Ask HN: What to suggest as "HN for not-geeks"?
5 comments
I struggle with that too, minus the spending aspect.
Get your girl a solid set of ad- blocking tools, including alternative apps without the ads or simply the mobile websites. Set up pihole, an ad blocking DNS, that sort of thing.
Try RSS. Feedly is good for this. Try old.reddit.com, after removing all the nasty subreddits from r/all. Try newsletters.
Filter emails, unsubscribe from newsletters, turn off notifications. Basically, pay attention to the triggers and shut them down. She will still seek cheap dopamine, but it won't be laced with ads. Nothing will reach for her attention unless she asks for it.
I described the exact steps I've used to fight that problem here: https://nicolasbouliane.com/blog/silence - it's an ongoing process. Reading your post makes me realize that I've made a ton of progress.
Get your girl a solid set of ad- blocking tools, including alternative apps without the ads or simply the mobile websites. Set up pihole, an ad blocking DNS, that sort of thing.
Try RSS. Feedly is good for this. Try old.reddit.com, after removing all the nasty subreddits from r/all. Try newsletters.
Filter emails, unsubscribe from newsletters, turn off notifications. Basically, pay attention to the triggers and shut them down. She will still seek cheap dopamine, but it won't be laced with ads. Nothing will reach for her attention unless she asks for it.
I described the exact steps I've used to fight that problem here: https://nicolasbouliane.com/blog/silence - it's an ongoing process. Reading your post makes me realize that I've made a ton of progress.
i'd advice to look into productive/relaxing/interesting subreddits
specifically:
r/HumansBeingBros!
r/productivity!
r/confession
r/lifehacks
it's possible to self-medicate your ADHD with things like coffee, energy drinks, and anything else that'll produce a dopamine response.
To put it another way, sometimes I manage my ADHD by hyperfocusing on something superficial, and letting it consume all my extra attention while I actually pay attention to what I want, which is usually someone talking.
An example of this is a fidget spinner. though I don't have anything like that, I just have some sort of object-- a screw, a AA battery, a paperclip, in my hand that I'll seem to be focused on. Without it, its a lot harder to focus on whos talking. I assure you, I'm not really paying attention to whatever the object is. But by doing so, it lets me herd myself and focus myself.
I also take meds to help, but not all meds work the same for people.
I'd advise to let your partner get their rounds of dopamine by whatever methods they want so long as it isn't self-destructive.
ADHD above all else is an impulsivity issue. From wetting the bed at a young age to impulse buying as an adult, decisions are made quicker than we sometimes want.
Maybe direct that decision-making to more constructive things. Your partner probably excels at these quick decisions, find a way to channel them and everyone can be happier.
ADHD isnt a walk in the park, and it impacts relationships significantly. There's a lot of common elements though and armed with knowledge the whole thing can be a lot easier to work with. To the non-adhd partner, it can be beyond maddening. I suggest addressing that issue directly, and this site has some good info about it.
https://chadd.org/attention-article/dont-give-up-dont-give-i...
Oh yeah, big common thing is how painful it can be to detach from something you have become focused on. the reason it's painful is more PTSD-- with a lifetime of distractions that led down the road of "I forgot to do it" we hold on to what we're focused on tighter... and tighter. interruption can produce explosive reactions. It's all about the fear of not being able to resume the thought. Not even remembering that you need to resume it, or if you want to, you just can't.
To the non-adhd, it would be like someone walking up to you while you're reading a book and just pulling the book out of your hands and shutting it. Before you got to see what page you were on. So the trick.. is to learn how to mark that page, before setting it down to see what your partner wants to talk about. That's a life skill right there, it is not an overnight thing.
good luck and I hope things get easier
To put it another way, sometimes I manage my ADHD by hyperfocusing on something superficial, and letting it consume all my extra attention while I actually pay attention to what I want, which is usually someone talking.
An example of this is a fidget spinner. though I don't have anything like that, I just have some sort of object-- a screw, a AA battery, a paperclip, in my hand that I'll seem to be focused on. Without it, its a lot harder to focus on whos talking. I assure you, I'm not really paying attention to whatever the object is. But by doing so, it lets me herd myself and focus myself.
I also take meds to help, but not all meds work the same for people.
I'd advise to let your partner get their rounds of dopamine by whatever methods they want so long as it isn't self-destructive.
ADHD above all else is an impulsivity issue. From wetting the bed at a young age to impulse buying as an adult, decisions are made quicker than we sometimes want.
Maybe direct that decision-making to more constructive things. Your partner probably excels at these quick decisions, find a way to channel them and everyone can be happier.
ADHD isnt a walk in the park, and it impacts relationships significantly. There's a lot of common elements though and armed with knowledge the whole thing can be a lot easier to work with. To the non-adhd partner, it can be beyond maddening. I suggest addressing that issue directly, and this site has some good info about it.
https://chadd.org/attention-article/dont-give-up-dont-give-i...
Oh yeah, big common thing is how painful it can be to detach from something you have become focused on. the reason it's painful is more PTSD-- with a lifetime of distractions that led down the road of "I forgot to do it" we hold on to what we're focused on tighter... and tighter. interruption can produce explosive reactions. It's all about the fear of not being able to resume the thought. Not even remembering that you need to resume it, or if you want to, you just can't.
To the non-adhd, it would be like someone walking up to you while you're reading a book and just pulling the book out of your hands and shutting it. Before you got to see what page you were on. So the trick.. is to learn how to mark that page, before setting it down to see what your partner wants to talk about. That's a life skill right there, it is not an overnight thing.
good luck and I hope things get easier
Looking over the shoulder of family members using Instagram and youtube it's amazing how many ads are presented. I used Twitter on holiday without my usual adblocker and the feed was full of ads. It's probably impossible to filter native ads in apps on mobile but maybe the pihole proxy is already a step in the right direction.
The unfiltered web is just insane nowadays. I don't know how people handle it. I've become completely intolerant to all advertising.
It unfortunately seeps through the content now, but eh what can you do?
It unfortunately seeps through the content now, but eh what can you do?
Any suggestion to reduce phone usage gets automatically bounced, so I'd like to steer her to something a bit more productive at least. She is not a geek, so HN is out of the question, but giving she refreshes the news so often, there is a decent chance to hook her on to something similar, on non-geek topics maybe?
Ideally she'd use that time to actually make some money, but I'd settle for not spending money she doesn't have.