Can You Be Shy and Still Succeed in Business?(ben.casnocha.com)
ben.casnocha.com
Can You Be Shy and Still Succeed in Business?
http://ben.casnocha.com/2008/10/can-you-be-shy.html
18 comments
I don't think it's about lack of understanding but just fear that hasn't been confronted.
A person might observe and know very well, theoretically, the social code and witness other people approaching strangers or interrupting conversations all the time. But until he has personal experience doing that himself, he's just going to fear what's going to happen to him. And rationalization and understanding is no cure to fear -- facing it for real is.
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In the delightfully hacker sense you just have to poke at different social interactions and see what happens. Eventually you'll learn that the worst that can happen is very likely a stern look or a snap comment back. You might learn too well and find yourself at the other side of the axis and come out as rude. That only means you've just shifted your problem space! Now it's a matter of bouncing back and forth on the axis until you stay in the middle in the average.
A person might observe and know very well, theoretically, the social code and witness other people approaching strangers or interrupting conversations all the time. But until he has personal experience doing that himself, he's just going to fear what's going to happen to him. And rationalization and understanding is no cure to fear -- facing it for real is.
* * *
In the delightfully hacker sense you just have to poke at different social interactions and see what happens. Eventually you'll learn that the worst that can happen is very likely a stern look or a snap comment back. You might learn too well and find yourself at the other side of the axis and come out as rude. That only means you've just shifted your problem space! Now it's a matter of bouncing back and forth on the axis until you stay in the middle in the average.
Eventually you'll learn that the worst that can happen is very likely a stern look or a snap comment back.
I'm shy. It's not a logical consideration - I often have no problems in social scenarios; I used to do some Am-Dram have given lecture-style talks, etc.. I find it's the anticipation of a situation that works as a sort of potential barrier that builds over time. If I tunnel through immediately then I'm usually fine. If the situation is further in the future then I can have weeks of torment but ultimately one just has to do the thing.
Phone calls have been a particular problem for me. I think this was due to being chastised as a child for not taking good messages. I can procrastinate for a week to make a call, but once I do it - though I get nervous and sweat and have a wobbly voice - I can just do it.
Personally I think my understanding of social situations and repercussions is above average. I don't find people boring. I work in a public facing role often leading groups of 10-20 people (adults and/or children).
I'm shy. It's not a logical consideration - I often have no problems in social scenarios; I used to do some Am-Dram have given lecture-style talks, etc.. I find it's the anticipation of a situation that works as a sort of potential barrier that builds over time. If I tunnel through immediately then I'm usually fine. If the situation is further in the future then I can have weeks of torment but ultimately one just has to do the thing.
Phone calls have been a particular problem for me. I think this was due to being chastised as a child for not taking good messages. I can procrastinate for a week to make a call, but once I do it - though I get nervous and sweat and have a wobbly voice - I can just do it.
Personally I think my understanding of social situations and repercussions is above average. I don't find people boring. I work in a public facing role often leading groups of 10-20 people (adults and/or children).
Or the other possibility... I just don't want to talk to most people? I've tried, and its usually boring?
Best advice I ever heard along these lines:
If you really think your conversation with somebody is boring, tell them so. They deserve to know, you deserve to own up to your opinion (instead of secretly feeling much more interesting) and, if nothing else, it won't be boring much longer.
If you really think your conversation with somebody is boring, tell them so. They deserve to know, you deserve to own up to your opinion (instead of secretly feeling much more interesting) and, if nothing else, it won't be boring much longer.
Most people don't want to hear the truth.
I went to a party after leaving high-school for Uni, it was our first party back together as a school group. Everyone was talking about roads (which route they took, what motorway goes to where they are). I said something along the lines of "come on guys is this all we have to talk about, fricking road numbers". It didn't win me any friends!
Sounds like Radical Honesty. I've considered it before, but never really tried to practice it. Honestly though, its not necessarily that they are boring (though sometimes they are), but often I just don't feel like talking to anyone. Talking itself can be boring, since it rarely leads to action.
agreed! also another factor is cultural barriers. e.g., an otherwise-confident Chinese person might appear super-shy in front of Americans because of his/her inability to speak English and lack of familiarity with American social customs. But in front of fellow Chinese people, he/she might be super extroverted and outspoken in Chinese.
a person who is perceived as shy may not know when it's appropriate or inappropriate to (for example) approach a stranger or interrupt a conversation, and therefore doesn't try.
no one really "knows", there's no definitive set of rules, confident people try regardless.
no one really "knows", there's no definitive set of rules, confident people try regardless.
I am very similar to the "loyal reader" from the article. However, I've noticed tangible changes in my personality the more I face uncomfortable situations. I am starting to enjoy the rush I get after doing a presentation, and I don't worry about the speech for weeks before like I used to. I actually thought I would never get better at handling social/presentation situations.
A personal enlightenment I had is that there is no magic combination of personality traits that makes you successful in business. The more business people you meet, the more you realize that everyone has ways about them that might be seen as detrimental to their success, but haven't been.
A personal enlightenment I had is that there is no magic combination of personality traits that makes you successful in business. The more business people you meet, the more you realize that everyone has ways about them that might be seen as detrimental to their success, but haven't been.
How does a fundamentally shy person succeed in business? Most people don't percieve me as shy, but I started out being introverted. I get along pretty well with people at work, and I'm fine in one-on-one situations. But I don't say much at team meetings, and still have no clue how to give effective speeches/presentations. Still can't be in group situations professionally without feeling attacks of paralyzing gut-level fear. What do you think I can do about it?
As the reply attempt to explain that's introversion. All the introverts I know, me included, have no more trouble (probably less in fact) with giving presentations, public speaking, any kind of large audience.
Also we tend to get along much better then "fine" and "OK" with people at work and other places. It's simply that all of these activities are mentally draining, whereas being alone is energizing. That's introversion.
However, low self-esteem, in fact any kind of self-esteem level is independent of shyness. There's plenty of people that are anything but shy, who are also clearly in a very bad place self-esteem wise.
And if you're in bad place emotionally and/or psychologically you should not take on entrepreneurship.
As the reply attempt to explain that's introversion. All the introverts I know, me included, have no more trouble (probably less in fact) with giving presentations, public speaking, any kind of large audience.
Also we tend to get along much better then "fine" and "OK" with people at work and other places. It's simply that all of these activities are mentally draining, whereas being alone is energizing. That's introversion.
However, low self-esteem, in fact any kind of self-esteem level is independent of shyness. There's plenty of people that are anything but shy, who are also clearly in a very bad place self-esteem wise.
And if you're in bad place emotionally and/or psychologically you should not take on entrepreneurship.
Anyone can succeed in business and opportunities are open to all. I have worked with startups for over a quarter century and successful founders come in all sizes and shapes. A particularly shy person may not make a good CEO or a good salesperson but there are all manner of roles to be filled in such startups, for extrovert and introvert (and shy person) alike.
Plus, people can outgrow shyness, often by going through hardships that cause them to mature in that area (this happened to me years ago when everybody used to laugh at the idea that I would ever be a lawyer or particularly a litigator).
And ditto with the others who say that shyness is not directly connected with self-esteem - the two may sometimes be related but shyness can be caused by many factors having nothing to do with self-esteem.
The main keys to success in business are hard work, talent, and persistence, with personality being an entirely secondary factor.
Plus, people can outgrow shyness, often by going through hardships that cause them to mature in that area (this happened to me years ago when everybody used to laugh at the idea that I would ever be a lawyer or particularly a litigator).
And ditto with the others who say that shyness is not directly connected with self-esteem - the two may sometimes be related but shyness can be caused by many factors having nothing to do with self-esteem.
The main keys to success in business are hard work, talent, and persistence, with personality being an entirely secondary factor.
"Introverted simply means you are more comfortable by yourself or with one other person."
"An introvert is often very good at relationship selling. Success in business is not always about being a visible leader - many F1000 CEOs are introverts."
Yes! This gives me hope as an introvert myself.
Personally I think shy people can change, they just need more social interaction. I was pretty shy when I was younger, so I threw myself into a people facing jobs like bar work and retail. Things changed for the better.
"An introvert is often very good at relationship selling. Success in business is not always about being a visible leader - many F1000 CEOs are introverts."
Yes! This gives me hope as an introvert myself.
Personally I think shy people can change, they just need more social interaction. I was pretty shy when I was younger, so I threw myself into a people facing jobs like bar work and retail. Things changed for the better.
if you're shy, you must have an extroverted co-founder. i always find meeting founding teams where all founders are shy an especially underwhelming experience.
I'm not sure what shyness has to do with the founders' product. If you're basing you opinion of the product on the level of extroversion of its creators, can I suggest that you're looking for the wrong thing?
At some point you need to "sell" your product, even if it's only to the sales team you're appointing or to a VC. If you can't then I warrant you'll not get the best deal for yourself and probably not enthuse others to help you produce the best product (for some value of best!) that you could.
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I disagree with this assertion. I contend that it is possible for shyness to be caused by a lack of understanding of accepted social protocols. For example, a person who is perceived as shy may not know when it's appropriate or inappropriate to (for example) approach a stranger or interrupt a conversation, and therefore doesn't try.