex. We involved a mediator to set mutual expectations
- I’m using the time to learn how to take care of myself both physically and mentally. For instance, I’m experimenting with light therapy and nutritional supplements
- I am learning about cancer. This is sometimes emotionally tough, but I like that I can now better help my mother navigate the medical complexities. Cancer is also an interesting gateway into immunology. I recommend “Elegant Defense” by Matt Richtel
- I spent a lot of energy organizing professional care (e.g., nurses, food l). This means that my support for her now feels of a higher quality.
- I am helping my mum keep track of her medical condition over time. This relates for instance to pain, side-effects, complications etc.
- I am trying to figure out what she finds difficult from an emotional and energy perspective. I outsource this. She needs to focus on getting through the therapy.
- I didn’t read all the comments, but it’s very true that outsiders often don’t know what to do but want to help. Make a list of things that need to happen and share it with them.
I wish you and your mother lots of strength.