A recent article about building in Millbrae mentions developer fees of 26k per unit being build. I'm all for deregulation to make it easier to build, but the code compliance and fees are also part of the problem.
From the National Association of Home Builders, it looks like "average" is approximately $9,400 per unit in "fees". Not sure if that's apple to apples with the Bay Area, but in either way that fee just seems kind of crazy.
Rows A-C, summing fees, on the Construction Costs table here: https://www.nahbclassic.org/generic.aspx?genericContentID=24...
I think to padobson's point, it's all about what you want to do.
There are certain restrictions that the Bay Area places on you, like how much money you need to earn, and a particular lifestyle you want to live, in a very specific industry. This is the same as someone going to Houston for Oil, NYC for Finance/Fashion, LA for entertainment, etc. People who live in those places have a particular set of goals - e.g. building big companies (vc or not), doing well on wall street, hitting it big in the movies, etc.
If you don't have those goals, then absolutely - stay where you want to stay. Work remotely. There is a ton of arbitrage in software dev right now, you can make a killing and live in really cheap places. You can literally live like a king. if that is what you want to do.
So it all comes down to your goals, and the Bay Area as a whole is self selecting in that way. If you want to do something more chill in software, that's great. We need more people making money writing code - it's great for the world economy. But you don't need to be in the Bay Area for this (unless you want to).