Did this calculation a few years back, and living in the Bay Area on one salary (possibly plus a non-engineer salary) looked financially impossible. I'd definitely recommend taking a trip out there and looking carefully at what your life would be like there. Among other things, note that living in a house there is impossible until/unless you win the IPO lottery.
Having interviewed many times in many places, and also been on the inside of the interviewing process, my opinion is that the hiring process is mostly random. That is, the outcomes are a bit better than just flipping a coin, but not very much. (Sorry.)
What can you personally do about this? Not that much. Interview a lot. Make sure you don't have some obvious off-putting behavior, etc. Just keep learning your craft. And then interview, interview, interview. The same randomness that's annoying in this case also pretty much guarantees that you'll also get offers if you take enough shots. Good luck.
Maybe in some imaginary utopia. Here in the real world, being shrill or hateful is a great way to drive people away from your point of view, regardless of its merits.
First, by displaying basic civility, we are true to our own values and set an example for those that we want to come around to our way of thinking. Consider the local library, or the post office. They don't require any ideological test. There's a basic requirement for following the minimal set of rules that allows them to function. Beyond that, they serve everyone with no other preferences at all. These are two of the greatest institutions our nation has created.
Second, Airbnb has decided to deny service to Nazis, but not to (say) those who abuse children. How does that fly? If someone scalds an infant numerous times over a period of years, apparently Airbnb is cool with it. Or at least, they're not as concerned as they are with an idiot marching around in Nazi or KKK regalia.