Ask HN: What utility function are you maximizing in your life?
I’ve had a lot of trouble thinking deeply what I’m looking for in my life. I try to be very rigorous on most topics but on this one I can’t seem to find a logical conclusion or even a consistent one. Sometimes I’m optimizing for my happiness in the moment, other times I sacrifice instantaneous pleasure for long-term happiness (or so I think). Is there any conclusion/function that describes what you optimize for with your decisions?
Would love what other HNers who have thought about this have concluded.
26 comments
Mine is with God. If you actually believe in an all-powerful higher being, it's strange to not leverage on that.
I believe all wealth, knowledge, and safety comes from God, and the rest of the world is just the medium for it. So I try to not focus too much on financial planning, interview skills, trying to extract as much as possible from a job/client, or things like negotiation. I think these things will come; just focus on producing as much value as possible in this world.
I also try to avoid luxury and bragging. It's tempting for some to flex what they can offer, or enjoy what they earned. I'm reminded of the early Caliphs, who would turn down gifts from other sovereigns and take as little salary as possible, and donated all they had, because they didn't want to be held accountable for abusing their leadership role.
It sounds like a tough, monastic life, but maybe it's just a culture not many grow up in.
What if you could be happier on as little as possible, and feel secure? What if you didn't have to impress anyone? What if someone similar can be more successful, and you could sincerely feel happy for them? What if you could just go out there and help a complete stranger, and never ask for anything in return? Or just give away all your savings, because you can expect God to bring you more?
I'm not sure if happiness is the word for it, but there is a sense of peace and comfort.
I believe all wealth, knowledge, and safety comes from God, and the rest of the world is just the medium for it. So I try to not focus too much on financial planning, interview skills, trying to extract as much as possible from a job/client, or things like negotiation. I think these things will come; just focus on producing as much value as possible in this world.
I also try to avoid luxury and bragging. It's tempting for some to flex what they can offer, or enjoy what they earned. I'm reminded of the early Caliphs, who would turn down gifts from other sovereigns and take as little salary as possible, and donated all they had, because they didn't want to be held accountable for abusing their leadership role.
It sounds like a tough, monastic life, but maybe it's just a culture not many grow up in.
What if you could be happier on as little as possible, and feel secure? What if you didn't have to impress anyone? What if someone similar can be more successful, and you could sincerely feel happy for them? What if you could just go out there and help a complete stranger, and never ask for anything in return? Or just give away all your savings, because you can expect God to bring you more?
I'm not sure if happiness is the word for it, but there is a sense of peace and comfort.
As much good time with people I love.
After thinking long and hard about this very question a few years ago, this is the utility function I decided on.
Good time - this isn't just about fun and games. This is about making time and being present for the most banal moments. People I love - that includes family, and friends, and also me. This means that if an activity is making me feel alive, I will do it, even if other payoffs may be elusive to nonexistent.
This segues nicely into people I don't know, because I think one form of care is teaching others what you know. So I spend a fair bit of time writing stuff I don't have to write, with no other personal benefit to me other than maybe helping other people get to that endpoint a bit faster. (I might gain some residual benefit as being perceived as a domain expert, but you could achieve that with zero-calorie social media posts as well, instead of investing all this time writing articles).
Like any utility function, this one comes with costs. For one, I'm probably not maximizing my earnings potential, and I often have to remind myself that making more isn't a value in its own right.
For sure, I don't always live up to my lofty goals. All the same, I find a succinct utility function helps serve as a compass for a lot of the decisions on how to spend time.
After thinking long and hard about this very question a few years ago, this is the utility function I decided on.
Good time - this isn't just about fun and games. This is about making time and being present for the most banal moments. People I love - that includes family, and friends, and also me. This means that if an activity is making me feel alive, I will do it, even if other payoffs may be elusive to nonexistent.
This segues nicely into people I don't know, because I think one form of care is teaching others what you know. So I spend a fair bit of time writing stuff I don't have to write, with no other personal benefit to me other than maybe helping other people get to that endpoint a bit faster. (I might gain some residual benefit as being perceived as a domain expert, but you could achieve that with zero-calorie social media posts as well, instead of investing all this time writing articles).
Like any utility function, this one comes with costs. For one, I'm probably not maximizing my earnings potential, and I often have to remind myself that making more isn't a value in its own right.
For sure, I don't always live up to my lofty goals. All the same, I find a succinct utility function helps serve as a compass for a lot of the decisions on how to spend time.
After much reflection recently, I fully agree with this. All that really matters in this world is the people close to you and how you affect their lives - how they remember you, how you color their day, all the stories you write together...
Least future regret.
That is, when faced with a consequentional decision, I ask myself, "ten years from now, how much will I regret [not] doing this?"
I find this helps roll up a healthy combination of long-term thinking and YOLO-ness into a single easy metric. YMMV.
Example: I'm an introvert in my mid 30s. Lately I've been taking many more opportunities to bond with and make friends which I wouldn't have done for various reasons in the past. This is because I predict if I don't, I will sorely regret these missed opportunities in my 40s, when friendship is more scarce; this currently outweighs my predicted regret for the default alternative (spending that time focusing on career/family/personal projects).
YMMV.
That is, when faced with a consequentional decision, I ask myself, "ten years from now, how much will I regret [not] doing this?"
I find this helps roll up a healthy combination of long-term thinking and YOLO-ness into a single easy metric. YMMV.
Example: I'm an introvert in my mid 30s. Lately I've been taking many more opportunities to bond with and make friends which I wouldn't have done for various reasons in the past. This is because I predict if I don't, I will sorely regret these missed opportunities in my 40s, when friendship is more scarce; this currently outweighs my predicted regret for the default alternative (spending that time focusing on career/family/personal projects).
YMMV.
I had employed that utility function, until I realized that I have no regrets over any of my past actions, even dumb ones. The past is the past.
I'm not sure when I adopted this mentality. Perhaps after the death of my mother.
Minimizing regret makes no sense, unless you know that regret will consume your thoughts when older. I'm nearing 40 and I'm already at the point where I can't do many of the things I took for granted (e.g., find a romantic partner easily, feel energized enough to be with friends, have heaps of time to be with my dad), but I don't find myself saying "gosh, I wish I had done this and that back then when I could." Even with my mother. There are some things I wish I could have said. But those thoughts don't consume me. It seems pointless to dwell on the past. Instead, I cherish it like a treasure. Like an old hard drive. I don't wish any sequence of bits was any different. It is what it is.
I did the thing that I considered right at the time, and while I can see that many of my decisions were incredibly stupid, I don't regret them one bit.
I find myself needing a better utility function these days to guide my life, but I haven't found it yet. Suggestions welcome.
I'm not sure when I adopted this mentality. Perhaps after the death of my mother.
Minimizing regret makes no sense, unless you know that regret will consume your thoughts when older. I'm nearing 40 and I'm already at the point where I can't do many of the things I took for granted (e.g., find a romantic partner easily, feel energized enough to be with friends, have heaps of time to be with my dad), but I don't find myself saying "gosh, I wish I had done this and that back then when I could." Even with my mother. There are some things I wish I could have said. But those thoughts don't consume me. It seems pointless to dwell on the past. Instead, I cherish it like a treasure. Like an old hard drive. I don't wish any sequence of bits was any different. It is what it is.
I did the thing that I considered right at the time, and while I can see that many of my decisions were incredibly stupid, I don't regret them one bit.
I find myself needing a better utility function these days to guide my life, but I haven't found it yet. Suggestions welcome.
Jeff Bezos famously promotes this idea. It’s a good complement to the Steve Jobs quote about waking up, looking at yourself in the mirror, and checking if you’re excited about what you’ll be doing that day. If not, it’s time for a change.
Another way of putting this is that nobody is on their death bed wishing they did less.
Another way of putting this is that nobody is on their death bed wishing they did less.
Thanks for sharing! Sounds very similar to Bezos' mentality.
Vacation Time.
I spent several years in my late twenties and early thirties working to increase my bill rate and shorten the length of contracts that I took. The plan was to eventually be that guy from the engineering joke who rocks up for an afternoon at your plant, draws a red X on the side of your boiler, and delivers a $30,000 bill. [1]
I got to the point where I was travelling the world for most of the year every year and doing the occasional 3 month contracting gig, before figuring out that SaaS is a better long term way to get where I wanted to be.
I’ve written a bit about it here:
https://expatsoftware.com/articles/guy-on-the-beach-with-a-l...
Edit to add: [1] I actually met that guy once, on a beach in Nicaragua. His “job” was to remain within a few hours of an international airport. Because he was a pipe fitter qualified to fix the fiddly bits oin a nuclear power plant, so if they ever needed a guy to do The Thing they’d better have one on call.
I spent several years in my late twenties and early thirties working to increase my bill rate and shorten the length of contracts that I took. The plan was to eventually be that guy from the engineering joke who rocks up for an afternoon at your plant, draws a red X on the side of your boiler, and delivers a $30,000 bill. [1]
I got to the point where I was travelling the world for most of the year every year and doing the occasional 3 month contracting gig, before figuring out that SaaS is a better long term way to get where I wanted to be.
I’ve written a bit about it here:
https://expatsoftware.com/articles/guy-on-the-beach-with-a-l...
Edit to add: [1] I actually met that guy once, on a beach in Nicaragua. His “job” was to remain within a few hours of an international airport. Because he was a pipe fitter qualified to fix the fiddly bits oin a nuclear power plant, so if they ever needed a guy to do The Thing they’d better have one on call.
I find myself exactly where you were in your early thirties, hoping to get where you are now.
what laptop is that in the pics?
X60, the last of the 4:3 12" Thinkpads, complete with a real Ins/Del/Home/End/PgUp/PgDn block.
They're cheap as cheap on eBay, accept 2TB SSD and (sadly only) 4GB memory, and run crazy fast as a Windows 7 dev machine for the road.
I've had 3 of them, and will likely buy a couple more before they become too scarce.
They're cheap as cheap on eBay, accept 2TB SSD and (sadly only) 4GB memory, and run crazy fast as a Windows 7 dev machine for the road.
I've had 3 of them, and will likely buy a couple more before they become too scarce.
It looks like one used in hacking related movies.
Death-bed regret.
I keep finding surprising consequences of such utility function: balancing daily energy, resting, active work towards higher purpose, enjoying time with friends, calling my parents, helping others, resolving relationship conflicts structurally, long-term investing and financial stability, more courage in general.
I keep finding surprising consequences of such utility function: balancing daily energy, resting, active work towards higher purpose, enjoying time with friends, calling my parents, helping others, resolving relationship conflicts structurally, long-term investing and financial stability, more courage in general.
If you die instantaneously, your death-bed regret is 0, right?
Yes, but I optimize death-bed regret at this point, when I am alive. Let's say I regret how I behaved to a certain person in the past. When I wholeheartedly apologize and truly regret it, I see the death-bed regret be lower for all days afterwards.
It's like via-negativa for hapinnes [1]: being more happy by removing things that makes me unhappy.
[1] Nassim Taleb - Antifragile
It's like via-negativa for hapinnes [1]: being more happy by removing things that makes me unhappy.
[1] Nassim Taleb - Antifragile
Even if you don't, it will probably not exist. Say, god forbid, you get diagnosed with cancer. Your energy will likely be spent on fighting it, or if terminal, likely in enjoying the last days of your life without pain or finding meaning. Personally, I wouldn't dwell on the things I should have don't but didn't. That would be a waste of precious life.
I try new projects constantly which may be for pure personal growth or trying to make some extra money. So far tried youtube channel, blog, photography, music making, video making and such.
Few broke even but I am never short of topics to talk about. I always get intrigued by the process in all my projects, this way learning is less frustrating.
The flow of new projects keeps my inner fire burning and I really like learning and getting interested in new topics.
All of this are on the sides of my primary software career
Few broke even but I am never short of topics to talk about. I always get intrigued by the process in all my projects, this way learning is less frustrating.
The flow of new projects keeps my inner fire burning and I really like learning and getting interested in new topics.
All of this are on the sides of my primary software career
Mostly long-term happiness. Sometimes I do things that make me happy in the moment (pop and cheez-its), and are negative long-term, but mostly I work/play toward the long-term positive gain. I don't try to take the most optimal path towards a goal if I think the path will be too negatively draining. It's important to have fun along the way. The journey is long, and the destination fleeting so it's important to have fun.
It sounds difficult to aim directly for long-term happiness. I find that short term happiness (as long as it's not vices) are the best path to long term happiness.
Free time, salary (from dev job only) and improving my skills. The goals right now are money and time to spend on holidays, hobbies, and hobby business. In the future when I have children, swap out hobbies for children (I live in the UK where it's cheaper to be a stay-at-home parent if you earn less than £ 22k).
I should probably not be cited as an example, but most of the time I tend to minimize annoyances and conflicts. I am pretty bad at handling them, so I avoid them. This leaves much free time and especially free brain time for family and personal learning goals.
Time. The more time i have control over the less i can blame others for my misfortunes.
I wouldn't fret over happiness etc. these are all neurochemicals and people that game them consistently arent universally acknowledged as leading a better life
I wouldn't fret over happiness etc. these are all neurochemicals and people that game them consistently arent universally acknowledged as leading a better life
Time spent with kids.
Time spent with family and friends.
Time spent teaching kids skills that I have (math).
Learning Technical and life skills.
Making society better.
-- in that order.Naps taken per Saturday