They generally have limited or no influence on custody determinations; in other words, you can’t have a prenup that guarantees joint physical and legal custody or prevents a protracted family law case.
And the other lesser known fact is that prenups themselves can be challenged (and sometimes overturned).
Basically, if there is a will and the funds to litigate, there’s not much the other party can do do prevent this from happening. It will require time, money, expertise, patience and the ability to compromise (even with highly conflicting opinions) to eventually make it out on the other side.
So what can any of us do to avoid this fate without giving up entirely on marriage or kids?
1. Know yourself (at least a little bit) before jumping into marriage and kids. Develop your “whys”, principles and values.
2. Ensure you and your spouse are familiar with the processes and realities of the family law systems. Not just the horror stories but the underlying history, structure and reasons for its design and function.
3. Talk through with your prospective partner about values, goals, responsibilities, wealth, family, parenting, divorce; talk through different scenarios and try to get on the same page about the key components.
(Tip: if you can’t agree or compromise even before marriage and kids, it doesn’t bode well!)
Sigh. So much to say here, but most folks have no interest in the subject until it’s too late. Education on this topic should at least be a prerequisite for getting a marriage license! :)
Just want to add here that family court comes into play anytime there are underage children involved, irrespective of whether the parents are married or not (in most states).
So not getting married provides no protection from being involved in those same, potentially endless, ongoing family court cases.
They generally have limited or no influence on custody determinations; in other words, you can’t have a prenup that guarantees joint physical and legal custody or prevents a protracted family law case.
And the other lesser known fact is that prenups themselves can be challenged (and sometimes overturned).
Basically, if there is a will and the funds to litigate, there’s not much the other party can do do prevent this from happening. It will require time, money, expertise, patience and the ability to compromise (even with highly conflicting opinions) to eventually make it out on the other side.
So what can any of us do to avoid this fate without giving up entirely on marriage or kids?
1. Know yourself (at least a little bit) before jumping into marriage and kids. Develop your “whys”, principles and values.
2. Ensure you and your spouse are familiar with the processes and realities of the family law systems. Not just the horror stories but the underlying history, structure and reasons for its design and function.
3. Talk through with your prospective partner about values, goals, responsibilities, wealth, family, parenting, divorce; talk through different scenarios and try to get on the same page about the key components. (Tip: if you can’t agree or compromise even before marriage and kids, it doesn’t bode well!)
Sigh. So much to say here, but most folks have no interest in the subject until it’s too late. Education on this topic should at least be a prerequisite for getting a marriage license! :)