Indeed, we aren't separate; that does not mean that swimming in an acid mine lake is equivalent to swimming in a clear glacial lake... one is more likely to kill you than the other.
You mentioned studying philosophy, you're confusing your ontological and epistemological positions.
An interesting anecdote, I was sent to months of psychological and physiological evaluation as a child as some adults knew something was "wrong" or more accurately things didn't seem to make sense.
Those things finally made sense to me when I did a short screener for autistic masking and found myself in the 99th percentile.
For me, it's knowing what you want to do but being unable to do it.
That's expressed quite poorly, I know, let me try harder. "...knowing what you want to do..." is not at any point in time or in any specific dimension. It is literally what I write and can be as simple as "pick up the leaf off the floor", it doesn't need to be valuable, expected, novel, easy, hard, etc. "...being unable to do it..." is not unable to reify an ideal or perfection. It's being unable to consistently "do", to however you define "do", to whatever you set out to do no matter how small, simple, easy you make it.
What made that hard for me was before the diagnosis I didn't have enough language to make sense of that in a way that wasn't damaging to some aspect of myself. And in me that created an early bias to the shutting down of expression. A retreat into my mind, as the stuff of minds is not as limited by the doing.
The diagnosis is a shortcut, a way to tap into the work others have done. And that work is so easily applicable because what I thought was a problem unique to me is shared so strikingly by other people in the ADHD/autism cohort. It took me a long time to find that out.
And just as a minor counterpoint to some comments, the pressure never came from my parents or teachers or... (well it did come from needing to exist materially in the world) but from myself. So while it may be convenient to think that the problem with ADHD is the 'system', it's not required. It's not required because in the mind, the system and the I are the same thing and cannot be separated.
I strongly relate. Only for me it wasn't anger but pain, a different perspective of the same thing I imagine. I would always follow my anger and found that it always lead to existence.
I've done some exploration of the path you talk about here and above, thoughts like "...artificial conditions that would not exist in absentia of the system..." and I struggle to bring it back intact into my world with doesn't exist in absentia of systems.
I'm currently in the process of a late 30's ADHD diagnosis. As is becoming increasingly unsurprising, I'm unsurprised at how relatable the article and all the comments here are.
I'm writing this just to say, it's ok. I'd like to be able to tell myself that and believe it but I can't yet.
It's hard to even express how painful ADHD is. I have had first hand experience of multiple major traumas as a child and none of them come even close to a life of undiagnosed ADHD.
I completely agree it's not purely technical nor purely social but it is a real problem. Personally, I lost out on an equity options exit event due to delays caused partly by these exact issues and visas.
I’m an engineer who has enjoyed psytrance since the 90's and I’ve sometimes wondered how the two relate, if at all. In some aspects psytrance could be better described as sculpture in motion rather than music. The process of making it also feels more like sculpture than the live, in the moment creation of music on an instrument. Regarding the two, I visualise psytrance as form, motion, colour, etc., with a lot of slowly shifting, but often nested, repetition much in the same way I visualise computational processes.