urbankris · HackerTrans

4 lata temudiscuss

I'm glad my response was helpful in some way! And yeah, if it just doesn't land for you that's fine. :) To be honest, poetry kind of grew on me over time.

In a way I find poetry much more similar to music than to literature in the effect it has and how I perceive it.

Just wanted to add this reading of that poem. I find it brings it to life more. Not saying it's going to make you like it, but I think it can be more effective than just reading it. (Some would very much disagree with that though... including Eliot I think :D )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adNOs1izBls

urbankris

4 lata temudiscuss

I don't think I can, unfortunately :) It's really a subjective evaluation, but I viscerally find GPT3's output here miles less interesting than Eliot. It needs to have some layers... or at least the appearance of having layers. Unexpected combinations of expressions and words.. yet unexpected in a way that they don't seem forced. It shouldn't be just rearranged prose. And it has to have a certain flow... when there isn't flow it has to be deliberate.

You can still like whatever poetry you like, I'm just telling you personal reaction. And even though I use some pretty loaded words like "trivial/banal", it's just how I'd describe my reaction. Not meant to be authoritative.

These lines by GPT3:

  Let us go, through half-forgotten doorways,
  To places we have never been before.
  Let us explore the unknown, and find our way
  To a place of peace and joy, and never stray.
  Let us find a place of solace, and stay
  Where we can be ourselves, and never fear.

The first line has potential. The second one feels slightly worse, but it could still be fine depending on what comes next. Even the 3rd is still ok.. "explore the unknown" is a bit in a the danger zone, but it could easily be continued with something that completely justifies it.

Now this:

  and find our way
  To a place of peace and joy, and never stray.

I don't know, that just feels like a disappointing continuation. There's nothing unexpected about it, and it's an unoriginal sentiment said in a unoriginal way. It can be one or the other, but being both kills it for me. "peace and joy, and never stray" sounds like a forced rhyme and is a bit too saccharine without justification. And there just isn't much there.

  Let us find a place of solace, and stay
  Where we can be ourselves, and never fear.

The first line here is just reiterating, more or less, the previous line. Still boring. Nothing that would jolt you to attention. "Where we can be ourselves, and never fear" is more of the same, just even more unoriginal. "Be yourself" needs to have a lot more around it and be more cleverly woven into context to make it a good poem, IMO.

The rest of the poem just goes on in the same vein. Culminating in:

  Let us find a place of contentment, and be
  Forever happy, and never leave.

"Lets go somewhere nice and be ourselves and happy" said with a lot of generic ways.

As to your point:

  To address your criticism: To be relatable poetry must be cliched, as it is about the human 
  experience. That is as cliche as it gets: it is about things everyone knows.

A poem can be about relatable things, I just thing it has to be crafted with more care than the GPT3 poem I posted appears to be. Again, this is mostly me rationalising my reaction... that is to say, I'm trying to put into words what is mostly an intuitive reaction.

This is the original poem:

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/44212/...

Tell me how you think it compares.

urbankris

4 lata temudiscuss

The problem is that it's so damn blunt. It just gets to the point, where a human writer would usually be more subtle and slow-paced.

urbankris

4 lata temudiscuss

I still writes very banal poetry though. I gave it the first 3 lines of a T.S.Eliot poem and it spits out very cliched, trivial poetry.

  Let us go then, you and I,
  When the evening is spread out against the sky
  Like a patient etherized upon a table;
  Let us go, through half-forgotten doorways,
  To places we have never been before.
  Let us explore the unknown, and find our way
  To a place of peace and joy, and never stray.
  Let us find a place of solace, and stay
  Where we can be ourselves, and never fear.
  Let us find a place of comfort, and share
  The love that we have found, and never part.
  Let us find a place of beauty, and bask
  In the warmth of the sun, and never ask.
  Let us find a place of harmony, and sing
  The songs of our hearts, and never tire.
  Let us find a place of contentment, and be
  Forever happy, and never leave.

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