The relationship fell apart, the startup is struggling
I am now playing videogames for 8hours on Friday and Saturday. And this week I am back to browsing cybersex type chats which were out of the picture for 5 years and I thought I kicked the habit. I am not even stimulated by them.
I hope I will deeply understand how useless all this hiding is and get back to social life.
But with ADHD meds you get into this loop.
Also covid messed up the sport my Vilks score dropped from 1370 to maybe 1200 and it’s just soul crushing
I am 37 and no kids, no girlfriend just a semi-failing startup. If not for the parents I think I’d be seriously considering the S-word, but I just can’t to this to them.
I think the problem is that I just don’t really care about myself - I eat only because I am clinging on to gym performance and knowing something is doing damage to my body or my personality doesn’t really matter. We are all just dust. I sometimes envy people who actually put their ego first and care about themselves so much.
Hell I quit smoking only because I wanted to win this girl, the most beautiful one, the queen. And it was a cool challenge to stop smoking so she never knows I did. And now she’s gone and it was a doomed relationship anyways