I didn't take my reply down because I didn't mean it, or because I thought it was wrong. I took it down because I felt that I didn't know enough about your life. I was finding multiple aspects of your response grating making it difficult for me to remain non-judgemental. So, I decided it would be better to simply "apologize and move on".
I find your comparison of me with your family to be extremely insulting, as you know nothing about my life.
The mistake I made, which in your eyes makes me as good as a bunch of right-wing misers, was to 1) suggest a key aspect of what my own therapy was based around, and 2) share with you what _I_ found was something useful in improving my "suffering".
However, you decided to take it as yet another sign of how people are judging you (Jon Kabat-Zinn has a lot to say about non-judgementalness too, and that was another key aspect of my therapy), missing the fact that you are judging others, and in particular in the course of this interaction, me.
I do not have the resilience, capacity, or training to deal with such judgements.
I think that you can read my first response in many different ways. You chose one perspective, and perhaps, in the future you may choose to read it in other ways. Apart from that response, in which I gave you what I felt were the most valuable things I had to offer to anyone, I have nothing else to give you.
I'll leave you with a quote from J. Kabat-Zinn's "Full Catastrophe Living":
> Acceptance does not mean that you have to like everything or that you have to take a passive attitude toward everything and abandon your principles and values. It does not mean that you are satisfied with things as they are or that you are resigned to tolerating things as they “have to be.” It does not mean that you should stop trying to break free of your own self-destructive habits or to give up on your desire to change and grow, or that you should tolerate injustice, for instance, or avoid getting involved in changing the world around you because it is the way it is and therefore hopeless.
> Acceptance as we are speaking of it simply means that you have come around to a willingness to see things as they are. This attitude sets the stage for acting appropriately in your life, no matter what is happening. You are much more likely to know what to do and have the inner conviction to act when you have a clear picture of what is actually happening than when your vision is clouded by your mind’s self-serving judgments and desires or its fears and prejudices.
Personal anecdote: was going through a tough time in my life (early 20s), and was hating my major in school, dealing with a failed relationship, feeling like my peers outclassed me in every aspect, etc.
Was suicidal.
Spent some time in mental health facilities (urban Canada, free and open access for citizens). Surprised to see the diversity in the homeless/low-income population (which makes up a significant chunk of the population in mental health facilities). Former aerospace engineers, electrical engineers, teachers...and of course, students (like myself).
My mental health is another story, not relevant to the topic at hand. The mental health facilities where I had to spend time are relevant though: some of them didn't allow devices (privacy concerns for others in the facility), and there was a lot of time to kill. Time was spent ruminating, reading, and writing (yay for the public library). Incredibly productive, in large part because given where I was, I felt so far gone, that I no longer needed to worry about what I was doing/how well I was doing it/what I should be doing, etc.
I had already failed in all those judgements/metrics. Now, nothing to do, but to do.
Coming out of facilities, started to get caught up in old life (getting job offer from internship firm). Could no longer tolerate it. Was ballsy, having just literally faced death, and simply walked out of work. Ballsy because I was literally throwing away my future. How would I earn money?
Ended up bunking with my parents. That's one edge I had even when I was in the mental health facilities. Most of those homeless people I mentioned? Homeless because of lack of family support.
Sat down at home. Reached out to professors doing work in the sort of things I felt genuinely interested in. The rest has been reasonably productive history, with more on the way.
Point of this anecdote: the value of leisure time is something I feel very strongly about. It's what helped liberate me, and I only had it because of privilege (parents). I find it rather sad that there are so many people that disagree with arguments along the lines of "people are motivated by money, if they didn't have to work for money, they wouldn't do anything with their time".
And judgementalism regarding low-income/disabled/homeless individuals. Heard this from a PhD student at uni, when I was telling him about how I always worry I might end up homeless some day: "Don't worry, you won't end up homeless. Everyone here (i.e. including me) is too smart/valuable to end up homeless."
Couldn't help but laugh (internally). Remembered the Russian electrical engineer who gave me an old Russian (Soviet era? not sure) text on linear electrical circuits while I was in CAMH (Toronto). He was a patient there too. I don't think he knew that I couldn't read Russian...
He was homeless, and was helping me pass the time the way he would. I still have that book with me today.
I hope you're all okay, wherever you are. I believe in you, because I believe in the power of the human spirit. We are driven by more than survival.
I find your comparison of me with your family to be extremely insulting, as you know nothing about my life.
The mistake I made, which in your eyes makes me as good as a bunch of right-wing misers, was to 1) suggest a key aspect of what my own therapy was based around, and 2) share with you what _I_ found was something useful in improving my "suffering".
However, you decided to take it as yet another sign of how people are judging you (Jon Kabat-Zinn has a lot to say about non-judgementalness too, and that was another key aspect of my therapy), missing the fact that you are judging others, and in particular in the course of this interaction, me.
I do not have the resilience, capacity, or training to deal with such judgements.
I think that you can read my first response in many different ways. You chose one perspective, and perhaps, in the future you may choose to read it in other ways. Apart from that response, in which I gave you what I felt were the most valuable things I had to offer to anyone, I have nothing else to give you.
I'll leave you with a quote from J. Kabat-Zinn's "Full Catastrophe Living":
> Acceptance does not mean that you have to like everything or that you have to take a passive attitude toward everything and abandon your principles and values. It does not mean that you are satisfied with things as they are or that you are resigned to tolerating things as they “have to be.” It does not mean that you should stop trying to break free of your own self-destructive habits or to give up on your desire to change and grow, or that you should tolerate injustice, for instance, or avoid getting involved in changing the world around you because it is the way it is and therefore hopeless.
> Acceptance as we are speaking of it simply means that you have come around to a willingness to see things as they are. This attitude sets the stage for acting appropriately in your life, no matter what is happening. You are much more likely to know what to do and have the inner conviction to act when you have a clear picture of what is actually happening than when your vision is clouded by your mind’s self-serving judgments and desires or its fears and prejudices.