Appreciate the write up with specific examples. I haven’t been discriminated against at work (that I’m aware of) and try very, very hard to avoid it (though I’m sure I have failed unknowingly). This helps remind me of how it can happen whether intentional or not.
If you’re willing to read documentation, OpenBSD is best-in-class for a secure, stable home router. The interfaces (configuration, CLI) are extremely simple and the man pages top notch.
If you’re intimidated by man pages, just be aware they vary in complexity and readability along with the tool they describe. I continue to check them first, and if they’re tl;dr, there is probably a tool that is more simple and suited for your use case. Reading (and searching) them becomes easier over time. Shameless plug for OpenBSD, which has the best man pages I’ve seen thus far.