Do you have something that you can show us? Unfortunately, I won't be able to help you with a jobsearch, but I'm interested in what you have achieved in 2 years.
Well, I let it get so far out of hand that my only solution appeared to be suicide. Luckily that attempt failed and I received the help I long since needed. That, together with knowing the next drink will probably kill me, is a great motivator to stay sober!
This is not a joke or an exaggeration, but I also realize its of not much help to most people. What I can say is that in every self-help group I've been to there is a history of family instability found in every single one of the participants. It affects people more than they think and it's a good idea to read up on it. Even if you think your childhood was stellar - when you're faced with irrational behavior you can't seem to stop, there is a reason for that. And that reason is usually found in the formative years of your life.
Especially western middle-class 'perfect childhoods' are plagued with invisible emotional neglect and unhealthy boundaries between children and parents. We just don't see it as such because it's the norm.
If I had to pick one thing out of all the things in the universe that is never too late to start a career in, I would pick writing.
When Günter Grass (famous German author) was asked for advice to young writers he said something like: "Don't try to become a writer just because you want to be one. And if you absolutely must do it, don't study languages. Pick a career that forces you into contact with lots of people. A waiter in a restaurant or something. If young people start to write without knowing the world, they risk writing about their own belly button too soon." (Writing about your belly button being an expression for writing about your own selfish viewpoints and insecurities)
I'm in my mid thirties and published my first short stories last year. I'm very pleased with the result and I'm glad I didn't publish my earlier stuff. I was terribly opinionated while trying to sound enlightened and only out to prove something to myself and the world. Now I have the maturity to be more expressive and it shows in the feedback I get. (Always express, never impress they say.)
Now I'm putting off my first novel to learn about computers, because I feel like having a good job is a more pressing issue right now than artistic expression.
And I'm absolutely positive that it won't be too late for my novel when I'm 40.
Oh, wow! I didn't know that. I've listened to him for hours and hours.
The thing with alcohol (and most psychoactive drugs) is it literally changes the brain - and by that the person. The young person that says: "I would never let it get this far!" is basically right when it says that. But prolonged use of the drug changes that person. And that new person definitely will let it get this far, because it sees new justifications for doing so.
I know from experience unfortunately.
I don't think sober Alan Watts would approve of severe alcoholism as something 'no better or worse' than any other activity to spend your day. But I can clearly see a drinking Alan Watts run circles around anybody arguing the same thing.
Tbh I didn't exactly forget the title but I don't know in which one of the books I read it.
It could be either:
CPTSD - From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker //
Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb //
Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Bowden (and colleagues) //
Though now that I'm trying hard to remember which one it could have been I'm not even certain it really was one of those. Maybe it was more of an aggregated insight that I gathered from studying the subject. Either way those books can shed a lot of light on unexplainable mental blocks we have.
It's certainly in Pressfields book. He calls it 'resistance' and swears its at its strongest when you're near the finish line. That's a good observation but he doesn't go into why that could be. Those other books offer explanations to connect the dots. At least for me.
Could be a psychological thing: Fear of success or fear of rejection/failure.
When you finish something you will probably show it to the world. So now that world will judge your talent/abilities and maybe you don't feel ready for it.
Apparently it's a common thing. I think Pressfield wrote about it in the War of Art. And it was in another book about childhood trauma I read recently, though I can't remember the title.
I could be way off. Just saying it's a possibility.
Did you focus on it full-time or besides work?