Ask HN: How do you meet strangers?
Steven Covey believes the way to win friends and influence people is to ask them questions and get them to talk about them selves. I feel that questions are prying and that conversations should develop organically. Because I don't like to be interrogated, i never ask questions but get all the information I need to make a genuine connection. what do you think?
13 comments
I think you may be taking the advice of asking questions to literally if you're associating the term interrogate with it. Any conversation is a series of statements to solicit responses. This can be direct questions but it can also be thought provoking statements. Generally you'll start with a question and go from there. Everything you say should evoke or invite a response. If it doesn't the conversation ends.
You don't say the purpose of meeting the strangers but in a general sense I do it by placing myself in situations of shared similar interests. Doing this means that questions feel less like an interrogation because everyone is there for a similar purpose.
You don't say the purpose of meeting the strangers but in a general sense I do it by placing myself in situations of shared similar interests. Doing this means that questions feel less like an interrogation because everyone is there for a similar purpose.
Visit a seniors home and just ask residents what they do for fun. Then, just ask questions or do things with them if they want you to. Visit. They get extremely lonely, and you get to learn from their life experiences. Also, you can learn to get more comfortable while you’re at it
I always like to ask: "so, what do you do... For fun". Talking to someone about their hobbies is, I find, disarming. Doesn't get you as much information as talking shop, but builds the connection.
I like your suggestion. It's almost like a punch-line to add the "For FUN" at the end after a two beat pause. I bet you get some chuckles too.
Asking questions of strangers used to be the height of rudeness (200 years ago). I think it was Americans who pioneered the impudent query in conversation. They got castigated for it in writing of that era anyway.
I've tried leaving out the questions. Observations work about as well. "This meeting is certainly lasting a long time", "I've never met so-and-so...", "What a nice venue for a get-together!" and so on. I can certainly see how conversations could work without constantly prompting your partner for content.
I've tried leaving out the questions. Observations work about as well. "This meeting is certainly lasting a long time", "I've never met so-and-so...", "What a nice venue for a get-together!" and so on. I can certainly see how conversations could work without constantly prompting your partner for content.
I get others to talk to me. I love tech, and I'm usually not social if I don't have to.
So I create events where others talk. That puts people that like the same subject in the same room. That also gives someone for people to talk about. Even better, that gets others to come and talk to me without having me to go to them .
That's why I love organizing Meetups. :).
That's why I love organizing Meetups. :).
Asking questions gives the opportunity to regain the organic flow of conversation. If done genuinely, with actual curiosity, it's easy to appreciate the slight awkwardness as a helpful nudge to continued connection.
I stick out my hand and say "Hi I'm James."
If it's someone I've anticipated meeting, I might do the same but with more than just casual enthusiasm.
This is really just the tip of the iceberg :)
If it's someone I've anticipated meeting, I might do the same but with more than just casual enthusiasm.
This is really just the tip of the iceberg :)
Usually watching/talking [tackle] football at the local pub. It's a light hearted and can lead to bigger topics.
A solid look directly in their eyes. Pauseing to build some tension..
“What’s your favorite color?”
“What’s your favorite color?”
male or female? do you have different strategies for different sexes?
NO! Approach everybody as a fellow human! Compliments on simple things are always a good ice-breaker. Can easily lead to a question to continue any conversation.