Ask HN: Happy people, what does a day, week and year in your life look like?
16 comments
Such thought patterns can equally easily lead further into depression. Indeed often one needs a motivating goal to get out of a depressive phase and as soon as everything becomes "meaningless", then no goal will be strong enough.
Everything can't become meaningless because what we call meaning and purpose describe subjective interpretations, not inherent properties. My children mean a lot to me, but the meaning comes from me and my interactions with my children, not from a quality they possess (which is why my children don't mean anything to most people). It follows that nothing can "become meaningless," it can only cease to mean something in relation to you or me.
We have to find our own meaning and purpose in life, not look outside ourselves. I assume people reading my comment understand the distinction between higher purpose or meaning in the sense of the world at large, the universe, or the hereafter if you prefer, and what each of us finds personally meaningful or purposeful.
For myself, I found meaning and purpose from having children to raise. If I didn't have children I might find purpose in accumulating wealth, or finding a partner I enjoy spending time with, or traveling to see the world. Even hanging out with friends and laughing has some meaning, just not likely a cosmic meaning.
If a person needs to feel their life and (subjective) interpretation of their place and purpose in the world has importance and meaning outside of their subjective experience to stave off depression they should seek professional help. To imagine that what one does has significance, importance, and meaning beyond subjective experience seems like a symptom of delusion or narcissism.
We have to find our own meaning and purpose in life, not look outside ourselves. I assume people reading my comment understand the distinction between higher purpose or meaning in the sense of the world at large, the universe, or the hereafter if you prefer, and what each of us finds personally meaningful or purposeful.
For myself, I found meaning and purpose from having children to raise. If I didn't have children I might find purpose in accumulating wealth, or finding a partner I enjoy spending time with, or traveling to see the world. Even hanging out with friends and laughing has some meaning, just not likely a cosmic meaning.
If a person needs to feel their life and (subjective) interpretation of their place and purpose in the world has importance and meaning outside of their subjective experience to stave off depression they should seek professional help. To imagine that what one does has significance, importance, and meaning beyond subjective experience seems like a symptom of delusion or narcissism.
I agree. I am currently stuck in a rut where everything seems meaningless, and I can’t find the motivation to do much of anything.
I desperately yearn for a meaning/purpose to serve as a source of internal motivation…
Up until now, the only thing that has been a “motivation” for me is a fear of failure, so that’s what I rely on to get anything done.
I desperately yearn for a meaning/purpose to serve as a source of internal motivation…
Up until now, the only thing that has been a “motivation” for me is a fear of failure, so that’s what I rely on to get anything done.
What about the pleasure of learning something new? Of accomplishing something for yourself? Solving a problem, or making a new thing? Or making yourself a better friend, partner, spouse, friend? Enjoying time with people you care about? Those things can give you a feeling of purpose and meaning.
I think the problem comes from expecting to find a larger purpose or meaning. Few of us will change the world significantly. Rid yourself of the idea that your life must have a greater purpose than satisfying yourself and the people you care about.
For example, too many people put a lot of effort into social media status in the form "likes" or "karma." What actual meaning does that have? What purpose does it serve, aside from attention-seeking and narcissism? When people spend their time on getting attention and status display their ego gets crushed when that attention doesn't come, or goes away. Wouldn't enjoying a walk on the beach give more pleasure, even if it serves no purpose beyond relaxation and contemplation?
You have to start with yourself, to find meaning and purpose for yourself in how you treat yourself, and then how you interact with other people. You can't start by hoping to find a greater purpose or meaning in life and feeling down and useless until that happens.
I think the problem comes from expecting to find a larger purpose or meaning. Few of us will change the world significantly. Rid yourself of the idea that your life must have a greater purpose than satisfying yourself and the people you care about.
For example, too many people put a lot of effort into social media status in the form "likes" or "karma." What actual meaning does that have? What purpose does it serve, aside from attention-seeking and narcissism? When people spend their time on getting attention and status display their ego gets crushed when that attention doesn't come, or goes away. Wouldn't enjoying a walk on the beach give more pleasure, even if it serves no purpose beyond relaxation and contemplation?
You have to start with yourself, to find meaning and purpose for yourself in how you treat yourself, and then how you interact with other people. You can't start by hoping to find a greater purpose or meaning in life and feeling down and useless until that happens.
Hope you are OK? I am content (big picture) but rarely happy (in any given moment). But moments when I am happy are really nice. I don’t think you need to be happy all the time really.
Simple life, less screen time with regular detox, see animals, smell flowers, visit mountains, live near the ocean, happy people around. Productivity is a non-goal.
A day:
Get up at 0600, cook water to make coffee.
Get on the indoor-cycle to do one hour Zone 2 cycling.
Rest of the day is spend learning C, working on an C#/Azure Function webshop i have. This is intermingled with an Alternating Current containing fear of the future to excitement of the future. 1700 ish Take a break and workout for atleast an hour. 1800 ish Eat, relax and then bedtime
This pattern repeats itself until Friday afternoon where i spend a couple of hours socializing and in the weekends i work on my outdoor IOT-project.
Rest of the day is spend learning C, working on an C#/Azure Function webshop i have. This is intermingled with an Alternating Current containing fear of the future to excitement of the future. 1700 ish Take a break and workout for atleast an hour. 1800 ish Eat, relax and then bedtime
This pattern repeats itself until Friday afternoon where i spend a couple of hours socializing and in the weekends i work on my outdoor IOT-project.
Not comparing yourself to others.
Being grateful and appreciating everything each day brings.
Rinse and repeat.
Being grateful and appreciating everything each day brings.
Rinse and repeat.
Day:
Wake up at 7am, work on my own projects until 9am. Work for $EMPLOYER until noon. Workout until 1pm. Work for $EMPLOYER until 5pm. Hang out with my wife until 10pm-ish, sleep.
Week:
See above, multiply by 5. Weekends: whatever I feel like, preference for riding my bike or walking in nature.
Year:
See above, multiply by 47. 5 weeks out of 52, I'm on holiday, usually near a beach.
Wake up at 7am, work on my own projects until 9am. Work for $EMPLOYER until noon. Workout until 1pm. Work for $EMPLOYER until 5pm. Hang out with my wife until 10pm-ish, sleep.
Week:
See above, multiply by 5. Weekends: whatever I feel like, preference for riding my bike or walking in nature.
Year:
See above, multiply by 47. 5 weeks out of 52, I'm on holiday, usually near a beach.
I wake up, even though id love to stay in bed. But i have a kid to take care of and a job to make money to afford living in a good city in a good country.
Then I live through the day and get to bed often later than Id love to.
Sorry to disappoint you, but my life looks very boring. And i am happy.
Then I live through the day and get to bed often later than Id love to.
Sorry to disappoint you, but my life looks very boring. And i am happy.
Wake up at 5am. Drink some coffee by the fire.
Then I quietly meditate for 20 minutes before I start any work.
Periodic meditation and prayer throughout the day.
My day depends on what season it is. Winter time I'm writing code. Summer time I'm farming and building.
I strive for a 1% improvement every day.
Then I quietly meditate for 20 minutes before I start any work.
Periodic meditation and prayer throughout the day.
My day depends on what season it is. Winter time I'm writing code. Summer time I'm farming and building.
I strive for a 1% improvement every day.
plenty of downs, but enjoying every little ups.
pretty much like this scene in antman: https://youtu.be/AFqaGb7Qxm4
pretty much like this scene in antman: https://youtu.be/AFqaGb7Qxm4
Life satisfaction is more important than ephemeral happiness. In this way suffering can also contribute to a life well lived.
A Day:
Wake up at 5 AM. Wake wife up with a kiss. Bottle the milk for the youngest kids then shove them into the shower half asleep. Wife preps school lunch. Take a shower, pray, carry disabled mother in law into wheelchair. Shove kids into car. Enjoy the sunrise.
Drive MIL to dialysis. Send kids to school. Sometimes grab a nice meal out with wife and toddler. Sometimes cook eggs and bread at home, or a smoothie. Get in about 1-2 hours of work done or review PRs.
At 11 AM, pick up MIL from dialysis. Reach home office around 1145, in time for daily stand up. Lift weights during stand up instead of multitasking on browsers. Grab a lettuce for lunch and a navel orange for sugar. Wife picks up kids at 3 PM.
Code stuff until 5 PM or so at home office. Enter house. Kids tackle me. Pry them off. Ask kids if they've done their homework (answer is usually no, but then they get off me). Carry MIL to wheelchair for shower. Younger kids usually shower with her. Cook dinner or answer work messages. Carry MIL from shower to bed. Chase kids around who usually refuse to put on clothes. Sometimes we eat at a restaurant.
Have dinner. Kids are sleepy and fight. Grab a shower while they fight. Wife sleeps in a separate bed because the large one gives her back pain. Kids want the big bed. Kids refuse to sleep with each other but also refuse to sleep in own bed. Sometimes they sleep on the floor. Handle random requests from kids at night (milk, late night snack, watching stars, favorite book, etc). Kids are usually asleep by 10 PM.
I play idle games on my phone or browse social media until the kid on my arm has fallen asleep. Then finish up some work to make up for lost time in the morning. Sometimes do a little freelancing. Sometimes read a book or play a game. Sleep by 1 AM, preferably 12. If I'm still up late at night, it's a good time for prayer.
Week:
Weekdays are similar to the above. Saturday mornings involve bringing kids for classes, MIL for dialysis. Then later in the day, either I freelance or we go grocery shopping.
Sundays we do random things. Sometimes bring the whole family out for food and a walk at the mall. Sometimes the parks. Or bird parks. Butterfly parks. Libraries. Or a movie. Or just sit at home and play some game together. Or I freelance.
Or at times we drive in a random direction and visit a town we've never visited before. There's a really nice view at the local dam, and also at the airport as planes touch down. Beauty is not just in nature.
Split all freelance income with wife, 50-50.
Year:
Take a week off every quarter. I enjoy coding until morning with coffee, mountain dew, ramen, and Metallica. Which leads to burnout easily and so the week off helps me keep out of an unproductive spiral of working long hours to make up for unproductive work that leads to long hours.
Usually spend the week off meeting old classmates, either mine or my wife's. Sometimes family, especially on holidays and birthdays.
Generally vacations are wherever my wife's best friends can afford to bring their entire family. So we don't actually spend too much or feel like we need that much more money.
Wake up at 5 AM. Wake wife up with a kiss. Bottle the milk for the youngest kids then shove them into the shower half asleep. Wife preps school lunch. Take a shower, pray, carry disabled mother in law into wheelchair. Shove kids into car. Enjoy the sunrise.
Drive MIL to dialysis. Send kids to school. Sometimes grab a nice meal out with wife and toddler. Sometimes cook eggs and bread at home, or a smoothie. Get in about 1-2 hours of work done or review PRs.
At 11 AM, pick up MIL from dialysis. Reach home office around 1145, in time for daily stand up. Lift weights during stand up instead of multitasking on browsers. Grab a lettuce for lunch and a navel orange for sugar. Wife picks up kids at 3 PM.
Code stuff until 5 PM or so at home office. Enter house. Kids tackle me. Pry them off. Ask kids if they've done their homework (answer is usually no, but then they get off me). Carry MIL to wheelchair for shower. Younger kids usually shower with her. Cook dinner or answer work messages. Carry MIL from shower to bed. Chase kids around who usually refuse to put on clothes. Sometimes we eat at a restaurant.
Have dinner. Kids are sleepy and fight. Grab a shower while they fight. Wife sleeps in a separate bed because the large one gives her back pain. Kids want the big bed. Kids refuse to sleep with each other but also refuse to sleep in own bed. Sometimes they sleep on the floor. Handle random requests from kids at night (milk, late night snack, watching stars, favorite book, etc). Kids are usually asleep by 10 PM.
I play idle games on my phone or browse social media until the kid on my arm has fallen asleep. Then finish up some work to make up for lost time in the morning. Sometimes do a little freelancing. Sometimes read a book or play a game. Sleep by 1 AM, preferably 12. If I'm still up late at night, it's a good time for prayer.
Week:
Weekdays are similar to the above. Saturday mornings involve bringing kids for classes, MIL for dialysis. Then later in the day, either I freelance or we go grocery shopping.
Sundays we do random things. Sometimes bring the whole family out for food and a walk at the mall. Sometimes the parks. Or bird parks. Butterfly parks. Libraries. Or a movie. Or just sit at home and play some game together. Or I freelance.
Or at times we drive in a random direction and visit a town we've never visited before. There's a really nice view at the local dam, and also at the airport as planes touch down. Beauty is not just in nature.
Split all freelance income with wife, 50-50.
Year:
Take a week off every quarter. I enjoy coding until morning with coffee, mountain dew, ramen, and Metallica. Which leads to burnout easily and so the week off helps me keep out of an unproductive spiral of working long hours to make up for unproductive work that leads to long hours.
Usually spend the week off meeting old classmates, either mine or my wife's. Sometimes family, especially on holidays and birthdays.
Generally vacations are wherever my wife's best friends can afford to bring their entire family. So we don't actually spend too much or feel like we need that much more money.
Smoke a dope in the morning, i'm happy and creative all day. /s
"Happy" doesn't describe an innate attribute or constant emotional state. It describes how you or I react to experiences. We can't predict or control everything that affects us, but we can choose how we interpret and react. We call a person "happy" if they seem to take things in stride, find something positive, not get anxious or angry. I think feeling happy, or content, most of the time comes from not expecting the world and the other people in it to behave the way I might like them to or think they should. I can choose not to worry and make myself anxious over things I can't control. I can decide not to let someone manipulate or control my emotional reactions. Everyone can make those decisions.
Buddhism teaches that we all suffer as part of living, and desire causes that suffering. It follows that reducing desire may reduce suffering and lead to contentment and happiness. Someone may desire material things, a romantic partner, friends. Many people desire that other people behave in a certain way, or that the world should treat them fairly. When their desires don't get fulfilled they feel disappointed, anxious, sad, angry.
Absurdism offers the idea that life has no deep meaning, the universe doesn't care about us, and no deity or higher power watches over us and intervenes in our affairs. Some people find that prospect frightening and depressing (thus spiritual beliefs and religion). Others find it freeing and comical -- if we have no purpose we can choose to enjoy our brief lives as much as possible.
A happy person accepts and adapts to what comes their way. They don't indulge in useless emotions like worry, guilt, regret. They change their situation as much as they can to enjoy life more.
Since "happy" describes how a person interprets and reacts to the world, and people who seem happy come from all cultures and traditions and walks of life, I don't think asking what a day, week, or year in such a person's life looks like will give any useful information. You can't make yourself feel happier by brooding over how people you perceive as happy live their lives.