I worked at a suicide hotline in Canada. The problem with what you are saying is that, as far as I know, there is no unified organism for suicide prevention centers and hotlines in North America (there are associations, but they don't seem to demand a unified process).
This means that, while your experience totally sucked, it can't be generalized. Most people I've talked to from all over the country genuinely want to help. I assume it's the same in the US. But some centers offer very little training, and their legal means probably vary a lot by location.
That said, there is a lot they can do beyond calling an ambulance, but it still comes down to talking and guidance, no one can physically force people to get better, except maybe some institutions (debatable).
Here in Canada the government simply dictates to universities how much they can charge. It seems beyond insane to me to do it any other way, seeing as our entire societies are dependent on getting enough people educated to perpetuate a service economy.
To be fair, this kind of means that universities should be completely public. And although they are for all intents and purposes, in theory they are still non-governmental entities. And that's strange as well.
a) I've never heard anyone say "we're all a little autistic". I think by and large people see autism as a spectrum that you can be on or not.
b) Her idea of how autism is diagnosed is wildly optimistic. It can work for self-diagnosis, ie "no diagnosis", but every psychologist and psychiatrist has a different idea of how to diagnose it. If you don't present repetitive movements, it will likely be very difficult to get a diagnosis.
One of the problems is how the DSM works. To vulgarize, it's a tool to diagnose dysfunctional abnormality. But atypical doesn't mean dysfunctional in the same way as for neurotypical people. And "normal" changes based on culture and context, the very concepts used to describe symptoms will change over time.
I think it's easier for individuals to recognize that they are neurologically atypical, but that's simply not a diagnosis just yet, so they can be misdiagnosed a lot. And there are fads in psychiatry that follow popular culture somewhat, so if yesterday's ADHD is today's autism, the goalposts are moving.
So hey, maybe trying to put a single label on such a complicated spectrum will always be a problem, and we should provide help and resources to people who need it without trying to boil things down to one word.
You make a strong case for software not being engineering. Who should the client trust when every expert has something to sell, is not bound by an ethical code, and has experience that is incommensurable with every other expert's experience? Who are you to the client but another expert with a different solution to sell?
This means that, while your experience totally sucked, it can't be generalized. Most people I've talked to from all over the country genuinely want to help. I assume it's the same in the US. But some centers offer very little training, and their legal means probably vary a lot by location.
That said, there is a lot they can do beyond calling an ambulance, but it still comes down to talking and guidance, no one can physically force people to get better, except maybe some institutions (debatable).