Ask HN: Feeling Emptiness Inside
13 comments
Your second paragraph says that you want a sense of purpose, direction, goals and desires.
I have done a lot of historical research into the search engine industry, and recently I decided to pursue something relating to it, and everything that I do now is colored by that goal.
The goal that I have in mind has very clear motivations behind it, and a point that I am fully behind. All the little things that I do in my daily life feel like they are building towards that point. It does feel good. From what you said, it sounds like you want something like this, to be aimed towards growth and life and knowledge. To be content and striving at the same time.
You say that you “have made it,” and you are correct. What exactly have you made though? In my vision you have made a sturdy stone block with a terracotta pot sitting on it. You have made the perfect mix of soil with just the right amount of gravel for good drainage. You have placed the pot in the right lighting conditions, you have formed the soil into a perfect little mound, and you have placed a seed in it. The last frost was a couple weeks ago and it is springtime.
You say that you “often think about starting from zero,” but the reality is that you currently are at zero. The life you have built so far is the terracotta pot and you are the seed. Your task is to grow, and the only difficulty now is finding out what direction the sun is in.
P.S. If you would like, I can fill you in on the obscure things that I have discovered about search engines, and what I am aiming for.
I have done a lot of historical research into the search engine industry, and recently I decided to pursue something relating to it, and everything that I do now is colored by that goal.
The goal that I have in mind has very clear motivations behind it, and a point that I am fully behind. All the little things that I do in my daily life feel like they are building towards that point. It does feel good. From what you said, it sounds like you want something like this, to be aimed towards growth and life and knowledge. To be content and striving at the same time.
You say that you “have made it,” and you are correct. What exactly have you made though? In my vision you have made a sturdy stone block with a terracotta pot sitting on it. You have made the perfect mix of soil with just the right amount of gravel for good drainage. You have placed the pot in the right lighting conditions, you have formed the soil into a perfect little mound, and you have placed a seed in it. The last frost was a couple weeks ago and it is springtime.
You say that you “often think about starting from zero,” but the reality is that you currently are at zero. The life you have built so far is the terracotta pot and you are the seed. Your task is to grow, and the only difficulty now is finding out what direction the sun is in.
P.S. If you would like, I can fill you in on the obscure things that I have discovered about search engines, and what I am aiming for.
If you ask yourself whether this could be depression, go and see immediately a doctor. There is nothing wrong with having it, there is no fault on your side, it something that just gets unbalanced in the brain's biochemistry: diagnosing it will lead to proper medication and improvements. Ignoring it can be very dangerous. I repeat, there is nothing to be ashamed of, it is an illness that can hit anybody at any moment in time. I suffer from depression and handling it has helped me incredibly. You treat it, and you win,
If it is not depression, then you also win, because you have ruled out one hypothesis.
If it is not depression, then you also win, because you have ruled out one hypothesis.
"by the books" seems like a recurring pattern for you. It feels for me like it is about time for you to acctually make your own decissions and also fail while doing so.
Social Pressure can be a bitch and a half. Its not like you are pushed to do something directly by others. It is just there.
And get help. Try to find a therapist who really(!) understands you. I think you will always "know the right answer" to say to make the therapist happy. Find someone who can actually look through it.
Social Pressure can be a bitch and a half. Its not like you are pushed to do something directly by others. It is just there.
And get help. Try to find a therapist who really(!) understands you. I think you will always "know the right answer" to say to make the therapist happy. Find someone who can actually look through it.
It sounds like you are depressed, and should figure out whether it's due to maladaptive biochemistry (see a professional) or circumstances (change the circumstances; maybe consider a therapist). Given your post, I'm leaning towards the latter.
You say you have plenty of friends, but I can't help but wonder if they're able to give you the nourishment you need. It's great you have many who care about you -- but no matter how much you go drinking or hiking together, if they can't relate to your troubles, then it can still feel quite lonely.
For me personally, art -- both creating and consuming others' -- has been uniquely helpful. You can pass your feelings to a future self, and there are surely many brilliant people from the past whose work can make you feel understood too. Yes, "this" really is all there is, but it's more manageable if you find someone who sees "this" the same way you do.
What's compelling about "starting from zero"? Maybe that's a feeling you could focus in on and, from that, figure out a goal that compels you.
Good luck. Hope you find happiness :)
You say you have plenty of friends, but I can't help but wonder if they're able to give you the nourishment you need. It's great you have many who care about you -- but no matter how much you go drinking or hiking together, if they can't relate to your troubles, then it can still feel quite lonely.
For me personally, art -- both creating and consuming others' -- has been uniquely helpful. You can pass your feelings to a future self, and there are surely many brilliant people from the past whose work can make you feel understood too. Yes, "this" really is all there is, but it's more manageable if you find someone who sees "this" the same way you do.
What's compelling about "starting from zero"? Maybe that's a feeling you could focus in on and, from that, figure out a goal that compels you.
Good luck. Hope you find happiness :)
Have you considered raising children?
Please do not listen to the people who espouse the brain chemical imbalance bullshit
I am a retired psychotherapist and have been aware that this is a line sold to us by big pharma since the late 1980's. It was all lies.
there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance in the brain. this has been disproved by loads of recent research,
It may not be depression, it may just be that you are at a crossroads in life and are looking for a new direction.
The existential emptiness could be a sense of loss and you are looking to find out who you are.
go see a therapist. have a chat, see what unfolds.
I am a retired psychotherapist and have been aware that this is a line sold to us by big pharma since the late 1980's. It was all lies.
there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance in the brain. this has been disproved by loads of recent research,
It may not be depression, it may just be that you are at a crossroads in life and are looking for a new direction.
The existential emptiness could be a sense of loss and you are looking to find out who you are.
go see a therapist. have a chat, see what unfolds.
> this has been disproved by loads of recent research
oh good, feel free to share it then
oh good, feel free to share it then
This could be depression, or simply mid life crisis, but for the past year(s) I feel empty inside. I feel no sense of purpose, no direction, no goals and no desires. Looking back at my life and career, I did everything "by the book": finished school, attended college, secured a tech job, got promoted, made more money, never took debts, and have a good savings. I moved early from my parents house, was independent, had social circle of very good friends, supportive family, found a girlfriend who became my wife. I quit jobs that I did not like, was always eager to learn and grow together with the companies I worked at.
Eventually I felt stuck, and so I followed the next steps in "the book": I took a sabbatical, went to travel, relocated to a different country, moved to a different style of tech company. Throughout my life and career I had followed all the supplementary steps of "the book": I worked with different therapists, was hitting the gym, started martial arts, was (mostly) healthy, never obese, never abused alcohol and never touched drugs. I have read all the classic books of finding meaning (stoicism, Man's search for meaning, philosophy, psychology etc). I go outside, spend time in nature, with people I love. I have by all definitions a "successful life". I have made it. I live in a very good country, I make decent money, I live below my means, have savings, and am surrounded by people I love and who love me. I'm privileged to travel and see the world, try different hobbies.
And yet, I feel empty inside. I feel dead inside. Every day is the same. The week is just an intermediary step between weekends, some of which are somewhat exciting, while most of them just pass in a blink of an eye, and the cycle repeats. Once every few months I take a bigger vacation, which ends way faster than it should, and eventually throws me into a bigger rut (post-vacation depression?).
I often think about starting from zero, but this is not realistic because of fear and because this means also breaking relationships. I think about quitting tech, but I don't know anything else, and I'm kind of dependent on my current work for my work permit. I know I'm not the only one, and I've read many people here who had similar feelings. I often ask myself "is this it? Is this what life has to offer?", and maybe it is, and I should just be grateful for what I have, but I'm not sure how to cope with the emptiness.
Any advice?