This is a demo for the new GBA 16-step sequencer STEPPER. It features an intuitive workflow inspired by Elektron instruments with per-trigger parametrization that allows access to the 4 DMG sound channels in the console (2 square waves channels, 1 custom wave channel and 1 noise channel). Supports 4 banks of 8 patterns that can be queued for live performance.
Here is a list of other good reference books:
https://sdiy.info/wiki/Synth_DIY_books
Also, if you don't mind digital - have you seen the daisy ecosystem?
From the ACIDS for at IRCAM - Official implementation of RAVE: A variational autoencoder for fast and high-quality neural audio synthesis (article link) by Antoine Caillon and Philippe Esling.
It is mostly practice. You don't become less awkward, you learn it, and if you don't use it, then you'll lose it too. This is important because however you choose to practice engaging, needs to be sustainable for you. Drastic things that you can't keep up are probably not going to give you lasting results.
I recommend taking a bar job, maybe part time. I did that for some time and found my ability to deal with these situations improved dramatically, through the practice of talking with folk at the bar.
Sometimes accurate is good, but my vst favourite 808 clone of recent times was this one: https://rc-808.com/ which is similar but more with a focus on a more flexible drum synthesis engine than the original.
I think the joy of the roland 50 is how approachable the sequencing is though, with the sounds everyone is familiar with
In celebration of 50 years, Roland have collaborated with sound designer Yuri Suzuki to create Roland50 Studio, a digital reworking of some of their most famous and influential devices.
Puredata https://puredata.info/
is the open source max equivalent. Max has integration with ableton, and that is great. But there's very little you can do in max that pure data can't also do.