We used them in the Army when transferring classified docs around base. They had a handcuff hook on them. I asked a Warrant officer I worked with why we didn’t use the handcuffs. He asked me if I’d seen Mad Max.
My family has a healthy dose of depression passed down. I can read it in every word you're writing. It's just a chemical reaction, you can defeat it but it will be tough. Incremental improvement is crucial, you don't need to make big changes, but small ones.
Achievement cures depression. Any achievement. Dead time exacerbates depression - i.e. watching TV, drinking, drugs, playing mindless games, social media, porn, hell even reading sometimes if it's trash and you're just reading to escape your reality. One to two hours of entertainment time a day is fine, but more than that will just make you feel worse. Quit escaping your life because it's shitty or it will remain shitty.
So try this, set a small goal for yourself, either fitness or professional. You could take an online course to refresh your BI skills. Give that 100%. Knock it out, get some kind of certificate. Frame it.
Fitness always makes me feel better (plus it boosts serotonin). Try the "Couch to 5k" program online. You start just doing a light walk and jog, next thing you know you're running a race. That will make you feel great, I promise, it's awesome. If you have bad knees or something buy a bike, do a bike race.
Pick one small thing that you can win at, a relatively easy goal. Demolish it. The rest will come as you continue to set small goals and string wins together. String together enough and you turned it around.
Don't worry about what happened already. Stuff happened, now you just adapt and overcome.
Bro you are are on the right forum. My family has a healthy dose of depression passed down. I can read it in every word you're writing. It's just a chemical reaction, you can defeat it but it will be tough.
Achievement cures depression. Any achievement. Dead time exacerbates depression - i.e. watching TV, playing mindless games, porn, hell even reading sometimes (if it's trash and you're just reading to escape your reality - obviously lots of reading can be good). Quit escaping your life because it's shitty or it will remain shitty.
So try this, set a small goal for yourself, either fitness or professional (i.e. a training course online, Udemy, etc. maybe refresh your BI skills with some modern Big Data type stuff). And just give that 100%. Knock it out, get the certificate, lose 10 pounds. Just one small win. BTW I work in that field a bit - it's gotten so much more fun in the last 10 years than just running Tableau over and over. Cloud services have made analytics just amazing.
Start there. The rest will come as you continue to set small goals and string wins together.
Don't worry about what happened already. Shit happened, now you just adapt and overcome.