Ask HN: How do you deal with or stop escapism?
In other words, how do you stop yourself from running away from your problems?
12 comments
I don't have an actual method, personally, but years of experience has shown me time and time again that real problems will, sooner or later, force you to deal with them. If you avoid a problem until you have no choice but to deal with it, that problem will be orders of magnitude worse, more painful, and more difficult to resolve.
So when a problem comes my way, I remind myself of this and make a conscious decision to deal with it immediately out of a sense of self-preservation.
The tricky part is that not all problems are real problems. Some are pseudoproblems that will eventually just evaporate. In the moment, it can be hard to tell which is which. I choose to deal with them anyway, on the basis that resolving a pseuodproblem does no real harm, but not resolving a real problem does.
So when a problem comes my way, I remind myself of this and make a conscious decision to deal with it immediately out of a sense of self-preservation.
The tricky part is that not all problems are real problems. Some are pseudoproblems that will eventually just evaporate. In the moment, it can be hard to tell which is which. I choose to deal with them anyway, on the basis that resolving a pseuodproblem does no real harm, but not resolving a real problem does.
Problems usually tend to grow stronger as you look away and even if your escapism works, there will always be this looming black cloud in the back of your head.
The problem is, that over time you can grow so acustomed to this black cloud that you forget about it’s existance and your feel bad and worse and when everything becomes to much you face it. And only then you will realize how much you really suffered.
Life is short. Too short to fill it with distractions.
If your problems seem big, do it like a mountaineer: one step at a time. If you want to reach that summit in one step you will not even start the journey. Break your problem into managable pieces and try to change habits in away that helps you to take these steps.
Find help and talk to people about it, promise a good friend to come back to them after a month and tell them how you did (even if you fucked up).
The problem is, that over time you can grow so acustomed to this black cloud that you forget about it’s existance and your feel bad and worse and when everything becomes to much you face it. And only then you will realize how much you really suffered.
Life is short. Too short to fill it with distractions.
If your problems seem big, do it like a mountaineer: one step at a time. If you want to reach that summit in one step you will not even start the journey. Break your problem into managable pieces and try to change habits in away that helps you to take these steps.
Find help and talk to people about it, promise a good friend to come back to them after a month and tell them how you did (even if you fucked up).
Tell yourself it's a feature, not a bug. I'm only half joking.
Seconded. There was actually a study related to this: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S019188691...
By confronting and dealing with the underlying things leading you to want to escape in the first place. The escapes only offer temporary relief, while effective confrontation can resolve the issues so you can get off the hamster wheel and move on.
CBT [0] has been by far the best way I've found so far to achieve meaningful, long-term change to my underlying thinking and mindset. CBT offers a scientifically-based approach, and there are lots of helpful professionals out there.
If this information helps you or anyone reading this, I'll be so happy!
[0] https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavi...
CBT [0] has been by far the best way I've found so far to achieve meaningful, long-term change to my underlying thinking and mindset. CBT offers a scientifically-based approach, and there are lots of helpful professionals out there.
If this information helps you or anyone reading this, I'll be so happy!
[0] https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavi...
It's all just habit.
Don't overthink the methodology. The more you run from problems, the more likely you run from that problem next time. Whatever choice you pick when dealing with a problem is more likely to be the default choice next time.
The most common mistake is to not recognize the problem or escapism when it happens. Or rather, to see it but pretend it isn't there. That's really where all forms of therapy come in; they help you to admit the problem and stop avoiding it. After all, avoidance is a form of escapism.
There's a reason why we do this though. Most problems go away. And some problems get worse while you're tackling them. So like our addiction to sugars and fatty food, it's by design.
Don't overthink the methodology. The more you run from problems, the more likely you run from that problem next time. Whatever choice you pick when dealing with a problem is more likely to be the default choice next time.
The most common mistake is to not recognize the problem or escapism when it happens. Or rather, to see it but pretend it isn't there. That's really where all forms of therapy come in; they help you to admit the problem and stop avoiding it. After all, avoidance is a form of escapism.
There's a reason why we do this though. Most problems go away. And some problems get worse while you're tackling them. So like our addiction to sugars and fatty food, it's by design.
It would help to make this more concrete, in the abstract it's a bit difficult.
Firstly, What kind of problems are you running away from? How do you describe your problems to yourself?
For mood dysregulation stuff: If you're angry or depressed or anxious, I found "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach to be very helpful. Getting help from a therapist is also worth checking out. Good therapists are hard to find, don't settle for just any therapist.
People problems? You don't get along well with your partner or family? Or you don't have people you feel close to? It's complex. A cheap place to start getting a picture of how healthy people relate is by heading Carolyn Hax's daily column. Google her. Going to Al-anon is good if people around you are drinking or being abusive to you. Therapy again is an option, as is meditation and other self-care techniques. Browse the self help section of your local bookstore.
Financial problems? Heath problems? Motivation problems: Not doing work that you like? These are definitely problems that need addressing, but the specifics of how to are even harder in the abstract.
How are you escaping/regulating your emotions yourself now?
One big problem with drugs and alcohol is that they get in the way of developing other, positive self-care mechanisms such as meditation, exercise, sleep and nutrition. Google psychological self-care.
What are your social supports in life? Spouse, family, friends. How can they help you in this?
Explore 'escaping from what?' What's something in your current life that you'd like to escape? What part of the past feels like it's been 'stealing the present', that you'd like to escape from? Personally, I've worked to escape the negative impact that my father's physical and emotional abuse had on me. (The main impact being it turned me into an angry person.)
It's a good thing you've done to reach out and ask for help around this. Consider that you're on a 'Journey of Awareness' to wake up to the reality of your own inner world. Take it on as an active task.
Firstly, What kind of problems are you running away from? How do you describe your problems to yourself?
For mood dysregulation stuff: If you're angry or depressed or anxious, I found "Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach to be very helpful. Getting help from a therapist is also worth checking out. Good therapists are hard to find, don't settle for just any therapist.
People problems? You don't get along well with your partner or family? Or you don't have people you feel close to? It's complex. A cheap place to start getting a picture of how healthy people relate is by heading Carolyn Hax's daily column. Google her. Going to Al-anon is good if people around you are drinking or being abusive to you. Therapy again is an option, as is meditation and other self-care techniques. Browse the self help section of your local bookstore.
Financial problems? Heath problems? Motivation problems: Not doing work that you like? These are definitely problems that need addressing, but the specifics of how to are even harder in the abstract.
How are you escaping/regulating your emotions yourself now?
With drugs, alcohol or other addictive or compulsive behavior
With work
Just Daydreaming
Playing computer games/web surfing/social media
One big problem with drugs and alcohol is that they get in the way of developing other, positive self-care mechanisms such as meditation, exercise, sleep and nutrition. Google psychological self-care.
What are your social supports in life? Spouse, family, friends. How can they help you in this?
Explore 'escaping from what?' What's something in your current life that you'd like to escape? What part of the past feels like it's been 'stealing the present', that you'd like to escape from? Personally, I've worked to escape the negative impact that my father's physical and emotional abuse had on me. (The main impact being it turned me into an angry person.)
It's a good thing you've done to reach out and ask for help around this. Consider that you're on a 'Journey of Awareness' to wake up to the reality of your own inner world. Take it on as an active task.
Try to trace back that feeling when it arises, a feeling that hinders you from completing or even considering a goal. For me that would be a fear to fail, or fear of receiving criticism from others. If you have it in you, you know it cuts like a knife, drives you into perfectionism, etc. The solution is to embrace the idea that failing is a part of life.
Are you talking about fleeing your problems or avoiding them?
“Escapism” usually refers to burying oneself in distractions (especially fiction) to avoid confronting problems.
Whereas running away from problems (ex: breaking up with someone because you’re afraid to attend their cousin’s wedding) is something else.
“Escapism” usually refers to burying oneself in distractions (especially fiction) to avoid confronting problems.
Whereas running away from problems (ex: breaking up with someone because you’re afraid to attend their cousin’s wedding) is something else.
By embracing it? Working in an escapism industry (VR for me) so escapism becomes a goal that you need to optimize and have an incentive to work for and complete tasks. For other issues like chores and paperwork, sharing the load with someone.
Basically by creating escape solutions for others.
Basically by creating escape solutions for others.
Unattended problems tend to get worse over time. So, it's rational to take care of them now vs putting it off for later.
The mental seal.