Ask HN: Tips for handling chronic stess?
62 comments
- Early to bed, at least 7h of sleep
- Daily 60-90min workout first thing in the morning
- One day every ~14 days without Internet
- Turn off inbound info streams as much as possible
- Write down the three most important things of the day on a piece of paper
- Get rid off any to-do list if possible
- Get a hobby that involves working with your hands
- 15min walk after lunch
- Make room for an hour of fun, low mental-load every day
- Check your diet; Get enough fat in the morning, protein for lunch, carbs in the evening
- Supps to try: Tyrosine, KSM-66, Tryptophane, Phosphatidylserine
- Daily 60-90min workout first thing in the morning
- One day every ~14 days without Internet
- Turn off inbound info streams as much as possible
- Write down the three most important things of the day on a piece of paper
- Get rid off any to-do list if possible
- Get a hobby that involves working with your hands
- 15min walk after lunch
- Make room for an hour of fun, low mental-load every day
- Check your diet; Get enough fat in the morning, protein for lunch, carbs in the evening
- Supps to try: Tyrosine, KSM-66, Tryptophane, Phosphatidylserine
carbs in the evening?! I would say for breakfast mainly or until lunch time.
Not if you want to get better sleep
Thankfully I don’t have trouble sleeping. I can’t imagine how miserable I’d be otherwise.
Are you sure you actually sleep well? Not trying to wind you up but usually if people sleep well they can handle stress much better - sleep builds resilience for us. I'd try a "good" sleep tracker if you don't already have one to see how performant your sleep actually is. If your sleep _is_ good then I would focus on improving resilience through meditation, exercise and mindfulness (live in the moment, recognise you cannot control some situations etc). Cheers
I agree. I typically do carbs in the morning to absorb whatever caffeine I take in. It helps with managing stomach acid.
Muscle relaxation exercises can be very helpful. Doesn't need to take long (after doing it for a while). Can be customized to the situation and target your 'problem areas'.
"Learning to systematically relax the muscles in your body will keep you better equipped to deal with your day to day challenges."
https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-to-do-muscle-relaxation-e...
"Learning to systematically relax the muscles in your body will keep you better equipped to deal with your day to day challenges."
https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-to-do-muscle-relaxation-e...
Yeah? I came straight here because the top results I saw were recommending stuff like Tai Chi. Not that there’s anything wrong with exercising, yoga, or the like, it just doesn’t feel like a physical problem. I will try walking, but I still think it might be more of a mental issue.
There's barely any separation between physical and mental in this way. If you persist with mental issues without fixing them, you will get physical problems. If you're doing really well physically, it will to some extent assist with your mental health.
That said, you can always do both :)
That said, you can always do both :)
Sounds good to me. Will do.
You might look into talking walks in a local forest preserve if you have one nearby. There's a name for this as it applies to relieving stress, "Forest Bathing" which is based on the Japanese practice of "shinrin-yoku".
I started doing this back in the mid `80s in Los Angeles because I was stressed something awful. I can say it does work for me and I noticed it right away. That was long before I heard about shinrin-yoku.
When I started doing this I would look for a good place with lots of trees and fresh air, a creek or stream was always good, and I'd pack a small day bag with water and some snacks, a beer and a bud, and go meander around. I'd find a secluded spot to sit and relax for a spell and maybe explore some more or just stay put and soak it in. If you sit still for awhile the forest critters start coming out and doing what they do and it can be a pretty relaxing thing to just sit there and do nothing but observe that.
Here's a link to an article about shinrin-yoku. I'm sure there are quite a few articles about it to be found and I just picked one that seemed to fit the bill. Some of them I've read include some reasoning for how and why this works. All I can say is it worked for me and still does: https://www.rei.com/blog/hike/theres-no-running-in-forest-ba...
I started doing this back in the mid `80s in Los Angeles because I was stressed something awful. I can say it does work for me and I noticed it right away. That was long before I heard about shinrin-yoku.
When I started doing this I would look for a good place with lots of trees and fresh air, a creek or stream was always good, and I'd pack a small day bag with water and some snacks, a beer and a bud, and go meander around. I'd find a secluded spot to sit and relax for a spell and maybe explore some more or just stay put and soak it in. If you sit still for awhile the forest critters start coming out and doing what they do and it can be a pretty relaxing thing to just sit there and do nothing but observe that.
Here's a link to an article about shinrin-yoku. I'm sure there are quite a few articles about it to be found and I just picked one that seemed to fit the bill. Some of them I've read include some reasoning for how and why this works. All I can say is it worked for me and still does: https://www.rei.com/blog/hike/theres-no-running-in-forest-ba...
This reminds me of a time I sat outside a cabin in Big Bear looking at the snowy mountain range. It was crazy how vast and white it was. Maybe I just need to go outside.
We, as a society, are bombarded with things that are distressing and the past year has been just over the top with stressful noise.
I made a point to get outside and away from the constant stress I was experiencing back in the `80s. I was lucky to live near Malibu Creek St Park when it first opened. The first few years almost no one went there and in the winter and early spring it was green and lush and the creek was running and for the most part I had it all to myself.
I noticed right away how much better I felt after spending even just a few hours there. It let me get rid of the grinding tenseness and truly calm down and relax. It was so noticeable that at first I kind of felt guilty afterwards for taking time for myself. But then I realized there was more to it than that. It's not just mental, it's a very physical difference in how you feel. It's replenishing something that's lacking physically. That's the best way I can describe it.
I made a point to get outside and away from the constant stress I was experiencing back in the `80s. I was lucky to live near Malibu Creek St Park when it first opened. The first few years almost no one went there and in the winter and early spring it was green and lush and the creek was running and for the most part I had it all to myself.
I noticed right away how much better I felt after spending even just a few hours there. It let me get rid of the grinding tenseness and truly calm down and relax. It was so noticeable that at first I kind of felt guilty afterwards for taking time for myself. But then I realized there was more to it than that. It's not just mental, it's a very physical difference in how you feel. It's replenishing something that's lacking physically. That's the best way I can describe it.
Awesome. I'm in San Diego and it's almost always nice out. I'm about to head out and get to it now that I'm done replying to everyone's tips. Thanks!
> Should I just play through the pain?
If your body gives you signals it is at or over capacity it is generally a good idea to listen.
I was in a similar situation in April 2020, I first thought I could get by by reducing client projects to just one so I could "power through" the summer. Using weed after hard days to stop my head from spinning so I could sleep. The result was that by September I was in a way worse situation than April. I took a break for 6 months, just started working part-time again a few weeks ago and I'm still struggling to adapt.
Playing through the pain is fine for short bursts. But a human body and mind has limits and can only be pushed so far. I'm always happy to talk for 30-60 minutes in a video call about these kinds of issues if you want to. (I know being able to talk to others with similar issues was really helpful to me)
If your body gives you signals it is at or over capacity it is generally a good idea to listen.
I was in a similar situation in April 2020, I first thought I could get by by reducing client projects to just one so I could "power through" the summer. Using weed after hard days to stop my head from spinning so I could sleep. The result was that by September I was in a way worse situation than April. I took a break for 6 months, just started working part-time again a few weeks ago and I'm still struggling to adapt.
Playing through the pain is fine for short bursts. But a human body and mind has limits and can only be pushed so far. I'm always happy to talk for 30-60 minutes in a video call about these kinds of issues if you want to. (I know being able to talk to others with similar issues was really helpful to me)
The signals I get are weird. Sometimes I feel guilty for not getting enough work done so I compensate by doing chores or other low-priority things.
I’m going to try my best to power through. Mostly because I think I can get through it, but also for financial reasons. I might DM you about that call if I remember tomorrow. I’ve been honest about what I’m going through when I talk to friends, but none seem to understand what it’s like. I really appreciate the offer.
I’m going to try my best to power through. Mostly because I think I can get through it, but also for financial reasons. I might DM you about that call if I remember tomorrow. I’ve been honest about what I’m going through when I talk to friends, but none seem to understand what it’s like. I really appreciate the offer.
No pressure, I just want to let you know the option is there if you want it (and that counts for other HN users as well). Contact details are in my profile.
I recognize the guilt feelings. Be careful of vicious cycles related to this. For me feeling guilty about not being productive or honoring commitments was a huge factor in not being able to sleep. And not being able to sleep well impacted productivity the next day, leading to more guilt feelings and less sleep. At some point social activity can be impacted as well leading to isolation.
I recognize the guilt feelings. Be careful of vicious cycles related to this. For me feeling guilty about not being productive or honoring commitments was a huge factor in not being able to sleep. And not being able to sleep well impacted productivity the next day, leading to more guilt feelings and less sleep. At some point social activity can be impacted as well leading to isolation.
Totally. It's a negative feedback loop. I need an efficient circuit breaker and the only thing I can really think of is Nike's "just do it." Why is it so hard? Feels like I'm hitting a wall. I've watched this video several times https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo08uS904Rg and it helped me understand what part of the problem was, but it's still been hard getting things going. It might be an inspiration problem. I'm not proud of it, but during this lull I bought Animal Crossing on a whim and logged 200 hours in a month. I was able to wake up early, be super productive in that game with no caffeine and little food. I don't understand.
Funny that you linked that specific video. That video and the concept of the Wall of Awful is something I use a lot when trying to explain my situation to others.
It sounds like motivating yourself to do something you have to do is hard (work), while something you want to do is easy (animal crossing).
It might be helpful to take some time to just sit and reflect on why you’re having trouble starting work. Write down the things that you’re worried about. The bricks in your wall of awful. Write down what you liked about animal crossing, why you spent so much time on it. And notice the differences between both. Is it interest? Challenge? Freedom? External pressure?
It sounds like motivating yourself to do something you have to do is hard (work), while something you want to do is easy (animal crossing).
It might be helpful to take some time to just sit and reflect on why you’re having trouble starting work. Write down the things that you’re worried about. The bricks in your wall of awful. Write down what you liked about animal crossing, why you spent so much time on it. And notice the differences between both. Is it interest? Challenge? Freedom? External pressure?
Definitely will focus on this tomorrow. I always thought video games were addicting because of the bright lights and pleasant sounds you get from meeting a clearly laid out objective.I remember when I first started coding I went on a similar manic episode. Might be the lack of fulfillment and not doing a great job defining goals/milestones. Oh well, I'll figure it out soon enough. I hope you reach the level of productivity you're aiming for. Thanks to you and everyone else here I feel like I'm on the right track.
I'd recommend cardio workouts with stretching/cooldown routine, for example, Fitness Blender on youtube. Also, for me it helped to understand that relaxation in some circumstances can be an active engagement action where you have to "remind your muscles to relax". marban's comment seems on point to me, too.
I have been getting up at the desk more often and working with the dumbbell I keep nearby. It has definitely helped. I’ll try doubling down.
I shake my feet and repeat the same sentence over and over in my head until I fall asleep. It’s the only form of meditation that overwhelms my bullshit thoughts.
Funnily enough this resonates with me a lot. I definitely suffer from overthinking. This one time I saw a pregnant woman get pepper sprayed during the HK protests on Reddit and was so mad I couldn’t sleep till 3 am. I’m not Chinese and I know there’s nothing significant I can do about what happened, but things like that stick with me for way too long. Long enough for me to bring it up now and I don’t know how to handle it sometimes.
What does the feet shaking do for you?
What does the feet shaking do for you?
There’s some good advice here on sleep, exercise etc. which is likely to start being helpful straight away. The impact of exercise can be especially quick.
But for me starting therapy provided a way to address the reasons behind the chronic stress in the first place. For example, it might be worth asking yourself why you feel guilt when you take time to rest.
But for me starting therapy provided a way to address the reasons behind the chronic stress in the first place. For example, it might be worth asking yourself why you feel guilt when you take time to rest.
I used to not believe in therapy because of the two sessions I had in the past, but it has started to sound like the way to go when I realized they were probably just bad therapists. I did reach out to a psychotherapist I know. Unfortunately, it’s a conflict of interest or something because I know her? I gave up after that, but will definitely go that route if things get worse or I come across someone reputable.
EDIT: Am I supposed to add this edit section on HN? I forgot to mention why I think I feel guilt. I think it’s because I’m not hitting my timeline and there’s no money coming in. The lack of income is by choice though. I wanted to build out and polish a product I know clients will pay for, but it’s not coming together fast enough. So taking time off when I’m “behind” just feels terrible.
EDIT: Am I supposed to add this edit section on HN? I forgot to mention why I think I feel guilt. I think it’s because I’m not hitting my timeline and there’s no money coming in. The lack of income is by choice though. I wanted to build out and polish a product I know clients will pay for, but it’s not coming together fast enough. So taking time off when I’m “behind” just feels terrible.
Never mind, learned that there's a time limit for editing.
I recently had a stressful job last year in an environment where I had no control: COVID plus military deployment. My blood pressure dropped 40 points once I left that job. Here are things that helped me and my staff:
* See a mental health professional
* Exercise
* Eat healthy (I was failing here and stress eating thereby making things worse)
* Social reinforcement. Have friends offline to talk things through
* Spend time on things of interest and be productive
* See a mental health professional
* Exercise
* Eat healthy (I was failing here and stress eating thereby making things worse)
* Social reinforcement. Have friends offline to talk things through
* Spend time on things of interest and be productive
I am keeping busy, so i got that going for me. I do wish I had more driven people around me to vibe with. How important is blood pressure?
Blood pressure is the medical measure of your cardiovascular health. This is the ultimate indicator of your health and whether stress or mental health concerns are impacting your physical health.
Three most important things for reducing stress:
1. Sleep
2. Diet
3. Resilience
You can improve them with the below:
* Start monitoring your heart rate variability (HRV). You can use HRV to help you understand the triggers for your stress. There’s loads of articles on the web about it. I monitor HRV through the night with Oura ring. Low usually means you are stressed or not recovered.
* Try to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time every day. This is incredibly important and really works.
* If you struggle sleeping, use blue light blocking glasses and try to not use screens which emit blue light after sundown. Also try to get exposure to morning light everyday.
* Don’t eat at least 3 hours before bed!!
* Have your last alcoholic drink 3-4 hours before bed. Don’t drink a lot or cut it out entirely.
* Ensure you remain hydrated throughout the day
* If you can, take cold showers
* Try to meditate for 10-15 mins a day
* Make sure you start relaxing a few hours before bed
* Very important: Try to only eat whole foods. No sugar. No refined carbs. Lots of vegetables. Food has a massive impact on stress levels.
* Eating food you are intolerant to will increase your stress levels. Keep a rough diary of what you eat. If something makes you feel a bit off then make a note and try to narrow down what good it was. Once you know what it is... stop eating that food. You can gradually reintroduce with experiments.
* Exercise is good for stress reduction and resilience. Go running or cycling but.... This is very important: you NEED to monitor your heart rate. If you are not fit or new to exercise then you don’t want to go over 140 bpm. Eg I’ve been running since I was 10 and 80% of my runs are done at 145bpm. I rarely go over 170 bpm because it stresses the body a lot. If you are out of breath then you need to stop or walk. If you keep doing this you will get faster as the same HR (if you care!).
* Don’t read or watch the news.
* Go and sit in a park. Green spaces like parks help to reduce stress. Good luck dude!
You can improve them with the below:
* Start monitoring your heart rate variability (HRV). You can use HRV to help you understand the triggers for your stress. There’s loads of articles on the web about it. I monitor HRV through the night with Oura ring. Low usually means you are stressed or not recovered.
* Try to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time every day. This is incredibly important and really works.
* If you struggle sleeping, use blue light blocking glasses and try to not use screens which emit blue light after sundown. Also try to get exposure to morning light everyday.
* Don’t eat at least 3 hours before bed!!
* Have your last alcoholic drink 3-4 hours before bed. Don’t drink a lot or cut it out entirely.
* Ensure you remain hydrated throughout the day
* If you can, take cold showers
* Try to meditate for 10-15 mins a day
* Make sure you start relaxing a few hours before bed
* Very important: Try to only eat whole foods. No sugar. No refined carbs. Lots of vegetables. Food has a massive impact on stress levels.
* Eating food you are intolerant to will increase your stress levels. Keep a rough diary of what you eat. If something makes you feel a bit off then make a note and try to narrow down what good it was. Once you know what it is... stop eating that food. You can gradually reintroduce with experiments.
* Exercise is good for stress reduction and resilience. Go running or cycling but.... This is very important: you NEED to monitor your heart rate. If you are not fit or new to exercise then you don’t want to go over 140 bpm. Eg I’ve been running since I was 10 and 80% of my runs are done at 145bpm. I rarely go over 170 bpm because it stresses the body a lot. If you are out of breath then you need to stop or walk. If you keep doing this you will get faster as the same HR (if you care!).
* Don’t read or watch the news.
* Go and sit in a park. Green spaces like parks help to reduce stress. Good luck dude!
According to your list I'm on the right track. So that's reassuring.
Monitoring heart rate is new though. What do I do once I notice it rising? Try to calm down?
Monitoring heart rate is new though. What do I do once I notice it rising? Try to calm down?
Ah good stuff! Ok so this is heart rate variability. It’s a measure of the time in milliseconds between each heart beat interval and is a good indicator for measuring stress - mental or physical - on the body.
HRV is influenced by the autonomic nervous system which has two elements; parasympathetic and sympathetic.
Parasympathetic controls the “rest and digest” side of things and sympathetic controls “flight or fight”. If you are stressed then your sympathetic system is overly engaged and this manifests as a low HRV.
If I overtrain then I get a low HRV because the sympathetic system is overly engaged. Work stress and other things like poor diet will negatively impact HRV. On the other hand, rest, meditation and relaxation will cause it to increase as you engage the parasympathetic system.
A high HRV is indicative of readiness to deal with whatever is thrown at you and you can think of it as resilience which you can build (or lose) over time.
It’s a fairly personal measure and it’s generally not necessary to compare with other people as everyone is different and because many factors affect HRV but what you want to look for are trends in HRV. Upwards means you are recovering/de-stressing. Downwards trend is the opposite.
How do you measure it? Most wearables allow you to measure it. I have a garmin watch which can. Apple Watch also can do it. Most accurate approach would be to use a heart rate strap but that’s probably overkill.
Measure your HRV in the morning at the same time in the same position. After a week of readings you’ll get a baseline and can see how things change from there.
It really is a useful thing to track HRV because your body deals with a lot of daily stress and sometimes you are just not aware of it because it feels like normal or the signals are difficult to interpret.
Good luck!
HRV is influenced by the autonomic nervous system which has two elements; parasympathetic and sympathetic.
Parasympathetic controls the “rest and digest” side of things and sympathetic controls “flight or fight”. If you are stressed then your sympathetic system is overly engaged and this manifests as a low HRV.
If I overtrain then I get a low HRV because the sympathetic system is overly engaged. Work stress and other things like poor diet will negatively impact HRV. On the other hand, rest, meditation and relaxation will cause it to increase as you engage the parasympathetic system.
A high HRV is indicative of readiness to deal with whatever is thrown at you and you can think of it as resilience which you can build (or lose) over time.
It’s a fairly personal measure and it’s generally not necessary to compare with other people as everyone is different and because many factors affect HRV but what you want to look for are trends in HRV. Upwards means you are recovering/de-stressing. Downwards trend is the opposite.
How do you measure it? Most wearables allow you to measure it. I have a garmin watch which can. Apple Watch also can do it. Most accurate approach would be to use a heart rate strap but that’s probably overkill.
Measure your HRV in the morning at the same time in the same position. After a week of readings you’ll get a baseline and can see how things change from there.
It really is a useful thing to track HRV because your body deals with a lot of daily stress and sometimes you are just not aware of it because it feels like normal or the signals are difficult to interpret.
Good luck!
Very informative. I got an Oura ring on the way because someone else recommended it here, so I should be able to get some data points soon. I was thinking about the relationship between stress and performance on my walk today. Isn't stress necessary to get better performance/results? For example, the stress of beating your mile time by one second. Is there good and bad stress? I'm seeing some hits on google, but I'm wondering if you have any insights on this. I took the week off like others have suggested and that has definitely helped with the stress, but I feel that being this relaxed is making it difficult to get into the zone.
no worries dude. Ah great, I'm sure you'll find the Oura ring really useful to lead a balanced lifestyle. You are right, _managed_ stress - or, exercise - is necessary to improve fitness and resilience. I guess the trick is to stress your body enough to elicit improvements but not too much so that you end up in a chronic stress situation through over-training. E.g. I over trained last week and my HRV crashed the start of this week. I need to rest for 3-4 days, to get it back to baseline. If I continued to train I'd veer further into over-training territory and be more susceptible to illness, injury, become more irritable, less patient, etc.
If you want to learn more about HRV, the Whoop Blog [1] and Whoop podcasts [2] are great resources.
[1] https://www.whoop.com/thelocker/
[2] https://www.whoop.com/thelocker/whoop-podcast-all-episodes/
If you want to learn more about HRV, the Whoop Blog [1] and Whoop podcasts [2] are great resources.
[1] https://www.whoop.com/thelocker/
[2] https://www.whoop.com/thelocker/whoop-podcast-all-episodes/
Leftfield, but I recommend a book “the rock warrior’s way”. It is about mental training for climbers... which is all about facing uncontrollably hard, unpredictable and potentially dangerous situations, and thriving in them.
As well as other suggestions in this thread, some that the book might suggest would include:
- embrace what you cannot control. You cannot control it any more for mentally grappling with it. Instead, build a mindset of being OK living with adversity.
- think of your life as choices, not responses to unavoidable. Sure, life forces us to do things. But really we do have choices, just we don’t like them. You could quit your job and do nothing, and run out of money. It’s not life forcing you to work, it’s you choosing to be employed. You’re choosing the best option for you, not the only one.
- learn to recognise the fight or flight instinct. It is rarely a good advisor, and with training, you can see through it. Quite often things are not as bleak as our mind paints it.
- build goals that you achievable in your current adversity. Make it about something you learn, about yourself or the world or your area of expertise etc. It makes the problem be on your terms, with achievable success, and not indentured slavery.
I know it sounds a bit like magical thinking, but I confirm it works, for both life and climbing.
As well as other suggestions in this thread, some that the book might suggest would include:
- embrace what you cannot control. You cannot control it any more for mentally grappling with it. Instead, build a mindset of being OK living with adversity.
- think of your life as choices, not responses to unavoidable. Sure, life forces us to do things. But really we do have choices, just we don’t like them. You could quit your job and do nothing, and run out of money. It’s not life forcing you to work, it’s you choosing to be employed. You’re choosing the best option for you, not the only one.
- learn to recognise the fight or flight instinct. It is rarely a good advisor, and with training, you can see through it. Quite often things are not as bleak as our mind paints it.
- build goals that you achievable in your current adversity. Make it about something you learn, about yourself or the world or your area of expertise etc. It makes the problem be on your terms, with achievable success, and not indentured slavery.
I know it sounds a bit like magical thinking, but I confirm it works, for both life and climbing.
Thank you, I'll take a look. When I was younger I used to lean towards Buddhist philosophy and Stoicism. This kind of reminds me of that. As I got older and toxic masculinity became trendy, I started to think that the old way of "it is what it is" and "man up" weren't healthy, but lately I've been thinking that I was better off that way. Things were a lot simpler and instead of dwelling or brooding, I just kept moving forward. I feel sometimes people are better off not knowing the variety of mental illnesses or dysfunctions out there. It's too easy to get into the trap of "is there something wrong with me?" Even when there is something a little bit off, the time agonizing about it can be a waste of time especially if there's nothing that can be done about it.
[deleted]
Antidepressants. Venlafaxine is quite good - there are no initial side effects. You might try a herb - St. John’s Wort but for me, it wasn't strong enough. Lifestyle changes can help but sometimes they aren't enough.
I'm going to try to push this towards the back of the list because I don't have health insurance... I was on antidepressants when I was severely injured and I do remember being in a fairly good mood in the months I stayed in the hospital despite my circumstances. I encourage anyone reading this in the future to consider this as a viable option.
Have you ever had a couple of sleepless nights in a row? Do you remember how tired, unproductive you were? In that state, would you rather exercise/sunbath/eat healthier/...? No, you would go sleep. The next day, you'll feel much better and then you would apply all those good advice.
It is neither good nor bad that you need to rest (mentally or physically), it's just how your body and mind function. Blaming yourself, adding judgement in this won't help, quite the contrary. Sometimes we have energy and we go forward, sometimes we're all stressed out, not feeling well, tired, you name it, and we need to rest. We all have theses cycles, only their duration and intensity varies for each person and it's totally okay. You are legitimate in needing some time off to feel better, the sooner you take some the sooner you'll be able to function again.
Don't put rigor and severity in this but rather self love. Have empathy for yourself in the same way you would if you saw a child in this condition. That's for the immediate term, but in the long run there's no better advice than to see a mental health professional. No book, no youtube video, no HN comment will equal the benefits of professional accompaniment.
Edit: resting can take many shapes. Sleeping, temporarily isolating yourself from your family, practicing an activity you enjoy, traveling, etc. Authorize yourself to do what you want to do without any "I should" / "I shouldn't" judgement.
It is neither good nor bad that you need to rest (mentally or physically), it's just how your body and mind function. Blaming yourself, adding judgement in this won't help, quite the contrary. Sometimes we have energy and we go forward, sometimes we're all stressed out, not feeling well, tired, you name it, and we need to rest. We all have theses cycles, only their duration and intensity varies for each person and it's totally okay. You are legitimate in needing some time off to feel better, the sooner you take some the sooner you'll be able to function again.
Don't put rigor and severity in this but rather self love. Have empathy for yourself in the same way you would if you saw a child in this condition. That's for the immediate term, but in the long run there's no better advice than to see a mental health professional. No book, no youtube video, no HN comment will equal the benefits of professional accompaniment.
Edit: resting can take many shapes. Sleeping, temporarily isolating yourself from your family, practicing an activity you enjoy, traveling, etc. Authorize yourself to do what you want to do without any "I should" / "I shouldn't" judgement.
Out of all the things this is going to be the most difficult to do. I'll try. It's just so hard to feel like I deserve it. I'll just have to accept that taking legitimate leisure time is part of the job. Thank you.
if you are eating any hard stuff such as coffee, sugar, nicotine, social networks, news - stop. than, when mind will be more clear, do no do work you are not payed. if you do not know if you will be payed, ask responsible person if you should do some part of work or not, or assume it was not explicitly asked means not needed.
in free time you have do yoga, training, walks, meditations, talk to people(relatives, friends).
I'm lucky enough to not be glued to social media. Sugar is definitely on the higher side. I'll add it to the list. Thank you.
Replace coffee with black tea. Replace black tea with green, oolong or white tea. Teas with l-theanine in them, such as longjing, are my new superfood that I share with people. Longjing green tea isn't cheap, but it's worth the cost. It's calming and energizing. Silk road tea is one of my trusted sources.
Zero alcohol consumption. Alcohol dehydrates and depresses.
Zero alcohol consumption. Alcohol dehydrates and depresses.
Been drinking more green tea and have been cutting out a lot of the alcohol. I'll try cutting it completely for a month. Thank you.
I have had to deal with this. Resetting expectations with health issues, family and personal challenges and growth, finance, unemployment, etc. Huge keys are honesty with self and others, kindness (the whole true Golden Rule), prioritizing and solving problems one at a time, not giving up, etc. (Edit: others here also have some ideas that can be helpful -- like maintaining good health practices, etc.)
Still, for me, and I think after a certain point for anyone, there are big some prerequisites, or the good conventional wisdom can break down and be insufficient. Prerequisites including things like like having balance and purpose in life, and a perspective and way of knowing that things will be OK in the long run, that hard things are OK for now, where to find help and solutions, and endure well through the unsolved (for now) things, how & why. I've written much more elsewhere (see profile; nothing for sale but can try answering qs). It is hard, possible for anyone one step at a time, and worth it.
Still, for me, and I think after a certain point for anyone, there are big some prerequisites, or the good conventional wisdom can break down and be insufficient. Prerequisites including things like like having balance and purpose in life, and a perspective and way of knowing that things will be OK in the long run, that hard things are OK for now, where to find help and solutions, and endure well through the unsolved (for now) things, how & why. I've written much more elsewhere (see profile; nothing for sale but can try answering qs). It is hard, possible for anyone one step at a time, and worth it.
A friend recommended "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It" when I came to him about this. The kindness to self part was definitely an issue for me. I was not nearly as zealous as the author, but it did teach me to cut myself some slack. I have been doing all the conventional wisdom stuff like light exercise, eating better, etc. and they are working a little, but you're right. It doesn't feel like it's enough and that's why I came here. I'm going to go take a long walk and rethink what I really want and be honest with myself about whether it's realistic. Thank you.
I think what many really want is joy -- happiness in things that last, and expectation that one's direction is worthwhile for reasons that are both real and good. (Some unselfishness is usually involved.) I hope you find it, and I think you will, sooner or later. (Again, happy to discuss any time.)
ps: If anything I can do or write is useful, I'm very glad. I feel like I have found the tools that bring joy, and the means to step through the problems that are part of life, while being pointed in the right direction and growing, learning. I'm very grateful. It's a long road but really good.
Therapy, especially CBT
Part of my urgency to get things done is so I can afford the time and money to consider therapy. It's funny that by the time I can afford it, I'll probably have already solved my issue. Aww man, I made myself sad.
It gets better with age, because, over time, things you worry about actually happen (and other disasters you couldn't imagine too ;) ) and the world doesn't end. "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". e:g losing your job , this sometimes can be in the long-term a great thing to happen. To fight daily stress consider daily (moderate, nothing crazy) exercise such as walking or swimming, as essential. Treat missing that as seriously as missing your main meal. Exercise helps you sleep better. Your friends are probably right you need a vacation. Perhaps without your phone! I think far too many people worry about being productive. What is the definition of being "productive"? To me that doesn't only include paid work, it might include being a good friend to someone and helping them through their own challenges. Who cares how much code you cranked out this month? There's years of life to spend doing that...
Okay, that's reassuring. I'm starting to think I'm trying to do everything too well. I agree with your broader sense of productivity. I'm hitting most of my needs/wants everywhere else. It's mainly my work that seems to lag behind. It might be a combination of putting too many things on my plate and overestimating myself. I got my stress under control this last week thanks to following most of the tips given here. I'll spend this new week focusing on adjusting my expectations and workload to see if that helps. Maybe I've been rushing things.
Ah, I really hope it works out for you :)
Usually, a drink with friends or taking an edible does the trick, but I think this is the first time where nothing seems to be working. My friends say I need a vacation, but I feel like the guilt from not being productive after a long period of being unproductive would only make the stress worse. Should I just play through the pain?