Just stay open to appropriate criticism, reflect and discuss criticism you cannot accept (maybe it is really inappropriate, but maybe not), talk a lot about expectations theirs and yours, maybe make some suggestions to
* on the job training,
* mentoring,
* code reviews
Be also open about your respect for your managers and their skill, but do not belittle yourself. Keep the story of the lion and the mouse in the back of your head :-)
Also see to it to get feedback on criticism from a different perspective, i.e. talk about the talk with the boss with your manager. They might help you separate the rambling about project mishaps from the stuff really concerning you.
And finally: Always remember there are other good bosses out there.
Some tips from somebody in a very similar situation (including the dead water)
- Cardio: Going out for a walk, running, walking the little one, preferably while sleeping so it adds no stress to the walking; You have to get the adrenalin out of your system and cardio is the most efficient way to do this
- medical check-up: especially the hormone stuff
- self-monitoring: Leave situations before you meltdown. Do not answer immediately when you see a meltdown coming or feel that you are already there, if nothing else works, just leave the room.
- Talk this through with your family, be transparent on your wish to "get better" again; show commitment. To me it is the biggest motivation that I want to be at least a mediocre parent, not the kind hated by their ex and children.
- Some kind of mentoring/personal trainer/psychology helps, because it adds that sweet third-person perspective. You are asking complete strangers for help already, so think about what kind of assistance you are willing to accept. A friend of mine is in a self-help group, I am quite content with psychoanalysis though it is baby steps and that does not go well with my impatience :-) Not sure if your rejection of psycho* is not already part of the problem, nobody I met in the mental health sector was arrogant, but your milage may vary.
- Think about your job and whether it is worth risking your family. Apply at some other company (but remember that there is no company where all is good) that you can identify with more or just for a change of scenery. Become a carpenter. Do not allow yourself to sulk in some 'I am the victim' mindset even if you are a victim, it will not get you anywhere.
- read this: https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/chi-schmich-sunscreen...
Disclaimer: I am still melting down several several times of the week, and there are times when I cannot imagine to go for another minute. But I do.
Be also open about your respect for your managers and their skill, but do not belittle yourself. Keep the story of the lion and the mouse in the back of your head :-)
Also see to it to get feedback on criticism from a different perspective, i.e. talk about the talk with the boss with your manager. They might help you separate the rambling about project mishaps from the stuff really concerning you.
And finally: Always remember there are other good bosses out there.