That’s an interesting take about the walls. I’ve always thought of it more like pathways. There are certain pathways of thought and action that I tend to take on a daily basis. Those pathways get pretty well worn in which makes it all the more easier to continue taking those pathways even if they aren’t serving me well. Experimenting with psychedelics has been a great way of showing me that there are other pathways or even that I can pave my own, but in order to actually not go back to my old habits entirely afterwards and ways of thinking after the trip, I have to make a conscious effort into choosing to take the new pathways that I discovered on the trip. It’s not usually some big profound change, but I think that following some of those new paths and wearing them in has had a positive influence in my life in ways that can continue.
With some of my more profound psychedelic experiences, I’ve found that there’s a little bit of an afterglow effect where for a couple days, I feel like the trip I had, that has since worn off, is still totally valid and profound and meaningful. That, I’d say, is the best time to start incorporating some new habits or practices (or maybe getting rid of some old baggage), before the walls start to go back up.
My advice is to sit yourself down and try to write about some of the things that you are thankful for. If you can sit down and make the post that you just did telling us all about how you feel, you also have the ability to try sitting down and finding a few things that you are thankful for. Maybe just start it out as a little practice a few times. No pressure. Start writing and just let it flow for a little bit but try to focus on some of the things that you feel like you might be thankful for. Even if it's the silliest things. I bet you can find a few things that you are thankful for... It may sound corny and to be honest, it's truly an obvious ploy to trick your mind away from feeling the way you wrote about into finding the foundation of at least something that you like and feel good about even if it's just in this moment. Perhaps maybe there's something that you can focus on that does make you feel good. Start there. You might even find some things that you are passionate about.
If you're not already, I also recommend getting some fresh air and exercise. Even if it's just going for a walk.