Hedgehogs (experts) know one big thing, while foxes (generalists) know many little things. However, foxes seem to be better at predicting the future than hedgehogs, because they constantly challenge their worldview and see their own ideas as hypotheses in need of testing. So maybe the reason why foxes are more successful forecasters is that they focus on learning, their "one big thing" strategy.
Nevertheless, I think that work defines us and it becomes our identity (e.g. Joseph the Carpenter, Bob the Builder), but at the same time there is so much more in you than just work. From what you are writing, I could identify what you don’t stand for and don’t want :-) this realization is a good starting point. However, now is the time to get curious, observe, reflect and start choosing your battles wisely, because you might wake up one day and realize that all you have been doing is wasting your time and energy on fights you didn’t actually care about that much… And this is precisely why it helps to know yourself, know your values, what you stand for, your talents and strengths, and maybe even your vision or dreams of how would you like to live in the future, and how would you like the world to look like in the future… Knowing this, I think, would allow you to focus your energy on something that is meaningful for you. Because meaning exists only in your head. So whatever we do, whatever happens in the world or the universe is meaningless per se. The meaning is interpretative. You create and give meaning to whatever you do, or whatever happens to you or in the world.
> but I want to know I'm doing something for a good purpose.
I think, you can never know in advance whether the purpose turns out to be “good” or “bad”, here is a little illustration of that :-) https://www.conures.net/stories/horse.shtml
Interesting example with 'guilt' as an emotion that may help to foster cooperation. This reminds me of an idea of evolution being treated as a thermodynamic process and 'punishment' as a crucial mechanism in the evolution of cooperation. The authors argue that "punishment acts like a magnetic field that leads to an 'alignment' between players, thus encouraging cooperation."[1]