Share Your Experience: How You Found Accepting Friends Beyond Achievement
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Religious groups, volunteer organizations, charities, clubs in college, extracurriculars in high school, the military, van life, swingers clubs, outdoorsmanship clubs, working at renaissance festivals, clubs for specific sports like skydiving or fishing (not gyms, gyms are for working out with people you already know well), private events in intimate settings where you are introduced to an existing friend's other friend group, and your extended family are all places you can find people to have these kinds of social relationships with. People tend to cluster around activities they enjoy where they can interact with other people who at least have enough in common with them to enjoy the same activities. They are more open here than anywhere else in the modern world to forming new social bonds.
Better places would be if you were raised in an insular high-trust community or if you were trapped in a traumatic environment with them such as a siege from which you ultimately collectively escape by working together. These are not reproducible.
You might need to work on becoming more sociable if these sorts of places aren't working out for you.
That sucks that the people you work with only care about your credentials, though.
Better places would be if you were raised in an insular high-trust community or if you were trapped in a traumatic environment with them such as a siege from which you ultimately collectively escape by working together. These are not reproducible.
You might need to work on becoming more sociable if these sorts of places aren't working out for you.
That sucks that the people you work with only care about your credentials, though.
I'm an old man, unfamiliar with modern culture, but back in the day we used to go to bars or taverns for this kind of socializing. Maybe it's coffeehouses now?
You're in a group where you are not accepted because you accomplished something big, but just because they like you, for being you, for being authentic, and where you just have your peers where you can go to and you just feel great.
And I'm wondering how to find that because the general advice is like, well, just go to some gym, or just go to a public place. But what they don't take into account is that in a public place, you do not communicate with people. You don't. First of all, you don't in general. So if you initiate contact, it's rather weird for them that you do because they don't know you and they are tremendously suspicious just because they don't know you, not because they have a real reason, just because they are conditioned that way.
And they are quickly asking basically, where's this leading to? What is the purpose of this conversation? When you say, well, I just want to talk a little, they say, okay, I'm not interested.
And they give you a weird look and they run away and they tell their friends, well, there was this weird guy that just wanted to communicate. What a weirdo.
So like all these suggestions, they are all about accomplishing something. So let's say for instance, you just wanted some person, not on the internet, but in real life, where you could just gossip. This basically describes it perfectly. Even though I'm not interested in gossiping itself, but I'm interested in being respected without having to do something for it as in have a certain degree or have written a book or any of that, but just being respected, being appreciated.
When I say something, they enjoy seeing me, they enjoy spending time with me. They just think that I'm a great person and they are respectful.
And this is just not happening. And that's the thing. It's just not happening in those places like in a gym, in my experience. And I don't think anyone has a different experience really. They are just bad places because especially a gym, especially even a FabLab or something like this, they are all places where you accomplish something.
Allegedly, they are there for communicating, for finding new friends, but go fuck yourself. You don't find new friends there. What you find is perfectionists who value you less if you are not a perfectionist yourself and you are only measured by what you accomplished.