(1) your biggest problem is yourself (which means it’s in your control, possible to change)
Not in your control, and can't change, hence the question. A common and dangerous trap. "I can change" may be as treacherous an approach as "say no to drugs". If we locked up all the people that failed to change, our prisons would be full(er). I'd be there too.
Now with the modified premise that "you can't change", "your biggest problem is yourself" becomes horrible news. It's the one thing you can't solve. But that's where many people find themselves.
But if you can't change, then what?
This spares you of all the self-criticims, self-help, self-motivation, and can help you reframe your narrative:
- A therapist doesn't help you "change". You're giving yourself someone to talk to. You're paying someone friendly, that wants to be your friend, has a lot of knowledge about struggling people, and can give you drugs. That's a great deal for anyone who can afford it.
- Drugs don't change you. They medicate you. If you take asprin for a headache, nothing about you changed apart from a less aching head.
Just talking this way will make you feel better already, and it helps that they're true.
I mentioned therapy and drugs because they work and are also mentioned by many other comments. But without "changing yourself" there is a ton you can do. What you have control over and can change are your people, your relationships with your people, your location, your job, how you spend your time, how you spend your money, what you eat, etc, etc.
If you insist people can change, okay, but you have to agree changing these things is far easier than changing people. It's easier to change the relationship with your manager or even replacing him than "changing" your manager. Same applies with yourself.
But the best part is, if you do all these things, you will feel better. You will change. You're one with all of these things. Because, ultimately, that's all you is.
Not in your control, and can't change, hence the question. A common and dangerous trap. "I can change" may be as treacherous an approach as "say no to drugs". If we locked up all the people that failed to change, our prisons would be full(er). I'd be there too.
Now with the modified premise that "you can't change", "your biggest problem is yourself" becomes horrible news. It's the one thing you can't solve. But that's where many people find themselves.
But if you can't change, then what?
This spares you of all the self-criticims, self-help, self-motivation, and can help you reframe your narrative:
- A therapist doesn't help you "change". You're giving yourself someone to talk to. You're paying someone friendly, that wants to be your friend, has a lot of knowledge about struggling people, and can give you drugs. That's a great deal for anyone who can afford it.
- Drugs don't change you. They medicate you. If you take asprin for a headache, nothing about you changed apart from a less aching head.
Just talking this way will make you feel better already, and it helps that they're true.
I mentioned therapy and drugs because they work and are also mentioned by many other comments. But without "changing yourself" there is a ton you can do. What you have control over and can change are your people, your relationships with your people, your location, your job, how you spend your time, how you spend your money, what you eat, etc, etc.
If you insist people can change, okay, but you have to agree changing these things is far easier than changing people. It's easier to change the relationship with your manager or even replacing him than "changing" your manager. Same applies with yourself.
But the best part is, if you do all these things, you will feel better. You will change. You're one with all of these things. Because, ultimately, that's all you is.