“A Doable Sacrifice:” Y Combinator as a Married Man(refer.ly)
refer.ly
“A Doable Sacrifice:” Y Combinator as a Married Man
http://refer.ly/aYAm
26 comments
Would you have been able to start it _as_ your son was born? I am just curious as to how important you think the overall timeline was.
Also, I think it is an interesting idea to contrast "youth culture" and "geek culture".
My current goals are just to be as effective a person as possible, work on my entrepreneurial skills, and just hope that when I do have children that I am a good enough entrepreneur to both pay the bills and be able to spend quality time with my family. It worries me that I may not be to that point when the time eventually arrives.
Also, I think it is an interesting idea to contrast "youth culture" and "geek culture".
My current goals are just to be as effective a person as possible, work on my entrepreneurial skills, and just hope that when I do have children that I am a good enough entrepreneur to both pay the bills and be able to spend quality time with my family. It worries me that I may not be to that point when the time eventually arrives.
I haven't done it (i.e start the company _as_ the kid was born) so I can't be sure but he was born during the most hectic phase of the company, bootstrapping our way up, with lots of travel. Even during that time, I still had plenty of time to enjoy watching him grow up.
The best lesson for me was watching my co-founder Tony Thomas, who could maintain his Buddha-like calm in the face of trying circumstances. He was the one who taught me it is possible to keep that balance.
Of course, I haven't watched any television in years (for the longest time, I didn't even own a TV set) and I cannot name any recent music band but thanks to the Economist-habit, I can quote the per-capita GDP of most countries within 10-20%
So you have to make judicious choices, but it is possible to achieve that balance between family life and entrepreneurship.
The best lesson for me was watching my co-founder Tony Thomas, who could maintain his Buddha-like calm in the face of trying circumstances. He was the one who taught me it is possible to keep that balance.
Of course, I haven't watched any television in years (for the longest time, I didn't even own a TV set) and I cannot name any recent music band but thanks to the Economist-habit, I can quote the per-capita GDP of most countries within 10-20%
So you have to make judicious choices, but it is possible to achieve that balance between family life and entrepreneurship.
Thanks for that.
[deleted]
Amazing story you have Sridhar (context - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sridhar_Vembu)
Congratulations on building an awesome company and being totally humble about it. I wish stories like yours were told more to put startups, life and what's important into perspective.
Congratulations on building an awesome company and being totally humble about it. I wish stories like yours were told more to put startups, life and what's important into perspective.
Being married is one thing; having kids is another.
As an entrepreneur with two young children, I know it's hard to keep a balance.
The hard part isn't necessarily the limited number of hours. It's possible to build a successful startup while working 40 hours a week, provided you're really focused and not goofing around during those hours.
What's hard is many startups have a youth culture that glorifies in working all the time, though much of that time is drinking beer and playing foosball. That's great when you're 23. But I (and many others with kids) would much prefer a professional culture of focused, intense work from 10 AM to 6 PM.
As an entrepreneur with two young children, I know it's hard to keep a balance.
The hard part isn't necessarily the limited number of hours. It's possible to build a successful startup while working 40 hours a week, provided you're really focused and not goofing around during those hours.
What's hard is many startups have a youth culture that glorifies in working all the time, though much of that time is drinking beer and playing foosball. That's great when you're 23. But I (and many others with kids) would much prefer a professional culture of focused, intense work from 10 AM to 6 PM.
Exactly, Here is a theory, I think one of the reason for a lack of enterprise 2.0 startups is that people like you and me (I have 2 kids as well) can't do things like YC, and most enterprise startup ideas come from people working in enterprises for years, and suffering the daily grind of old, overpriced enterprise software.
Since many top talent are usually less inclined to work for gray boring enterprises, and prefer startups (Who wouldn't?), then they don't face the problems we "older" developers see every day. no problem to solve, less ideas, less enterprise targeted startups.
I think PG wrote about it somewhere regarding things he looks to fund. (http://ycombinator.com/ideas.html)
Solution? I have no clue... but a VC backed babysitter 2.0 startup might be a step in the right direction
Edit: "do things like YC" should read - "create and run startups", not YC in specific.
Since many top talent are usually less inclined to work for gray boring enterprises, and prefer startups (Who wouldn't?), then they don't face the problems we "older" developers see every day. no problem to solve, less ideas, less enterprise targeted startups.
I think PG wrote about it somewhere regarding things he looks to fund. (http://ycombinator.com/ideas.html)
Solution? I have no clue... but a VC backed babysitter 2.0 startup might be a step in the right direction
Edit: "do things like YC" should read - "create and run startups", not YC in specific.
I'm not sure why there is such a focus on "going through" YC. In my opinion that isn't the difficult part at all (well getting accepted is ;)). Most people can sacrifice 3 months of their life and not see their loved ones. It is really only 3 months of your life. The bigger picture is a lot harder to balance. What happens after those 3 months? How do you run the startup while still maintaining a reasonable work-life balance?
If you can figure that part out then nothing should stop you from applying for YC.
If you can figure that part out then nothing should stop you from applying for YC.
Agree, though 3 months is not an option for me with my kids age (1 and 3) too much stuff I'll miss, and not sure my wife will be there when I get back.
But I agree, it's the years after probably, although I believe you can do more in 9 hours of balanced life than in 14 hours of hectic coding (just less reading HN, and writing just "good enough" code and not developing features that users don't really need, and hiring good people, can save a lot of time)
But I agree, it's the years after probably, although I believe you can do more in 9 hours of balanced life than in 14 hours of hectic coding (just less reading HN, and writing just "good enough" code and not developing features that users don't really need, and hiring good people, can save a lot of time)
> Most people can sacrifice 3 months of their life and not see their loved ones. It is really only 3 months of your life.
Most people with kids live on the edge of a precarious childcare cliff. It's a marvel of logistics to allow both parents to keep their jobs as it is--3 months of one parent holing up would push the whole family over the edge of that cliff. What is your spouse going to do, take 3 months off work?
Most people with kids live on the edge of a precarious childcare cliff. It's a marvel of logistics to allow both parents to keep their jobs as it is--3 months of one parent holing up would push the whole family over the edge of that cliff. What is your spouse going to do, take 3 months off work?
I didn't mean to make it sound easy. But running a business is difficult and that is only one problem to overcome. If you can't solve that problem for a pretty short amount of time then maybe it is not the right time to create the business.
After YC it is not like you can go home and do nothing. If anything things would get much more difficult. Especially if you raise money from investors.
After YC it is not like you can go home and do nothing. If anything things would get much more difficult. Especially if you raise money from investors.
"The bigger picture is a lot harder to balance. What happens after those 3 months? How do you run the startup while still maintaining a reasonable work-life balance?"
My theory on how to maintain work-life balance after YC is that you have to try to create some semblance of it during YC as well, then turn the volume up afterwards. That can also help avoid the post-Demo Day postpartum crash that comes with pulling a 3 month stint of nothing but work.
So for us, that meant taking Saturdays off, like I mentioned in the article. And it's not just about not working, it's about planning out some kind of epic release and fun time, like going to Monterey for a concert or kayaking around the bay. I have to admit that I wasn't as good about that before YC - I would work until some kind of internal safety valve would blow a gasket and I was flirting with the crispy edges of burnout, then I'd crash uselessly until I could be productive again - and now I'm hoping I've learned a life skill that can power steady productivity for much longer than 3 months.
My theory on how to maintain work-life balance after YC is that you have to try to create some semblance of it during YC as well, then turn the volume up afterwards. That can also help avoid the post-Demo Day postpartum crash that comes with pulling a 3 month stint of nothing but work.
So for us, that meant taking Saturdays off, like I mentioned in the article. And it's not just about not working, it's about planning out some kind of epic release and fun time, like going to Monterey for a concert or kayaking around the bay. I have to admit that I wasn't as good about that before YC - I would work until some kind of internal safety valve would blow a gasket and I was flirting with the crispy edges of burnout, then I'd crash uselessly until I could be productive again - and now I'm hoping I've learned a life skill that can power steady productivity for much longer than 3 months.
A friend and I had several conversations around what a YC for grown-ups would look like. One of my ideas was it would look something like the National Guard. One weekend a month while maintaining your current employment, some benefits for families (vacation house to re-connect after a session), or something like that. But, whether investors would ever fund such a thing, probably not.
Its funny you say "for grownups" while more than half the people in YC were 27 years old or older - certainly adults out of school and doing all the things grownups do: marriage, kids, taking on debt to buy homes, etc.
I realize that. It was more a positioning statement to separate it from YC. There are lots of other YC like programs too. The idea being to identify talented people who may not feel comfortable managing their constraints within existing accelerators. More importantly, to your point, I don't think that's an attractive target group for investors.
Count me in...
Is there a way to have a culture that supports both? I currently enjoy the "youth culture" but am increasingly getting tired of certain aspects of it. I really do enjoy having fun with coworkers, but I am increasingly aware of the marginal benefits from doing this too much.
This is something I am increasingly concerned about, as I will probably have children in a couple of years.
The thing is, the entrepreneurs with children that I know are vastly more effective than (most of) those without. The additional focus required to successfully do both has made them much more discerning when it comes to how they use their time. But there is definitely a belief among my younger friends that people with children just aren't capable of the kinds of work that lead to awesomeness.
This is something I am increasingly concerned about, as I will probably have children in a couple of years.
The thing is, the entrepreneurs with children that I know are vastly more effective than (most of) those without. The additional focus required to successfully do both has made them much more discerning when it comes to how they use their time. But there is definitely a belief among my younger friends that people with children just aren't capable of the kinds of work that lead to awesomeness.
Exactly. Startup while married and no kids would be a walk in the park, at least in terms of not having enough time, certainly there are many other variables to building a company than time alone. But, kids, in particular when you exceed 2, in my experience, pretty much rules over any shred of time beyond 40 hrs/week.
My startup, in hindsight, was one of the biggest factors contributing to my divorce. I don't blame anything other than my own choices/mistakes (and certainly not YC). I don't think it's impossible to do both happily, in fact I probably would have pulled it off had I been married to a different person.
Family conditions matter, but what also matters is the personal motivation.
I've just turned 40 and have one kid and another on the way. I guess I'm having a mid-life crisis when it comes to my work life and have decided to try to do something on my own.
Yes, with a pregnant wife and a young kid, it is difficult, but personal motivation and focus has so far kept me going, at least as far as developing the MVP is concerned. But, on the other hand, I did think about a revenue model before starting my project and not as an after thought.
I wish I had had this itch 10-15 years ago, but I cannot change the past, only influence my future.
I've just turned 40 and have one kid and another on the way. I guess I'm having a mid-life crisis when it comes to my work life and have decided to try to do something on my own.
Yes, with a pregnant wife and a young kid, it is difficult, but personal motivation and focus has so far kept me going, at least as far as developing the MVP is concerned. But, on the other hand, I did think about a revenue model before starting my project and not as an after thought.
I wish I had had this itch 10-15 years ago, but I cannot change the past, only influence my future.
I'm in a similar situation. I have a bootstrapped startup that I've developed during nights and weekends over the past two years. With a day job and young child at home, it has been a lot of work and added stress, but it's definitely doable, if you're driven and consistent. It's mentally exhausting, though. If there's a limit on my productivity, it's lack of mental energy, not time.
I am 28 and I see 16 year old kids trying to create a startup. I feel the same way :) So much time wasted! But I think the motivation to create a startup comes from the desire to create your own direction in your career. That is something that only comes after work experience at less than ideal companies.
Doable looks weird as a word. I read it as double. I believe it might look better hyphenated like do-able
"Doable," without the hyphen, is the correct spelling and has been for a very long time: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/doable .
My point is you can have a reasonably normal family life and you can build a company. These are not mutually exclusive. Some of the insane stuff people say they have had to do (30 hours of nonstop coding and so on) ... I am not sure all of that is required for success. Hard work, yes, many sacrifices, yes, but we can get a lot done in a 50 hour focused work-week, and we don't have to sacrifice all normal human relationships (parents, spouses, kids, friendships...) to build a company. What would be the point of that?
Yes, of course, if I had set a goal that we had to exit in 4 years it would have been a different story.