> A lesson I learned from reading Mark Manson’s “Models” as an awkward stupid teenager who wanted to get girls is that the world is an abundant one full of all kinds of people: some who shun us, others who love us. When someone reveals that there’s no room for a relationship, they do us a huge favor and free us up to go pursue others who are open to it. I’ve seen great success in quickly being thankful for the data and moving on.
Getting strong pickup artist vibes here. I needed that sort of knowledge too. Married nowadays, would've been single forever probably if I wouldn't have gone through that phase.
It makes sense that you break social interactions down like this. This type of thinking flows from pickup.
It also puts into context that you said stuff like "you know you're a slut" (which you don't remember doing but you mentioned having done similar enough things). It seems you mixed pickup with work. I was a high schooler when I learned it and did it solely outside of high school. So I wouldn't run into these things.
Yep, I thought this was a ridiculous statement. Then I got diagnosed in my mid thirties because of sleeping issues. My psychologist needed to evaluate everything about me and diagnosed me as autistic, despite not really having social issues that much right now (it's because the science of social skills is one of my special interests).
Autistic people have bottom up processing. So when an autistic person gets into software engineering, it's likely that they have a "first principle" style of thinking.
Many neurotypicals I see don't have that as their default processing mode. They can do it, but it's not their default.
So what you get is something that you can see with blind people as well: they get better at hearing because they spend much more time with it compared to people that can see (except for musicians, etc.).
Autistic software engineers spend a lot more time with bottom up style thinking (aka being detailed).
I'm on the spectrum too, mostly a non-stereotypical representation.
20% to 30% of autistic people seem to have perfect pitch [1, 2].
Not all perfect pitch people have autism. On average neurotypical perfect pitch people do score higher on the AQ (19) than neurotypicals (12), but much lower than high functioning autistic people (35) [3].
I'm one of them, definitely high functioning autism + perfect pitch here. Got diagnosed in my mid thirties for sleep difficulties, no social difficulties in my case (except for as a kid).
First of all, that's how you see it. That's how I see it. But what about someone else?
This comment is going to be a bit rough as I'm going to play act a lot to really drive my point home.
I remember talking to my carpenter friend. He told me he voted for someone like Trump in my country. I asked him why.
My issue with the local politician where I'm from is that he puts all Islamic people into one bucket: the stupid one. I think that's crazy and unfair. He does it with more things. I think his policies are stupid whenever I hear them.
My carpenter friend and I go way back. We met each other when I was 7 and he was 9. He was part of a dizygotic twin. We haven't spoken to each other in 4 years and just vaguely kept in touch.
When he told me that he voted on that bullshit person of a politician, I asked why and he's like: "he's charismatic!"
The thing is. I know this carpenter friend. He might be a lot older but I know him emotionally. He hasn't changed a bit, he just got more mature. But underneath, whenever I see someone from my elementary school, I still see the same child. I also think they still see me that way, that's the impression I get.
The charisma doesn't come as much from that our crazy local politician is actually charismatic. It comes more from the fact that - if I had to guess - from his perspective: politics is boring as hell. It's crazy boring! Why bother! Yea, yea, right to vote. Fine. Fine. He'll vote. Fine.
But if he'll vote. Why not have some fun? Why not vote for someone that wants to throw a bit of a ruckus eh? Why not vote for someone that talks in a way that he talks, that thinks in a way he thinks, that cares about his issues. What are these Islamic people doing here anyway? It's uncomfortable (note: I think this is dumb as hell, I'm just paining a picture - Islamic people should feel comfortable where I live because in my view they are the same nationality as I am).
So in my carpenter's friend mind, this local politician has some charisma. Does he have the best charisma? Don't know but definitely some.
What do other politicians sound like? Nuance 1, nuance 2, policy x, policy y, blah, blah, blah, BORING!
I wish it wasn't as childish as this but I know my friend. It is. He just wants to go to his carpenting job, make something beautiful, be with his wife and kids and call it a day. Thinking for him, like thinking deeply. That's painful. He can do it, but he sure as hell doesn't like it. He likes to do things with his hands.
When I emotionally understood I was shocked. I live in a village close to a big city. I know this village, I grew up here. I'm the odd one out, the intellectual. But I know how "these people from the village think". And my carpenter friend is a very average person in it. So suddenly I realized, this is how many people in my village think.
My suspicion is that something similar happens with Trump. However, with some differences such as: he's a business man! He tells it like it is! We don't take no shit from some ippity uppity democrats! Why should we?! Don't tell me what to do! I will do what I want to do! And all these immigrants are taking our jobs! That's not okay! Trump tells the truth.
Again, I think, that such type of thinking is the dumbest thing ever. Nor do I think that every Trump supporter thinks like this. But there are Americans that think like my carpenter friend. And my suspicion is that they think like this. From that perspective, it's clear to see why Trump has charisma. Because (1) he talks at their level, (2) he talks about their issues and (3) he's a successful business man.
I know we can both make arguments that (1), (2) and (3) aren't true. But dude, remember, for them, thinking is fucking painful.
I'm sure there are more archetypes/personalities that have backgrounds and contexts as to why they find Trump charismatic.
A small word of warning: I'm speaking with brutal honesty, extreme language is used (unfortunately I have to, it's the truth). Throwaway for obvious reasons. I tweaked the parameters a bit, it's representative of my case but not my actual case.
I'm going for a CR-1 visa. I married the love of my life a month ago. We knew each other for a year when we married. I thought it'd be fine but I gave it some more thought and I'm a bit worried.
My worries:
* I had suicidal ideation and did visits to a psychiatry center once per week for a month until I was fine enough according to them. I have never physically hurted myself. I never planned it. My issue was that I felt a strong urge to plan it, and I didn't want to cave in which I didn't thanks to the psychiatry center. In retrospect, I realized I was in a really toxic relationship, once that was gone there was no suicidal ideation left.
* I do have an autism diagnosis that I got a few months ago at the age of 36.
* My employment history is checkered. My last employment was almost 2 years and then the tech layoffs hit, so outside of my control (second round of layoffs too).
Good things:
* My education is top notch with high marks, I even published a paper
* No criminal record
* 50000$ in the bank
* Coming from Sweden
* My wife has a stable job for 4 years, no criminal record, university educated, etc. (I don't think there are any issues there)
Will the suicidal ideation episode, autism diagnosis and checkered employment history be an issue for the CR-1 visa when I get my medical?
Getting strong pickup artist vibes here. I needed that sort of knowledge too. Married nowadays, would've been single forever probably if I wouldn't have gone through that phase.
It makes sense that you break social interactions down like this. This type of thinking flows from pickup.
It also puts into context that you said stuff like "you know you're a slut" (which you don't remember doing but you mentioned having done similar enough things). It seems you mixed pickup with work. I was a high schooler when I learned it and did it solely outside of high school. So I wouldn't run into these things.