Idk, i quite like the West, doesn’t mean that i can’t see the rule based order and the UN as instruments of American imperialism etc. People that just realize this now seem to never have bothered imho. The same politicians that can lie to you about trickle down economics and social reforms can also lie about foreign policy and good vs evil.
I feel the same way about pursuing CS instead of Physics. But at some point, a pragmatic solution had to be made. So don’t go hard on yourself for that, you probably would have felt the same way about CS too.