Thanks. I suppose I am being a bit too vague over all;
In terms of what it is I've grown paranoid about, it's mostly subjectively / paranoid-ly that I said 'everything'. Resolving that was a major goal I had for trying to write personal journals about this.
The other side of that is the more personal: I've lost basically all of my friends, and struggle to talk to my parents. While my emotional issues are getting in the way of trying to write out what I've grown fearful of, I also don't really know how to get in contact with anyone. That was where this post sounded relevant to me.
Moving on from a rank paranoia via internet might require first rebuilding my personal / social life somewhat, so I have something to fall back on. And doing so is blocked by that very paranoia and emotional issues. Catch-22. Being terminally online as I am, may be a help or a hindrance to trying to escape that.
I don't know if HN is a good place for personal advice like this;
I have grown severely paranoid about what has happened around social media. I watched.. a conversation unfold in 2012. I thought at the time that I needed to de-escalate it. It kept escalating as I kept looking for a way to talk to the people involved. And, to my own perception, it grew into and took over the entire 'national conversation' that was happening here in the years that followed. I now have panic attacks whenever I see the words / phrases / jargon / ideas I watched form 'here'. I often have severe enough psychological issues that I just disconnect from everything and repeat the question "who are you people" to myself. Especially as my suspicions of what it was that had spread from that day in 2012 grew to... everything people say/think/do.
I'm not sure what way I could move forward. I've been trying, with minimal success, to write down in long form what I saw happen. I've largely lost the emotional wherewithal for it. I tried reaching out to old friends for advice, which shows I've lost contact with everyone enough that I can't. I was terminally online before this all happened, and don't really know how to meet people away from here. Or if I would find the same things, and shut down again. I do know that my paranoia extends to people I see in real life. The past 1 year has pushed me into a constant fear of everyone, online and off.
Not sure if getting away from the internet would help now.
In terms of what it is I've grown paranoid about, it's mostly subjectively / paranoid-ly that I said 'everything'. Resolving that was a major goal I had for trying to write personal journals about this.
The other side of that is the more personal: I've lost basically all of my friends, and struggle to talk to my parents. While my emotional issues are getting in the way of trying to write out what I've grown fearful of, I also don't really know how to get in contact with anyone. That was where this post sounded relevant to me.
Moving on from a rank paranoia via internet might require first rebuilding my personal / social life somewhat, so I have something to fall back on. And doing so is blocked by that very paranoia and emotional issues. Catch-22. Being terminally online as I am, may be a help or a hindrance to trying to escape that.