How to reduce stress and overcome anxiety as a software developer(andreizgirvaci.com)
andreizgirvaci.com
How to reduce stress and overcome anxiety as a software developer
https://andreizgirvaci.com/blog/how-to-reduce-stress-and-overcome-anxiety-as-a-software-developer
123 comments
Don’t despair, it doesn’t have to be like that. Plenty of us have been doing this for decades and are still excited for what we get to create every day.
Sounds like you need to escape your current environment.
Sounds like you need to escape your current environment.
If you‘re only 2.5 years in there‘s plenty if time to look for something else. Maybe you have a talent or skill that can get you closer to being happy
Try that with 15 or 20 years under your belt and a mortgage and a family… it‘s hard
Try that with 15 or 20 years under your belt and a mortgage and a family… it‘s hard
Is your manager or anyone else in the team harassing you?
If not, then your anxiety might come from an expectation that you must love every part of your job. Use something like pomodoro (this is simple and works: https://brainpls.work/) to do one task at a time. Once your work day is over, go do something you enjoy.
If not, then your anxiety might come from an expectation that you must love every part of your job. Use something like pomodoro (this is simple and works: https://brainpls.work/) to do one task at a time. Once your work day is over, go do something you enjoy.
>> Is your manager or anyone else in the team harassing you?
No that's not the problem.
I suffer a lot with context switching all the time, I'm responsible for many serious things that could lead the startup to a completely failure.
I'm really not sure if I have the skills for the task/challenge, etc. People like me and my job, but I'm pretty sure I don't have the skills for so much just yet, I think that is the source of all the anxiety. Plus doing/feeling it 8h/day every day kills my mind.
No that's not the problem.
I suffer a lot with context switching all the time, I'm responsible for many serious things that could lead the startup to a completely failure.
I'm really not sure if I have the skills for the task/challenge, etc. People like me and my job, but I'm pretty sure I don't have the skills for so much just yet, I think that is the source of all the anxiety. Plus doing/feeling it 8h/day every day kills my mind.
OTOH, this is how you grow. Every employee tends to rise to their level of incompetence. If you haven't yet, the following book by Gerry Weinberg may resonate with you, as it has lots of insight in this context -- "Becoming a Technical Leader: An Organic Problem-Solving Approach".
> "It identifies which leadership skills are most effective in a technical environment and why technical people have characteristic trouble in making the transition to a leadership role. For anyone who is a leader, hopes to be one, or would like to avoid being one."
> "It identifies which leadership skills are most effective in a technical environment and why technical people have characteristic trouble in making the transition to a leadership role. For anyone who is a leader, hopes to be one, or would like to avoid being one."
> I suffer a lot with context switching all the time, I'm responsible for many serious things that could lead the startup to a completely failure.
I believe I'm in a similar situation. Currently on a small startup where I do backend/frontend programming in Typescript, C, Golang and Lua across multiple different projects. I'm high on ADHD and context switching is very difficult to me, to the point where if I start a day working on a project and finish it early, I end up not switching contexts until the next day.
> I'm really not sure if I have the skills for the task/challenge, etc. People like me and my job, but I'm pretty sure I don't have the skills for so much just yet, I think that is the source of all the anxiety.
This seems a bit like imposter syndrome. When I was younger (38 now, almost 20 years working as a programmer) it bothered me when I was not working hard and I felt the need to always show myself being very productive. In time you will learn to care less about how you are perceived at work.
> Plus doing/feeling it 8h/day every day kills my mind.
Do you really code 8h/day? If so you seriously need to lower your pace as this is not sustainable. Pick one or two cognitive heavy tasks you can complete in a couple of hours and once done do light things such as answering questions on slack, writing documentation. Also take healthy pauses to read HN and other articles you find interesting (this is what I'm doing now).
Overall, try to view your job as a marathon and not as a sprint. It is fine to work hard when on a tight deadline, as long as it is the exception.
Here are other very good answers in this HN thread:
- https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35793026 - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35793147
I believe I'm in a similar situation. Currently on a small startup where I do backend/frontend programming in Typescript, C, Golang and Lua across multiple different projects. I'm high on ADHD and context switching is very difficult to me, to the point where if I start a day working on a project and finish it early, I end up not switching contexts until the next day.
> I'm really not sure if I have the skills for the task/challenge, etc. People like me and my job, but I'm pretty sure I don't have the skills for so much just yet, I think that is the source of all the anxiety.
This seems a bit like imposter syndrome. When I was younger (38 now, almost 20 years working as a programmer) it bothered me when I was not working hard and I felt the need to always show myself being very productive. In time you will learn to care less about how you are perceived at work.
> Plus doing/feeling it 8h/day every day kills my mind.
Do you really code 8h/day? If so you seriously need to lower your pace as this is not sustainable. Pick one or two cognitive heavy tasks you can complete in a couple of hours and once done do light things such as answering questions on slack, writing documentation. Also take healthy pauses to read HN and other articles you find interesting (this is what I'm doing now).
Overall, try to view your job as a marathon and not as a sprint. It is fine to work hard when on a tight deadline, as long as it is the exception.
Here are other very good answers in this HN thread:
- https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35793026 - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35793147
> I suffer a lot with context switching all the time, I'm responsible for many serious things that could lead the startup to a completely failure.
See if you can get some juniors to take on some of this. Agitate for some hiring, if you need to.
Delegating is how you move up the org chart. Which seems super-weird, like how you can just pay someone some money and then you own what they did—like, what? How does that work? Feels dirty and wrong. But, in fact, it's how everything works above the lower tiers of an organization, and at the top you really are just paying people money and then owning everything they did while you were paying them (then your job is to get someone else to pay you for that stuff—or, uh, to tell some other people to do that part for you, too).
However much it doesn't feel like it, telling others to do work isn't just work (well, "work") it's more prestigious work than actually doing stuff. A career-advancing response to having too much to pay attention to can be, I shit you not, finding other people to do it instead.
See if you can get some juniors to take on some of this. Agitate for some hiring, if you need to.
Delegating is how you move up the org chart. Which seems super-weird, like how you can just pay someone some money and then you own what they did—like, what? How does that work? Feels dirty and wrong. But, in fact, it's how everything works above the lower tiers of an organization, and at the top you really are just paying people money and then owning everything they did while you were paying them (then your job is to get someone else to pay you for that stuff—or, uh, to tell some other people to do that part for you, too).
However much it doesn't feel like it, telling others to do work isn't just work (well, "work") it's more prestigious work than actually doing stuff. A career-advancing response to having too much to pay attention to can be, I shit you not, finding other people to do it instead.
I'm on the other side of the slump you're in. Also a career switcher over 30. I stuck it out in the same job because I had a lot of other stuff to work on in life and wanted to make use of my health insurance. And over time it got better, even though I still wanted to leave often, mostly because my skill level and confidence rose and I could more easily say "no".
But honestly, take a little bit of time every week, even if it's just 1hr a week, to start looking for a new job. There are better workplaces. And if you start interviewing now as much as you can stand, you'll be ready when you get a chance to actually jump into something better.
But honestly, take a little bit of time every week, even if it's just 1hr a week, to start looking for a new job. There are better workplaces. And if you start interviewing now as much as you can stand, you'll be ready when you get a chance to actually jump into something better.
> wanted to make use of my health insurance
This is the root of a lot of emotional problems for employees in the USA.
This is the root of a lot of emotional problems for employees in the USA.
Nobody loves a job where people constantly make bad decisions(or decisions you're not involved in) and you don't feel like you're doing the right thing(when you could be).
You're morally hijacked. That's no way to live a working life.
You're morally hijacked. That's no way to live a working life.
The thing is, I just don't get it. Management treat the decisions like they don't have consequences, always getting stuck on local minima. If the plans had a vision with logical steps A --> B --> C where they would build and enhance on each other, we could make a great product. Why they seem incapable of stringing together a chain of priorities that actually make sense (synergy) I have concluded, is that they don't really use or care about the product we make. Otherwise their priorities would make more sense. They only manage to care about the balance sheet, which is good too I guess, but it does not make the greatest product...
There is a difference between leadership and management. Leaders do the right thing. Managers do the thing right.
Leaders are very rare, especially in corporate.
Leaders are very rare, especially in corporate.
One of the more surprising things I've discovered is that, across the board, top-to-bottom of the social and economic pyramid, there seems to be a lot less concentration of competence, intelligence, and sense as one moves upward, than one might think. Not none, but... very little. Shockingly little.
Obviously I don't have the details of your situation, but using terms like love or hate my job are a warning sign.
First, I would advice to stop using the love your job mental model. Instead look into the concept of "Career Capital" from So good they can't ignore you.
Second, here is another mental framework and exercise that I recommend to my mentees. Rather than thinking about job satisfaction as a line between "love" and "hate", think of it as a measure in a multidimensional space. Maybe you work with cool tech, but the commute is killing you. Maybe you have tons of fun with you colleagues, but it pays way below market.
Every day write down your mood, and what caused that mood. Maybe you are angry because of a bad interaction with your boss. Maybe you are unhappy because Tim got the new cool project again and you are stuck doing grunt work. Maybe you had fun when you went out for lunch with your team.
Once you have enough data points you can start observing patterns. I find people hardly ever completely hate every single aspect of their jobs. Most often there is a few factors driving the dissatisfaction, that paint the whole experience badly.
Then you can decide what step to take next to improve on those points. Some actions might include doing things differently in your current position, change teams or change companies (it hardly ever comes down to changing careers).
You might be thinking that this is a very long winded way of telling you to change jobs, but the self reflection step is important. I've seen people change jobs because they were unhappy, just to be unhappy in their next job. Often the reason is that they misinterpreted the reason of their unhappiness. Without that awareness they are bound to find themselves in the same situations over and over.
As a side note this isn't a replacement for help with anxiety and despair. If needed be look for professional help. Best of luck.
[1] https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/14555091...
First, I would advice to stop using the love your job mental model. Instead look into the concept of "Career Capital" from So good they can't ignore you.
Second, here is another mental framework and exercise that I recommend to my mentees. Rather than thinking about job satisfaction as a line between "love" and "hate", think of it as a measure in a multidimensional space. Maybe you work with cool tech, but the commute is killing you. Maybe you have tons of fun with you colleagues, but it pays way below market.
Every day write down your mood, and what caused that mood. Maybe you are angry because of a bad interaction with your boss. Maybe you are unhappy because Tim got the new cool project again and you are stuck doing grunt work. Maybe you had fun when you went out for lunch with your team.
Once you have enough data points you can start observing patterns. I find people hardly ever completely hate every single aspect of their jobs. Most often there is a few factors driving the dissatisfaction, that paint the whole experience badly.
Then you can decide what step to take next to improve on those points. Some actions might include doing things differently in your current position, change teams or change companies (it hardly ever comes down to changing careers).
You might be thinking that this is a very long winded way of telling you to change jobs, but the self reflection step is important. I've seen people change jobs because they were unhappy, just to be unhappy in their next job. Often the reason is that they misinterpreted the reason of their unhappiness. Without that awareness they are bound to find themselves in the same situations over and over.
As a side note this isn't a replacement for help with anxiety and despair. If needed be look for professional help. Best of luck.
[1] https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/14555091...
Verbalizing and doing so publicly is already an immense step.
You told us what you dislike but what would you personally prefer ? is it only a manager level issue or maybe there are problems in how the team works ?
You told us what you dislike but what would you personally prefer ? is it only a manager level issue or maybe there are problems in how the team works ?
[deleted]
I just got laid off (8 years into "career" or whatever) after months of my manager basically making me dread waking up, going to such lengths as to say I was refusing work when I was trying to manage the workload more sensibly and create new tickets for issues that were discovered during the sprint so that they could be dealt with when my priorities were taken care of. Some managers are garbage.
Most of us old timers have been there, done that. At some level, it never changes.
It is VERY difficult for work to provide your true meaning in life. 95% of software is personal preference. Most code will be thrown away when priorities change. Do the best you can and learn when you can. Management will always make poor decisions and are usually not interested in unfortunate truths. Work should only be what is required to gain money to pay for living.
The change has to be in you. Finding a hobby or raison dêtre makes waking up easy. Having something to look forward to is key. Once work is something to just finish changes everything. Respect your "you" time and turn off all notifications from work you can. Find something that does bring you joy and do that until it doesn't. Then search for a new thing. Too often we expect a brutal competitive job to also provide us peace and tranquility. They are best kept separated in my experience.
It is VERY difficult for work to provide your true meaning in life. 95% of software is personal preference. Most code will be thrown away when priorities change. Do the best you can and learn when you can. Management will always make poor decisions and are usually not interested in unfortunate truths. Work should only be what is required to gain money to pay for living.
The change has to be in you. Finding a hobby or raison dêtre makes waking up easy. Having something to look forward to is key. Once work is something to just finish changes everything. Respect your "you" time and turn off all notifications from work you can. Find something that does bring you joy and do that until it doesn't. Then search for a new thing. Too often we expect a brutal competitive job to also provide us peace and tranquility. They are best kept separated in my experience.
Listen to this old timer. I'm only 32, but I've recently come to this conclusion as well around my career.
You have to be willing to let a job just be a job. No more, no less. Funnily enough, you'll often hear the same advice from older folks who own their own business. Even when the business is their own, they advise finding something else outside of the work to drive you.
The important thing is to have an invigorating activity you enjoy that is an outlet and not a chore. Work will always become a chore, that's why it's called work. Find that balance and you'll likely survive in the end.
You have to be willing to let a job just be a job. No more, no less. Funnily enough, you'll often hear the same advice from older folks who own their own business. Even when the business is their own, they advise finding something else outside of the work to drive you.
The important thing is to have an invigorating activity you enjoy that is an outlet and not a chore. Work will always become a chore, that's why it's called work. Find that balance and you'll likely survive in the end.
This must be one of the best advices that I saw here!
I completely agree on letting a job just be a job. We are so much more than our work.
A phrase I was practicing a while ago was: "I am not my work, my family or my friends". I would repeat it a few times over and over. It helped me a lot to detach myself from my worries/expectations about work, friends and family.
I actually did a podcast on the exact same topic "You are not your Work, Family or Friends" that might be useful for someone: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5q1hAzjRCYkCEsLERvr1zE?si=Z...
I completely agree on letting a job just be a job. We are so much more than our work.
A phrase I was practicing a while ago was: "I am not my work, my family or my friends". I would repeat it a few times over and over. It helped me a lot to detach myself from my worries/expectations about work, friends and family.
I actually did a podcast on the exact same topic "You are not your Work, Family or Friends" that might be useful for someone: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5q1hAzjRCYkCEsLERvr1zE?si=Z...
I have to admit, at 40 a raison dêtre is still escaping from my grasp, even with family, work and hobbies.
Not sure if I'm going to find one for my whole life but whatever.
Not sure if I'm going to find one for my whole life but whatever.
Is there way to help others in your life? Either by volunteering or via your hobbies? Selflessness is very cathartic in my experience.
You have a point. I'm actually thinking about it. Helping other people is probably the only thing that made me happy throughout life. Unlike others such as gaming that only keep me happy when I was younger.
For sure .. I've also found it helps if your hobbies involve others aren't solitary .. Even playing a MMO or FPS online is quite different than being in a board game group or kayak club .. Good luck!!!
To expand on the personal preference this part can be either a blessing or a curse depending on whether or not you are in a position to be able to force decisions in the codebase. It grinds my gears having to work with nitpickers but I am currently trapped in that kind of setting at my current job. It sucks.
> ... and/or doing the right thing.
As long as it is ethical, doing the "right thing" is doing what you're paid to do. If that means, for example, ship code that you might not like or think is not perfect, that's fine. It's not your code.
Don't worry, if you're still coding at 50, you'll have learned that you are not your job. As Elsa says, Let it go.
As long as it is ethical, doing the "right thing" is doing what you're paid to do. If that means, for example, ship code that you might not like or think is not perfect, that's fine. It's not your code.
Don't worry, if you're still coding at 50, you'll have learned that you are not your job. As Elsa says, Let it go.
You definitely need a new job. All jobs have their ups and downs, but they don't need to be all downs.
i was like this once, i broke down in tears each morning on the way to work because i hated it so much. I finally quit and got a different job (still doing software dev) and everything was so much better, i swear to god, even sunlight seemed brighter and warmer.
This is why, in retrospect, I miss my days as a junior engineer.
When I was a junior, there was plenty of room to learn and screw things up without much risk. I had plenty of opportunities to write brand new software for any which purpose, and the possibility of advancement was really exciting.
The longer my career went on, the more my job became about fixing crap, fighting brittle tests, and trying to squeeze enough information out of the org so I could actually get my job done properly. Now that I'm a senior engineer making above the average income for the role, the only advancement left for me is to become a lead or staff engineer, neither of which I am at all suited for. In either case, it would be more of the same.
I'd have more to say, but I've got to hop on a pair programming call with someone. :)
When I was a junior, there was plenty of room to learn and screw things up without much risk. I had plenty of opportunities to write brand new software for any which purpose, and the possibility of advancement was really exciting.
The longer my career went on, the more my job became about fixing crap, fighting brittle tests, and trying to squeeze enough information out of the org so I could actually get my job done properly. Now that I'm a senior engineer making above the average income for the role, the only advancement left for me is to become a lead or staff engineer, neither of which I am at all suited for. In either case, it would be more of the same.
I'd have more to say, but I've got to hop on a pair programming call with someone. :)
Switch jobs if you can! It's the best way to learn and get out of the tunnel vision. (That said, too much job switching can be a red flag.)
are you me? hah :/
FWIW, I myself have to stop myself from caring as much, otherwise I get depressed and paralyzed by decision fatigue and deadlines. When someone sets an unrealistic deadline, that must their cross to bear. I like many parts of my job, the people there are good to work with, but we are a bit one dimensional and never reserve time for anything just social or fun. It was fun for a couple of years, but now I actually miss some team building fun a couple of times every year! I dont really feel anxiety Sundays, but I do worry if there is a crisis when I'm on holiday...
The sibling comment has the right of it from snarf21. Rarely does a job bring you into a state of self actualization. If it does, you're very fortunate!
I'm coming up on my second decade in the tech industry, and all I can say is you gotta find out what fills you up and do that outside of work like the others have said. I started out in the game industry thinking I had finally arrived, but quickly burned out and moved into web dev for most of my career.
I find working on pixel art, music, and tech in concert very fulfilling, but I don't think I could ever cede this to a company for marketing/support/etc. or turn it into some sort of income to pay my bills. Ultimately I set clear boundaries around work for delivering on my workload inside normal business hours and outside of that is fully my time.
I'm coming up on my second decade in the tech industry, and all I can say is you gotta find out what fills you up and do that outside of work like the others have said. I started out in the game industry thinking I had finally arrived, but quickly burned out and moved into web dev for most of my career.
I find working on pixel art, music, and tech in concert very fulfilling, but I don't think I could ever cede this to a company for marketing/support/etc. or turn it into some sort of income to pay my bills. Ultimately I set clear boundaries around work for delivering on my workload inside normal business hours and outside of that is fully my time.
I've been there. Find someone to talk to before you crash. And take a vacation if you can. Travel to a different country, experience something completely different. Also, find another job. All companies are different.
Stress is good if there's a lion praying on you and you need to take immediate action to avoid being eaten. With this constant work stress it's like there's a lion nearby all the time. It's difficult to enjoy a dinner in a nice restaurant if you're about to be eaten by a lion. The brain doesn't distinguish stress caused by deadlines from stress caused by a deadly animal who can attack at any time.
You are the most important person in your life. Don't forget that. <3
Stress is good if there's a lion praying on you and you need to take immediate action to avoid being eaten. With this constant work stress it's like there's a lion nearby all the time. It's difficult to enjoy a dinner in a nice restaurant if you're about to be eaten by a lion. The brain doesn't distinguish stress caused by deadlines from stress caused by a deadly animal who can attack at any time.
You are the most important person in your life. Don't forget that. <3
True! You are your best friend. All the answers are within you already!
Yeah, you have to be... Treat yourself as if you were your best friend. What would you tell your best friend if they were in the same situation? Then do that.
That's what a friend told me once. However in reality it's usually not that simple because it's easy to make up excuses... It's not easy to be human.
That's what a friend told me once. However in reality it's usually not that simple because it's easy to make up excuses... It's not easy to be human.
Sending you a lot of love my friend!
I would suggest to get a therapist. Don't overthink it and don't search for the best one. Just find someone to share what you are going through. Sometimes it can be even a good friend. It will help you a lot to take this rock of your chest for now. I didn't try BetterHelp, but people talk good things about it and it might actually be the fastest way to reach a therapist depending on where you live. If you can't afford a therapist, I recommended in my article to try "Woebot Chat App". It really helped me when I didn't have the money to afford a therapist!
But this of course won't just fix your situation right away. You will need to change some things in your life. Sometimes even your identity in terms of who you are and what you do daily. Maybe change your environment, cut toxic friends, etc.
It's a long way, but trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Even, if it sounds cliché!
Feel free to email me at: [email protected]. Sometimes just sharing with someone what you are going through and knowing there are people who listen can make a very big difference!
Again, sending you much love! <3
I would suggest to get a therapist. Don't overthink it and don't search for the best one. Just find someone to share what you are going through. Sometimes it can be even a good friend. It will help you a lot to take this rock of your chest for now. I didn't try BetterHelp, but people talk good things about it and it might actually be the fastest way to reach a therapist depending on where you live. If you can't afford a therapist, I recommended in my article to try "Woebot Chat App". It really helped me when I didn't have the money to afford a therapist!
But this of course won't just fix your situation right away. You will need to change some things in your life. Sometimes even your identity in terms of who you are and what you do daily. Maybe change your environment, cut toxic friends, etc.
It's a long way, but trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Even, if it sounds cliché!
Feel free to email me at: [email protected]. Sometimes just sharing with someone what you are going through and knowing there are people who listen can make a very big difference!
Again, sending you much love! <3
The mental state you describe is not at all unusual for someone working in tech. Try working in the public sector (gov't / academia / non-profit etc) . You won't get paid as much (although you might get a decent pension and other perks). There may be a certain amount of beaurocracy / other nonsense. However, chances are you get to work on interesting stuff with nice people, and since the profit motive is missing, the stress and crazy deadlines are less. You get to do things of long-term value, and deliver things for the sake of delivering them, rather than to get customers paying £/$ by time X. Flexible or even part-time working policies can be more common too. I've worked more in private sector than public, but now in public hopefully for long-term. Its certainly worth spending some time in private sector, but public sector has. a lot to offer too especially as you get older and/or have kids, etc. Good luck :)
> "Today, I am excited to announce my 4-week daily guided program, The Anxious Developer Program!"
> "You can join our waitlist now, to be the first one to know when the pre-sale begins"
Talking about FOMO anxiety then announcing a pre-sale discount to your anxiety course is a kind of a bad look.
> "You can join our waitlist now, to be the first one to know when the pre-sale begins"
Talking about FOMO anxiety then announcing a pre-sale discount to your anxiety course is a kind of a bad look.
[deleted]
you feel betrayed because he played on your emotions to promote his product ?
yet that's how most of ads/marketing works
It's much worse because it took much more time from me than an ad. Usually ads look like ads, even when they're advertorials.
I agree. There's not actually a lot of content on the linked page, and most of it is generic stuff you can find searching for "how to overcome anxiety" on any search engine. Nothing specific to being an anxious developer at all (though, I admit, I did not click any of the other blog links links yet).
Thanks for the feedback. I am curious what kind of content were you expecting if my personal story and suggestions were not enough then?
So I am curious, it seems like you didn't get any value from that article. Do you have some suggestions that might benefit others or some feedback for me? Thanks!
Who said anything about betrayal? All the more reason to hate on ads/marketing then.
I would like to get your perspective on how did I exactly play with the reader's emotions, if I just shared my personal story and just gave suggestions on how to deal with stress at work? I am mentioning my program at the end of the article, after I made sure to provide value to the reader...
Since my original post, I also included a disclaimer that people don't need to buy my program in order to overcome anxiety and what other things they can do that might help.
I hope it all makes it clearer now. Thanks for the feedback!
Since my original post, I also included a disclaimer that people don't need to buy my program in order to overcome anxiety and what other things they can do that might help.
I hope it all makes it clearer now. Thanks for the feedback!
Agree, the article had me invested in the issue of anxiety but the sales pitch at the end made the whole article a little disingenuous. But it was still a good read. I think if the sales pitch was separated into another section below, so that it doesn't seem like it is part of the article, it might've worked a little better.
It makes me wonder a little bit. Does the author want to help the reader out of his good will or is it purely for profit (and a clever way of copywriting)? or is it both?
It makes me wonder a little bit. Does the author want to help the reader out of his good will or is it purely for profit (and a clever way of copywriting)? or is it both?
Thanks for the suggestion! I believe I gave enough tools and practical tips that someone can try and apply in their daily life for free and I was doing that before with my podcast too while not charging anything. I can see your concern, but I also don't see anything wrong with offering something while charging money for it. If the suggestions in my article helps at least one person to feel a little bit better and motivated to start incorporating some changes in their life, then, I accomplished my goal and I haven't charged anyone for anything. The program is optional, I didn't mention anything about it until the end after sharing my story and what helped me. But I can see your point!
I am sorry that you didn't get any value from reading my article. I only mentioned the program at the end and it's something optional if the reader is interested in. I am not forcing anyone to buy my program and also not saying that you can only overcome anxiety if you buy my program. The heading "How to overcome anxiety?" comes with tools and practical tips that helped me on my healing journey. If you have some recommendations on what helps you with deal with stress, etc., I would love to hear it as it will probably be beneficial to others too. Thanks for the feedback!
Not to mention no disclosures on using referral links to the mindfulness app and probably elsewhere. Bad look all around.
Lol, I have am no affiliate to those apps, I just thought it will be valuable for people to get free 30 days premium instead of none. I can take out the links all together. I don't make any money from that :D :D
Apologies, if that's so then it makes sense to provide.
You have to fill up your cup before you can fill others. Perfectionists are well known to hardly ask for help and in life that's the catalyst for being able to make more time for yourself.
Say no to more things. Spend more time on finding out more about yourself. Start to understand your emotions around the constant trauma you're living through and have lived through.
You don't need to pay somebody $150 for this advice. Go pick up any well known book on stress, trauma, etc and it'll start to make sense.
Here's some to start:
- The Stress of Life
- The Body Keeps the Score
- When The Body Says No / The Myth of Normal
- The Drama of the Gifted Child
- The Courage to Be
- Awakening the Soul
You can also read ancient mythology, philosophy, or religious texts which will repeat familiar stories that help you ponder a deeper sense of purpose. There's many ways to get closer to your soul.
Say no to more things. Spend more time on finding out more about yourself. Start to understand your emotions around the constant trauma you're living through and have lived through.
You don't need to pay somebody $150 for this advice. Go pick up any well known book on stress, trauma, etc and it'll start to make sense.
Here's some to start:
- The Stress of Life
- The Body Keeps the Score
- When The Body Says No / The Myth of Normal
- The Drama of the Gifted Child
- The Courage to Be
- Awakening the Soul
You can also read ancient mythology, philosophy, or religious texts which will repeat familiar stories that help you ponder a deeper sense of purpose. There's many ways to get closer to your soul.
Seconding "The Body Keeps the Score" as a great resource. It's written in a plain, non-condescending tone and carries valuable insights about self-harming behaviour.
Depending on where one is in their journey, I thought I should mention that this is a great book, but also might not be step 1 if dealing with acute symptoms or struggling not to feel overwhelmed.
I picked up this book around the same time I started seeing a therapist for what I now understand was complex childhood trauma, and I couldn’t manage the content at the time. I dislike the term “triggered” to describe my experience, but the book was too much to handle until I had some more skills under my belt.
Coming back to it later was an enlightening experience.
By all means start reading this book. If you hit a wall, that’s an important signal and I’d consider seeing a therapist.
YMMV, etc.
I picked up this book around the same time I started seeing a therapist for what I now understand was complex childhood trauma, and I couldn’t manage the content at the time. I dislike the term “triggered” to describe my experience, but the book was too much to handle until I had some more skills under my belt.
Coming back to it later was an enlightening experience.
By all means start reading this book. If you hit a wall, that’s an important signal and I’d consider seeing a therapist.
YMMV, etc.
> You don't need to pay somebody
Your advice is good but there's nothing wrong with getting a professional to help you if you have the means. I've made more progress in the last two years with a good therapist than in twenty years of reading self-help books.
It's hard to overstate how much a good mentor/coach can improve your progress in almost every endeavor.
Your advice is good but there's nothing wrong with getting a professional to help you if you have the means. I've made more progress in the last two years with a good therapist than in twenty years of reading self-help books.
It's hard to overstate how much a good mentor/coach can improve your progress in almost every endeavor.
Sorry my snark was directed at the blog author who is self-promoting. Professional help is absolutely worth the money if you can afford it and make progress that way.
> It's hard to overstate how much a good mentor/coach can improve your progress in almost every endeavor.
Any suggestions how to find a good coach as a SWE? I have 8 YoE and was most recently a staff engineer at a small-ish startup, and the perspective that job gave me has kindled some thoughts about taking my career to the next level, but I feel like I need a little bit of guidance.
Any suggestions how to find a good coach as a SWE? I have 8 YoE and was most recently a staff engineer at a small-ish startup, and the perspective that job gave me has kindled some thoughts about taking my career to the next level, but I feel like I need a little bit of guidance.
I've interacted with a few business/life coaches over the years, and I have found that clicked perfectly for me.
To find them a combination of: - Using search engines for "life coach" or "business coach" in your area
- Find people that you respect in your industry, reach out to them over twitter/linkedin/email/whatever, clearly stating you're looking for a coach, and if there is anyone they recommend.
After you find a few, I suggest just trying them out. Book some sessions and see how it goes. I use these criteria:
- Has worked with engineers in the past.
- Is able to clearly articulate boundaries and approach in the first session
- Willingness to test and measure. Understanding and appreciating the lean startup approach essentially.
- Is solution and goal oriented. Spending weeks/months talking about the problem without attempting solutions is a waste of everybodys time.
- With you can quickly develop a shared understanding of what success looks like.
- Can build a rapport with you, and you can build the trust required for total honesty.
To find them a combination of: - Using search engines for "life coach" or "business coach" in your area
- Find people that you respect in your industry, reach out to them over twitter/linkedin/email/whatever, clearly stating you're looking for a coach, and if there is anyone they recommend.
After you find a few, I suggest just trying them out. Book some sessions and see how it goes. I use these criteria:
- Has worked with engineers in the past.
- Is able to clearly articulate boundaries and approach in the first session
- Willingness to test and measure. Understanding and appreciating the lean startup approach essentially.
- Is solution and goal oriented. Spending weeks/months talking about the problem without attempting solutions is a waste of everybodys time.
- With you can quickly develop a shared understanding of what success looks like.
- Can build a rapport with you, and you can build the trust required for total honesty.
Thank you! I appreciate your thoughtful comment.
Totally agree on the The Body Keeps the Score. It was a hard read at the time as the author described hard scenes which I would start feeling anxious just listening about them, but it was necessary for me to understand how is the trauma stored in the body and what to do with it. I totally forgot to add this book in my recommendations. It's added now. Thanks!
I agree, you don't have to pay for my program $75-$150 to overcome Anxiety. You can totally do that with a Therapist or by yourself, which in my case was a combination of both, but also I went through some anxiety programs that gave me information that the Therapist didn't gave me at the time even when working with multiple ones.
I also believe I gave enough tools and practical tips in this article that someone can try and apply in their daily without paying me anything as I am happy to share with them for Free as long as it helps even 1 person. I also was doing that with my podcast while not charging anything. But, I can see your point of view tho!
I agree, you don't have to pay for my program $75-$150 to overcome Anxiety. You can totally do that with a Therapist or by yourself, which in my case was a combination of both, but also I went through some anxiety programs that gave me information that the Therapist didn't gave me at the time even when working with multiple ones.
I also believe I gave enough tools and practical tips in this article that someone can try and apply in their daily without paying me anything as I am happy to share with them for Free as long as it helps even 1 person. I also was doing that with my podcast while not charging anything. But, I can see your point of view tho!
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I also, included a disclaimer that people don't need to buy my program in order to overcome anxiety. I assumed it was clear in the article, but I guess not, so I added that too. Hope it helps :)
Stress generally comes from being or feeling powerless to change your state of being. It's the negative feedback your mind gives you in an attempt to spur you to regain control. There are two ways you can overcome it: gain control or relinquish the desire for control. You just don't want to be in the middle, craving more control but having none. This is the position most employees find themselves in, unhappy but trapped and in need of a paycheck.
Awesome.
In my case I took the second option. When I was younger I used to get stressed about not being able to implement what I thought was best in terms of code/design.
Now I just do what I'm told (at a very moderate pace) and focus my energy on my hobbies and family.
In my case I took the second option. When I was younger I used to get stressed about not being able to implement what I thought was best in terms of code/design.
Now I just do what I'm told (at a very moderate pace) and focus my energy on my hobbies and family.
> There are two ways you can overcome it: gain control or relinquish the desire for control.
What if both of these are difficult? and how would you relinquish the desire?
What if both of these are difficult? and how would you relinquish the desire?
I've been experiencing similar things recently and have also been making a couple of changes to try and help. Removing caffeine/alcohol has been a huge one for me -- initially I found it very difficult to not drink, because I thought that drinking always leads to 'fun'. After stopping, I tried a couple of times again to drink (a couple of glasses and even one total binge session). I've noticed that I just don't enjoy the feeling anymore, and the hangover effects are just not worth what little gain I now get from it. It was journaling that helped me uncover that -- I could track how I felt after days with caffeine, days after drinking, and then the answer became pretty clear to me. Maybe i'll enjoy drinking again soon, but right now I'm content to skip it.
One thing I still struggle with is being able to give myself downtime after work. I always feel the need to be progressing with something -- completing more video games, reading more books, or getting stronger at the gym. I'm not sure how best to deal with that feeling.
One thing I still struggle with is being able to give myself downtime after work. I always feel the need to be progressing with something -- completing more video games, reading more books, or getting stronger at the gym. I'm not sure how best to deal with that feeling.
I have the same issue, with serious migraines if I don't find a way to wind down and stop coding. Vaping THC at night after working out has worked for me. It gets me out talking to my family, playing guitar and singing, and enjoying otherwise boring pastimes like listening to music and watching sports/movies.
Breaking a habit is usually very hard, so kudos to you for stopping. Everything should be in moderation. Alcohol/Coffee can definitely backfire. And taking a break from them even for a short time can make such a huge difference. It will give you that extra mental energy to get on things that can actually benefit you like exercising, meditating or anything else that will be beneficial!
This might sound obvious, but you need good tooling. I used to use use plain sublime text with very little plugins and automation. Writing code was extremely frustrating. Sublime text autocompletion rarely worked.
I’ve updated to the latest version, installed an lsp, written some plugins and commands for generating base classes and imports. I even run the tests automatically on file changes, terminal window about 1/4 of the screen (the other 3/4 is sublime), and now it’s a joy to write code. I no longer get frustrated writing even a simple line. Now I get immediate feedback when typing (from the lsp) and get (almost) immediate results when saving a file, (by having the tests run automatically). When I have to create a file, I have commands for most cases and when I don’t I have snippets that make it a breeze. It’s now actually enjoyable.
I’ve updated to the latest version, installed an lsp, written some plugins and commands for generating base classes and imports. I even run the tests automatically on file changes, terminal window about 1/4 of the screen (the other 3/4 is sublime), and now it’s a joy to write code. I no longer get frustrated writing even a simple line. Now I get immediate feedback when typing (from the lsp) and get (almost) immediate results when saving a file, (by having the tests run automatically). When I have to create a file, I have commands for most cases and when I don’t I have snippets that make it a breeze. It’s now actually enjoyable.
I always overlooked the importance of stress management, as I thought working 12 hours a day in startups is fun!
As I grew older, and realized that enthusiasm is unsustainable. Something that halped me is prioritizing excercise and mindfulness for a short period of time in the day. It was such a great addition!
As I grew older, and realized that enthusiasm is unsustainable. Something that halped me is prioritizing excercise and mindfulness for a short period of time in the day. It was such a great addition!
Mindfulness and exercise are great, and I'd like to add fresh air and in-person socialization.
Personally I think most of my depression comes down to not getting any joy out of my job as a dev and just doing it to pay the bills ... at then end of the day it's so draining that I have no energy left to work on personal projects, the current job market is not helping either to jump ship elsewhere
Having 0 energy after work means you either need to try less at work or you're depressed. You should have ~4 hours of energy after the workday ends.
Are you on adderall? That can cause a brutal end of day crash.
Are you on adderall? That can cause a brutal end of day crash.
Not the person you responded to, but I did just get back on Adderall after being unmedicated for the last 8 years.
The end of day crash was much worse without Adderall. I felt like I was trying to swim against a current all day long, and then I'd feel like I was drowning for the rest of the day (though the drowning sensation would usually start after just 2-3 hours of work). With Adderall I'm swimming with the current, or at least in still water. I don't feel like I'm drowning at the end of the day and I actually have energy for other things
The end of day crash was much worse without Adderall. I felt like I was trying to swim against a current all day long, and then I'd feel like I was drowning for the rest of the day (though the drowning sensation would usually start after just 2-3 hours of work). With Adderall I'm swimming with the current, or at least in still water. I don't feel like I'm drowning at the end of the day and I actually have energy for other things
Without Adderall, the 'end of day' crash sometimes happens at 2 PM for me. Then, there are the days where I literally don't get anything done until after 2 PM. Among other things, Adderall makes me more consistent.
It's the same for almost any profession I think. As long as you can't decide what to do with your own time, and you work from the supervision of someone else, you will always feel like that. Maybe you are better off trying to create your own business instead.
Or become a freelancer, and switch jobs every two years or so. It isn't easy either way.
But there are other jobs where you would be a better fit, so I think you probably should switch jobs, and avoid the risk of getting burned out.
There where you are currently at, it's not going to get any better, right?
Or become a freelancer, and switch jobs every two years or so. It isn't easy either way.
But there are other jobs where you would be a better fit, so I think you probably should switch jobs, and avoid the risk of getting burned out.
There where you are currently at, it's not going to get any better, right?
> I was very lucky to come across a YouTube video that talked about anxiety and how it manifested.
Did I miss the link to this youtube video?
Did I miss the link to this youtube video?
Hey, sorry about that. I can't remember the exact video I watched, but it was talking about anxiety and it's symptoms. It wasn't the exact video that was so important, it was the understanding that what I am dealing with was Anxiety.
Step 1: stop reading chatGPT / AI news
I know that there are long-term pressures and various reasons why people get stressed. But stress is also biological, cortisol the stress hormone causes harmful reactions in the body. This can cause a chain-reaction into a downward spiral that people end up just accepting as being constantly stressed out.
This is why lowering your caffeine intake is often at the top of the list to reduce stress. It actively raises cortisol, but this can be a good thing if you aren't chronically stressed. If you are chronically stressed, then you need to lower/avoid caffeine.
If you can lower your cortisol to normal levels, you can react much better to the situation you're in. I personally use Ashwagandha to do this, and I don't take it habitually, only when my stress levels are uncomfortably high. There may be another supplement that works better for you, or even something like going for walks. The point is to do something about high cortisol levels.
This is why lowering your caffeine intake is often at the top of the list to reduce stress. It actively raises cortisol, but this can be a good thing if you aren't chronically stressed. If you are chronically stressed, then you need to lower/avoid caffeine.
If you can lower your cortisol to normal levels, you can react much better to the situation you're in. I personally use Ashwagandha to do this, and I don't take it habitually, only when my stress levels are uncomfortably high. There may be another supplement that works better for you, or even something like going for walks. The point is to do something about high cortisol levels.
Agree on the caffeine intake. It has made a huge difference in my life! There are people who drink coffee and it doesn't cause them to feel stressed, but often times, coffee wil have other side effects like messing up your sleep.
I prefer to drink coffee occasionally and for daily, I would choose a green tea or something like Chamomile, does wonders!
I prefer to drink coffee occasionally and for daily, I would choose a green tea or something like Chamomile, does wonders!
imho software engineers are the most susceptible to the hyperactivity that often leads to these types of maladies - which ultimately flips from “working 100 miles an hour” to “only able to work 2 hours a day”, aka burnout
Byungchul Han is what’s been saving me - almost like philosophical therapy. has helped me to realize the societal origins of a lot of the expectations i inflict on myself
hope his frameworks might help others!
https://youtu.be/BX-FK_Rmzjc
Byungchul Han is what’s been saving me - almost like philosophical therapy. has helped me to realize the societal origins of a lot of the expectations i inflict on myself
hope his frameworks might help others!
https://youtu.be/BX-FK_Rmzjc
I agree on this!
One thing I would suggest for those suffering from anxiety that I don’t hear often is to try supplementing with lavender. I thought it sounded super goofy and hippie but has been by far the most effective for me. L-theanine and CBD are ok-ish, but yea try Calm-Aid.
For me I have gone through phases with procrastination, anxiety. I have to get a big task, breakdown into lots of small tasks and realistically see how many tasks I can get done today & this week. It means those big projects that I used to think I could get done in a few days realistically takes a month and its easier to start because all I have to do this week are these explicit steps. Once you get used to it and start delivering you have anxiety and procrastination under control.
I was skeptical at first when my doctor recommended it, but since starting Zoloft/Sertraline about 3 weeks ago I have been very productive and have for once in my life (late 20s) I feel like I am actually winning in my battle with anxiety/stress.
I am not one to immediately recommend anti-depressants, and will be looking to wean myself off in the future, but in my current state I have found it extremely beneficial.
I am not one to immediately recommend anti-depressants, and will be looking to wean myself off in the future, but in my current state I have found it extremely beneficial.
+1 to SSRIs. One thing that's under-emphasized is that trying SSRIs is an experiment, rather than a commitment. After 5-6 weeks if they don't work for you or the side effects aren't worth it, you can drop them no problem. So if you feel like you might have clinically significant anxiety or depression, really consider an experiment.
I've had friends that have hated the side effects or not seen much benefit, who stopped. And I've had friends who've start and it's like a cloud has lifted - described as the best decision of their life.
I've had friends that have hated the side effects or not seen much benefit, who stopped. And I've had friends who've start and it's like a cloud has lifted - described as the best decision of their life.
+1 to "experiment, not a commitment," but I would also add that you really need to give them a fair shake if you're going to try them. For most antidepressant drugs, that's going to be a full 6 week trial.
Personally, I learned from my experiments that I can eat Lexapro like candy (not literally, but you get the drift) and it doesn't do anything for me, but Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Effexor have been good to me. IIRC, response rates overall to antidepressant medications are in the 40-50% range, so you might get lucky and find your wonder drug on the first try, or you might have to try more than one. Failing an antidepressant trial can certainly be a frustrating experience, but I would certainly advise anyone who asked to commit to trying up to 3 different antidepressants before throwing in the towel on these medications entirely.
Personally, I learned from my experiments that I can eat Lexapro like candy (not literally, but you get the drift) and it doesn't do anything for me, but Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Effexor have been good to me. IIRC, response rates overall to antidepressant medications are in the 40-50% range, so you might get lucky and find your wonder drug on the first try, or you might have to try more than one. Failing an antidepressant trial can certainly be a frustrating experience, but I would certainly advise anyone who asked to commit to trying up to 3 different antidepressants before throwing in the towel on these medications entirely.
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While this article contains sage advice for maintaining a healthy software developer career, I've found that one additional aspect is crucial: be generally interested in people. This allows you to understand and navigate different people you will work with (including toxic ones) with ease and almost no stress.
How would it help me deal with toxic people? I've been pretty fortunate that the ratio of nice/toxic people has been pretty low. But each time I had to work with toxic people, it was a huge energy drain and I did not have a good way to deal with it.
The best advice I can give you is to think of toxic people much like you'd think of a new organism you'd like to study. You'll quickly learn why they are toxic, and the types of things you can do and say to deal with them. This, in turn, allows you to leverage or diffuse them.
This job is so stressful that even sleep does not feel like rest. When you cannot figure out how to do something it just eats at you and you can never let it go. And if you never figure it out your soul can never rest.
Sometimes death feels like it would be the ultimate and most restful nap.
Sometimes death feels like it would be the ultimate and most restful nap.
> Today, I am excited to announce my 4-week daily guided program, The Anxious Developer Program!
Ah, there it is.
Ah, there it is.
Yes. That is all there was to it. Just an informertial
I am sorry if you didn't find anything useful in that article. While I am inviting people to sign up for my program in the end of the article, I also believe I gave enough tools and practical tips that someone can try and apply in their daily life that might benefit them. I am speaking from my personal experience and suggest things that helped me in the first case. My point was not to write 1 hour blog article about all causes of Anxiety and how to heal every single case. Was there something else you expected to find that I didn't cover? I would love to know. Thanks!
Maybe I'm jaded, but most articles like these are often just a bait-and-switch for something someone is selling. When I got to the end, there it was: the sales pitch. It never fails to disappoint.
The sales pitch negates the entire write-up. The program's not even ready so you're just collecting e-mails at this point.
This is anxiety we're talking about. Offering "early bird pricing" and some "free goodies" ? What the hell.
Edit: On top of that, you aren't even a licensed professional. What happens if you come across someone who you couldn't help and then he/she offs themselves because it was too much.
The sales pitch negates the entire write-up. The program's not even ready so you're just collecting e-mails at this point.
This is anxiety we're talking about. Offering "early bird pricing" and some "free goodies" ? What the hell.
Edit: On top of that, you aren't even a licensed professional. What happens if you come across someone who you couldn't help and then he/she offs themselves because it was too much.
Thanks man!
At first I was dismissive of your message and I didn't see your true intention behind it. I have taken some of your feedback and made some changes to the copy. I believe emojis and some words weren't really fit...
EDIT: I also, included a disclaimer that people don't need to buy my program in order to overcome anxiety. I assumed it was clear in the article, but I guess not, so I added that too. Hope it helps :)
Thanks again, have a good one!
At first I was dismissive of your message and I didn't see your true intention behind it. I have taken some of your feedback and made some changes to the copy. I believe emojis and some words weren't really fit...
EDIT: I also, included a disclaimer that people don't need to buy my program in order to overcome anxiety. I assumed it was clear in the article, but I guess not, so I added that too. Hope it helps :)
Thanks again, have a good one!
Side note: 4DWW - Four Day Work Week would do a tremendous amount of good in reducing stress.
Currently I don't have enough time for life: I'm tired after work, one of the weekends is a chore day (catching up on life stuff), when do I live? Stress.
Currently I don't have enough time for life: I'm tired after work, one of the weekends is a chore day (catching up on life stuff), when do I live? Stress.
Yes, totally forgot to add it. I updated the article now. Was such a good read. A lot of things I do today is because of that book!
A very recent conversation on HN: “I’ll tell you what your doctor might not be telling you” https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35746215
That's a great list.
I am the kind of person who doesn't care much for "exercise" per se. I get bored with it. The thing that gets me up to see the sun and get some exercise is my dog. Having a dog has many research-proven mental and physical health benefits. For myself, I can say that I benefit so much from having a dog that I just don't see myself ever not having one.
Of course, not everybody can have a dog, so this is not really general advice. But, if it even sounds like it might be a good idea to someone, I'd encourage that person to look into getting a furry friend. :)
I am the kind of person who doesn't care much for "exercise" per se. I get bored with it. The thing that gets me up to see the sun and get some exercise is my dog. Having a dog has many research-proven mental and physical health benefits. For myself, I can say that I benefit so much from having a dog that I just don't see myself ever not having one.
Of course, not everybody can have a dog, so this is not really general advice. But, if it even sounds like it might be a good idea to someone, I'd encourage that person to look into getting a furry friend. :)
I have a similar story and also something good was born out of it: Habinator Health Coach app that helps implement the wanted lifestyle changes. https://habinator.com
My biggest pet peeve in the industry is sociopathic - narcissistic behavior. I have been in the industry for the better part of the last decade and 15-20% of the people I have worked with had some of those traits. Once you interact with middle to upper management you start to notice more and more people have several personalities and narratives ready to be swapped any time.
Seems to be more and more common among cyber-security professionals as well.
The threat actor(s) are free to attack any day any time. Infosec has to be on the ball 24/7 while having imperfect visibility and a ever changing attack surface both inside and outside.
And security vendors promise the moon and stars and then later it's all "you have to tune it" gee thanks for the hundreds of alerts I have to "tune" while still working with 30+ other tools that we've been trying to tune.
Am I bitter? Yes.
And security vendors promise the moon and stars and then later it's all "you have to tune it" gee thanks for the hundreds of alerts I have to "tune" while still working with 30+ other tools that we've been trying to tune.
Am I bitter? Yes.
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Replace coffee and beer with noxious weeds soaking in tepid water?
Hard pass.
Hard pass.
Yea. I can’t give up my delicious Aeropresses.
Then the bad decisions from management started and I started to love my job less, I still woke up with some excitement.
2 and a half years later: today what I do has more to do with pressure and deadlines than with learning and/or doing the right thing.
Today, I find it unsustainable to work 8 hours a day, I've come to hate what I do, I can't imagine looking for another job doing the same thing.
Sunday nights are getting harder and harder to bear. Anxiety and despair blind me to the point of believing that I won't be able to do anything else in my life. I think I need some urgent help.
Edit: I'm in my mid 30s - already had a carreer switch