Attention Is a Proof of Love(papanotes.com)
papanotes.com
Attention Is a Proof of Love
https://papanotes.com/attention-is-a-proof-of-love
24 comments
The "epidemic of loneliness" (in the western world) is a made up thing by the media. There is no actual data to support it, there is some data that shows the opposite.
There is some data that suggest very old people are more lonely but that might just be became on average they are much longer alive and independent after their partner dies compare to past generations.
Here is a short ~5min video about the topic https://youtu.be/rVsKWQp-sq4
There is some data that suggest very old people are more lonely but that might just be became on average they are much longer alive and independent after their partner dies compare to past generations.
Here is a short ~5min video about the topic https://youtu.be/rVsKWQp-sq4
It is a skill, for sure.
I still feel like I suck at it in many ways. But recognizing it is the first step to doing better. And pausing what you're doing when someone talks to you is a relatively easy thing to do.
For people, in person, this is true. But don't make this mistake for apps and websites. Just because you've managed to hook users with skinner box dopamine hits doesn't mean they love you.
Goes without saying, yet worth pointing out.
Love and be loved by people, not by machines (or corporations, which are just machines). Machines can never love you.
People are machines though. And dogs aren't people.
Proof of love or proof of manipulation. Some twisted people pay attention to the details about you to know how to manipulate you, giving you an illusion of love or “love bombing” to get their way with you. Differentiating between the two isn’t easy, but the latter usually doesn’t last long, and sooner or later, you start picking up on other toxic signs.
So don’t fall in love quickly!
In this world full of smartphones, this feels especially true: towards your kids or loved one.
The best tricks I know of are:
- Place your phone some place other than your pocket.
- And use it exclusively there: at a place where it is more directly obvious to tour sourroundings that you are occupied. Such as in a separate room or a specific corner less within sight from where the kids are playing.
- Get an Apple Watch or other device that only steal your attention for a brief moment. This will give you the comfort of knowing what’s going on, such as a colleague in need of assistance, without the lure or acting upon it at the cost of losing attention on what’s in front of you.
The best tricks I know of are:
- Place your phone some place other than your pocket.
- And use it exclusively there: at a place where it is more directly obvious to tour sourroundings that you are occupied. Such as in a separate room or a specific corner less within sight from where the kids are playing.
- Get an Apple Watch or other device that only steal your attention for a brief moment. This will give you the comfort of knowing what’s going on, such as a colleague in need of assistance, without the lure or acting upon it at the cost of losing attention on what’s in front of you.
On the messenger type apps, on feed type apps, on most apps, I disable sound for notifications. The only sound my phone makes is the phone's ringtone when someone is calling.
I also put my phone face down when I'm in a conversation or when I'm in an activity when a child. In the latter I usually leave the phone away from me.
I find it helps a lot in keeping my attention where it's worth putting.
I also put my phone face down when I'm in a conversation or when I'm in an activity when a child. In the latter I usually leave the phone away from me.
I find it helps a lot in keeping my attention where it's worth putting.
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Love is an action. And attention is one of those actions.
Attention is fuel to/the source of action :)
Amen. Been trying to slow down, put my phone down, and look directly at my baby and be present with him as he plays and wants to share toys with dada
Awesome to hear. I remember reading something a while back, saying that toddlers were developing language much slower when people use their phones around them. Because toddlers need a lot of interactions.
Seize the opportunity buddy, a decade can vanish just like that.
It is a very powerful observation. Extending from it, when you find mutual positive attention with someone, don't take it for granted. Conversely, if someone doesn't give you positive attention, unless they are just shy, drop them from your consideration. If they are shy, slow down the pace with them, but keep the interaction channel open, and see if they come back to you.
I read your newsletter. I will repeat it again: The world needs more people like you. :-)
You’re too kind! Thank you for saying so, it means a lot.
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Giving and receiving attention is also a skill. You can get better at it.