The book Love and Death by Forest Church was VERY helpful to me and I recommend it highly. It's written by a pastor who was terminally ill, but it isn't focused on religion (although it's a factor).
I lost my mom as a teenager and I'm 43 now so have some perspective on death, but I don't know your pain as it's yours. Here are the things I'm telling myself in case any of it is useful?...
I am thankful for the time I did have. I know that I will lose everything I love in this world when either I die or they die (best case). This means my capacity for loss and love are perfectly symmetrical, so I face loss with gratitude. I do not throw a tantrum that I didn't get more, as I am grateful to have had that love at all.
I know humanity at its best functions like one organism, and that organism deploys love to fill voids of sadness (as is happening in this comment section). If I look I find that in other areas of life as well, my friends, family and community at their best react to loss by loving each other more. Along those lines I work hard to have no unfinished business with anyone. The people I love know it because I have those awkward talks with them where I make sure they know it. At any moment I am able to face my own death or the death of others with peace. I don't have to be perfect in this regard, just my best.
I do not honor those that are lost with sadness. I honor them with celebration as that's what they want and deserve. Their life and my love for them was vibrant and beautiful and I must remember it for all of that. When I think back on good times with those that are gone and smile or even laugh I know their energy wherever it is, is alive.
The book Love and Death by Forest Church was VERY helpful to me and I recommend it highly. It's written by a pastor who was terminally ill, but it isn't focused on religion (although it's a factor).
I lost my mom as a teenager and I'm 43 now so have some perspective on death, but I don't know your pain as it's yours. Here are the things I'm telling myself in case any of it is useful?...
I am thankful for the time I did have. I know that I will lose everything I love in this world when either I die or they die (best case). This means my capacity for loss and love are perfectly symmetrical, so I face loss with gratitude. I do not throw a tantrum that I didn't get more, as I am grateful to have had that love at all.
I know humanity at its best functions like one organism, and that organism deploys love to fill voids of sadness (as is happening in this comment section). If I look I find that in other areas of life as well, my friends, family and community at their best react to loss by loving each other more. Along those lines I work hard to have no unfinished business with anyone. The people I love know it because I have those awkward talks with them where I make sure they know it. At any moment I am able to face my own death or the death of others with peace. I don't have to be perfect in this regard, just my best.
I do not honor those that are lost with sadness. I honor them with celebration as that's what they want and deserve. Their life and my love for them was vibrant and beautiful and I must remember it for all of that. When I think back on good times with those that are gone and smile or even laugh I know their energy wherever it is, is alive.
I wish you the best on your journey.