I've been wanting for a while to share my experience of loneliness and how I overcame it 7 years ago during my PhD in the hopes that people who find themselves stuck in a similar situation find solace and encouragement.
In summary, the following 3 factors helped me overcome loneliness:
1. Support from my family.
2. Commitment from my romantic partner.
3. Becoming unstuck from my career obstacles.
Having friends around was fun in the moment and arguably gave me some of the most amazing memories in my lifetime. However, in the moments of despair, friends without commitment weren’t able to provide me with the refuge and support that I needed to trudge through the trenches and make it to the finish line.
They say “no man is an island.” We form mini continents with people we are committed to. Non-committal relationships, on the other hand, are like cruise ships—docking at the island briefly, then sailing away whenever they please. But, man, aren’t those ships fun to have around—they can turn a mere island into a paradise.
I think that is fair if the expectation is such that you contribute interesting ideas, like in a forum.
However, when it is one on one communication, many times people are looking for emotional connection rather than simple exchange of ideas. I think that is when ghosting really stings.
Our reliance on online interactions is responsible for the increase in the tendency to ghost.
That is a big problem because that means more proportion of people's attempts to connect with others as a whole end up in straight up neglect which can be detrimental to not only one's ego, but also one's social development.
I think this contributes significantly to the loneliness epidemic, and ultimately people need more in-person interactions to overcome this.
Definitely should be a balance between individualism and collectivism. Covid drove us all the way to one extreme, and now some people seem to crave the opposite.
But it is also interesting to see that there seems to be a wide spectrum in office cultures post Covid. Some jobs still feel like they are in the thick of it, while others are back to 5 days (or even more if you work for one of Elon's companies)
"If I told you, 'I went into my backyard, I made this pill. It's amazing. It's free. If you take it, it'll actually improve your health, make you feel better, improve your performance at work, improve your grades, boost your immunity,' you'd be like, 'Sign me up. I'll take that tomorrow.'" It turns out that's what social connection is. Just a little connection can go a long way in keeping us healthy.
These are real voices from real places. It does have 2 AI voice filter options available for people who want to stay anonymous, but the audio sources are real people. You can tell by the diverse voices you can listen to.
What was also incredible was that there were not only people experiencing loneliness here, but also people who did not feel lonely but were on the app to support others going through loneliness. They would share stories and studies related to loneliness in their posts, and also try to talk to some lonely folks on the app who seemed very hardened by their experience of loneliness which made them cynical and pessimistic. The concept of compassionate listening by Thich Nhat Hanh and Polyvagal theory that explains 3 levels of our nervous system are a few things they mentioned that come to my mind. Unfortunately, these efforts by supporters were often, so to speak, ineffective in solving people’s loneliness.
What I learned:
And that was part of what made it so hard to have a sustainable ecosystem on my app: many people who have been lonely for a long period of time had their personalities and social skills hardened to the point that they either:
* did not know how to engage with others by understanding social cues and sharing stories about themselves that allow themselves to be vulnerable to others, which allows for deeper social connections
* felt they are never good enough, they are stuck in their situation, and there is nothing that can help them get better. Any help or suggestions offered by others would only work on others and did not apply to them.
My hope for the app was to help people who experience loneliness find and support each other. By providing the platform for them to voice out their stories, have them be heard by others, and find others who resonate and reply, I thought they would finally find friends whom they can relate to, share their lives with, and would no longer have to feel lonely again.
However, the reality was that many were hardened by loneliness and it was hard for such connections to materialize. Plus, one of the main ways for an app like this to grow is by word of mouth. Unfortunately, most people experiencing loneliness did not have anyone to share the app with, which stunted the app’s growth and mostly depended on me manually bringing users onto the platform.
With fewer chances of having good interactions, even the people who really resonated with the app and shared stories slowly stopped coming back. Some just suddenly ghosted, which made the experience on the app painful for other engaged people on the app.
My hope for the future:
I still believe that there are more people out there experiencing loneliness who have the deep desire to share their stories and find the long-term friends across the globe who understand each other and can share slices of their lives with.
So, if you are someone that can benefit from sharing stories and solve your loneliness this way, feel free to check out my app at https://bubblic.app
Also, if you know of any way I can improve the app to better help people experiencing loneliness, please leave a comment.
Lastly, word of mouth would really help. If you like the app, or if you know someone who would benefit from the app, please share it with others!
TLDR:
I created an app focused on voice communication to help lonely people connect, inspired by my own experiences. Despite an encouraging start and meaningful interactions, many users struggled to form lasting connections due to the deep impact of their loneliness. Growth has been slow, mainly reliant on my efforts. If you know someone who might benefit, please share my app: https://bubblic.app. Feedback is also welcome!
Tech stack used:
Backend: AWS Websocket, DynamoDB, Cognito, S3, Lambda;
AI: WhisperX model running on laptop locally;
Frontend: Flutter
In summary, the following 3 factors helped me overcome loneliness:
1. Support from my family. 2. Commitment from my romantic partner. 3. Becoming unstuck from my career obstacles.
Having friends around was fun in the moment and arguably gave me some of the most amazing memories in my lifetime. However, in the moments of despair, friends without commitment weren’t able to provide me with the refuge and support that I needed to trudge through the trenches and make it to the finish line.
They say “no man is an island.” We form mini continents with people we are committed to. Non-committal relationships, on the other hand, are like cruise ships—docking at the island briefly, then sailing away whenever they please. But, man, aren’t those ships fun to have around—they can turn a mere island into a paradise.