You are really literally like me because you did the things I did. I have also dabble with them. I have also experimented with it. Only thing is I never made anything valuable. I guess I only did it for sake of learning and being happy.
Conversation with Exuma has made me realize he only learns when he absolutely needs to, while I learn when I feel like learning.
Then I can't also put focus. Because of inefficiencies in other aspect of life. I can't optimize because I am just paranoid on most things. I would love to work for myself but I do not come from a background (because of work, energy and time) where I can sustain it. Maybe I should think of ways to do it and try to find ways.
However, do you think putting 2 hrs a week on a single project for extended time will take me to places?
Wow!! This is literally soooo insane you managed to write so much answer in a way that is so close and dear to you. I would really love to have a long discussion with you but I don't know if it is possible given your time. Is there an specific aliased contact address that is possible to connect to you?
I don't have most answers but it seems like there are certain qualities in you that is so helpful for the way you are as a person.
Currently, I also don't like to learn for the sake of learning. I used to be love learning and knowing things for the sake of it. But that doesn't payoff in real life. What good use is knowledge when I learned only for sake of learning.
Now I want to change and it only comes from doing things and actually implementing stuff. All I could do was think and that too was flawed thinking. These days I am doing more but still I think a lot.
I want to also disregard the opinions but I feel like what value would I provide. This was one reason I stopped blogging because there are already experts in the field who are more authentic. What would my perspective bring when I will be just paraphrasing already known stuff in slightly different way.
I can understand how you are the way you are. So we have fundamentally different mode of thinking. But you have given me some ideas.
There are things I can't say in public comment and only in private conversation. It would be fun to talk with you.
> It's basically all downsides pretty much, and the only upside is being able to work on your passion - which is what motivates people who get into those fields.
Yes!! I can totally relate to what you are saying. I got started because I was interested and I am still passionate about it. But there is only so much that I can do. It just doesn't make sense for me to continue for PhD because even with PhD there is no guarantee that I would be able to get somewhere as I am definitely not someone coming from those top20 universities.
So by definition I rule out the chances of being an average research engineer. That's one clarity! Thank you!
Since I have most background in hard niches as you mentioned above, is there a way to transition to something else? What would the possible path be like if my ultimate goal is to become staff engineer or principal engineer?
It seems like both of us have similar definition of an average. That's really cool that you got my idea of being average. Thank you!
So do you have any clue how I can optimize the position in the industry? I am interested in the most of the subtopics in the field of computer science. I just want to find a route with highest reward for an average developer.
Apparently average research engineers makes a lot compared to say web developer, but the route requires PhD.
> They don't realize their problem has probably been solved many, many times before. They'll attempt to reinvent the wheel instead of using a proven solution like an existing library. They'll literally stare at an error message, not paste it into Google, then tell the team they're "blocked" a couple days later
That just sucks. And that is the average? I have really skewed view of average then! Because I think of myself as average and I don't do any of those stuffs. I am actively seeking solutions and methods. If I had to write from scratch, I would only do when there is hard requirement and a proper reference exists. Without proper reference it would be a nightmare!
> What is the "proper way" of learning to you? Do you want to be taught in a classroom?
I never believed in learning at the classroom. It never worked for me as I got bored and tired. Sometimes when I was stuck, classroom helped but most of the time I couldn't focus.
For me proper learning requires immersion and building intuition. There is factual learning where I just take facts for granted. Then there is building intuition and understanding why the facts are like so. If I can follow these patterns, I reach a state where I will have solid high level intuition of a topic and I call myself to be learned. Once I am at that stage, I can create and think of new ideas/triggers ultimately allowing me to see patterns of possibilities. When I don't reach there, I don't feel I have done my work on learning.
It takes a lot, and genuinely a lot of time to reach that state of mind. And even if you reach there, it is under constant threat of being overwritten by other memories. However, once you have a baseline, you can easily remember more facts and how to do things.
I did these tests some times ago! If I fall into INTP/ENTP because I think of myself as an ambivert and my introvertness is a spectrum that varies with my emotions.
Thanks for pointing a out functions! Will definitely check it out.
After reading your reply: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36693161, it resonated with me because I am this type of learner. I need to break things fast, reach the wrong answer, and get stuck so that I can see examples and learn from them. It is really good at getting what is out there. But being in academia surrounded by people who learn from abstraction and words, I can't get any confidence to speak about myself. It feels like I have seen the other side and now I am constantly evaluating myself with that.
I always thought this way of learning was fake learning because everything relied on intuition and most of the time my intuition was wrong. I had to go back re-read and attempt again. Once I fixed it, I was done with it and next time I had to restart from scratch because to me, it's a completely new situation. This made me feel like I never learnt anything in the past and I was actually someone who cheated the system because I knew exact things to be said in the right way. Like an incantation of a magic spell.
But after reading your reply, I will now dive a bit deeper into this kind of learning and see how it resonates with my internal world and learning! Thanks for sharing it!
> The downside is always when I’m around strong people of the other type I get the sense they don’t respect this style of learning sometimes. It comes through in their words, tone, subtle body language cues.
This is also one source of in-confidence. Everything started with the introduction of LLMs. It just punishes the person like me because I have a unique way of doing things. I claim this because I rapidly process information, try to understand behaviors and execute it. In any case I can't do it, I resort into finding other sources who has done it. I can understand the solution as long as it is written in clear way. It can be research paper, books, equations, code, blog, even just some random discussion as long as it hints into certain direction to trigger a spark. After that I try to use whatever I think is the best.
Simply put, I can give a solution, not just the best one but one to get 80% job done.
Arguing with you has been quite productive! Thanks for writing the detailed response. It shows me the perspective of where you come from. I am baffled and in awe at what you can achieve with one correct process and routine. I still have some opinions but those are useless because you have a proven track of the things that I exactly wanted to know.
1. How do you get the confidence over time? I am sure I can also do what you can but will take me 3x or heck even 4x the effort. So, it feels a bit sad to know by the time I am done, it will be worthless despite enjoying the process.
2. I liked how you admitted you forget things too. So this process of relearning for the nth time, does it make the experience enjoyable? For me, I find it tiring to know that I have to do the same thing over and over and some people just get by. It feels kind of disheartening. And more to it, now it's AI that can do it better.
3. I have tried different things big or small. Did quite a few interesting things but nothing remarkable at all. I like engineering/design and making usable things. However, whatever I do is never enough for "others" while it is really okay for me. Now this is the source of all issues. Once I finish a project, I move on to the next project or venture. There is no introspection from what I built. I just like building but not pushing. Consequently, they do not look impressive because they are just replicas nothing more. I get the illusion that I am learning things, but once I blindfold and try to recreate it, I can't. It is disheartening too.
4. I actually come from a disadvantaged background. English is not my primary language. Thus, I put in extra effort whenever I do something to compensate for the lack of communication. It has helped me. Now not everything can be communicated when there is no remarkable portfolio to show. As you have proven yourself, things take time to build. The problem here is I can't afford the luxury of time because of other aspects of life. I get an hour of free personal time at max.
5. The whole idea of finding an average job was to finish it within 4 hours (because I don't have to put effort) and later use the remaining time for myself. This is the only way in which I believe I can make substantial progress in self-improvement.
6. Answering your final question. I am poor in terms of background, skills, and execution (time management). I can do enough to get by but not enough to impress or get other people interested in me for opportunities. This is why I am direly seeking a position where I can get by and still get a chance to improve. I thought college would give that, but it didn't. I thought a postgraduate would give that, but it didn't. I want something easy because I am genuinely tired.
So, I am not living up to my potential, I am not getting hired because I don't have "experience" for entry-level positions in the field I am interested in. (Idk why it's called entry-level). Consequently, I just want to get through life, find easy tasks, get things done, and then carry on from there.
Okay, so going by your definition, I am a loser.
Your first attempt put me in a derogatory way saying, "Stay far away from my companies.... barf"
Then you stick to the idea of calling me a loser from your point of view. I don't know what you are trying to prove but I was just asking a question on a way to genuinely get by in life.
We do not live in the same world. So what rule applies to you doesn't apply to me. Yet still I asked this question because being an average has a statistically better chance (as the law of large numbers holds). I wanted to get a realistic view of average people and what they do.
If you look at other comments of mine, I am not against learning. I am against the definition of learning which is phony. It is one thing to know something, and it is a different thing to learn. I have seen many so-called learned ones struggle with the applications of their knowledge. At that point, how do you know if the person has actually learnt anything?
People can grow beyond their limits. There is multiple dimension in life. And learning doesn't necessarily mean always learning the next hype stuff or yada yada. That is practically useless.
I humbly request you to point out the number of situations in your life where you applied second-order partial differential equations to solve anything that you are doing. (If that rings a bell, that is.) Or heck even used some esoteric algorithms to improve some heuristics. Bet you still use the fundamentals you learned in college and apply them. Did you ever truly learn new things? Are you apt to catch up on all the buzz that is going on in the AI, dissect everything and teach to a high school graduate? Can you learn the graphics and say implement Gaussian splatting on your own system? Or even write your own transpiler to do something? I do not know your background. I do not understand why you are so offended here to think that I am a brainless person who burts or whines without thinking.
There are multiple thoughts and stages of thoughts before admitting something. You make it sound like I never tried. Trust me, I have. I have done more than you. It sucks to be blocked when I can't show any physical result of learning because of limitations from financial stuff. Then if someone would fund, there is a lack of confidence. The guilt that I may expend their resources over nothing.
The only reason I want to be average is because I know I am slightly above average say (51%). It is just easy for me down there to work in an average way. It is more relaxing. I don't have to challenge myself or pull out my hair. Then eventually I hope to find something else in life.
We have a different perspective on life. You think in your own way, to rise above mediocrity. I think of embracing it. I just want to know what are the options so that I can make some life choices.
I regret choosing a hard path in life. It never gave me anything. Now I want to stop pursuing it. Stop spinning in the wheel.
I don't know what to say. For example, I recently designed some webpage or made some prototype app using X framework in Y language. Do you consider that I learnt something?
I don't know, I feel like that isn't learning. I just made the thing work because I read some stuff, processed information and did some hit and trial.
Compared that to something like "ah hah!" moments; those are extremely rare at work. It only happens at debugging. The reason why I am stating it is because I have forgotten a lot of these things. What stuck with me are the basics and foundations and it took years to be reinforced.
I doubt you will find a job where you get to learn in a proper way.
I don't know how to argue on that. Learning is a slow process that takes time and effort. The results aren't visible immediately. Meanwhile industry wants to get the job done and be over with it. We are hired to work.
I don't want to go home and learn more about the things so that I can do the job better. There is literally no incentive in doing it better than just doing it alright.
I would rather learn things from diverse topics and interests that will benefit that I can enjoy in the long run.
Oh no, I thought the salary would be adjusted for inflation. Are there no social safety nets? This is really sad to know that salary isn't adjusted for living expenses!
wow, what is wrong with being average and trying to enjoy life? I am pretty sure you have zero contribution to llvm, pytorch, react, vue, js, c, python, linux, or heck even the device you are typing. You also fall on same average category. If you had any idea, you would have written something about it.
The talent at top are polite enough to see the difference. Your arrogance reminds me of some egoist friend.
Oh!! Thank you!! These are the answers I am looking for because these never crossed my thoughts. These are boring and no one likes them! Exactly my taste.
However, I kindly request you to not conclude that wanting to be average doesn't mean not having interest in the field. It's the contrary. I am so invested, I know what mind blogging things people can do. And I also know I will never be able to reach where these people are.
Hence, I want to understand a way to find the balance. It's okay to be curious and learning. Also the fact life isn't fair for everyone. For some it comes easy, for some it may take lifetime.
So it likes transition into a business roles or try to be CEO.
My question, is there no way to be eternally stuck as "senior/staff engineer". I do not want anything beyond that. The salary of an average senior/staff engineer is always greater than median salary of the country.
At least I would try to communicate on important decisions. However, I have zero interest in making decisions, making presentation, trying to prove things or any of that. All I want is a task that is achievable in given allocated time and fits my skill level.
I have given up on hopes of learning. There is no such thing as learning after highschool. It's always one thing after another. College is chasing grades. Post graduate chasing papers. Never got a true chance to dive and learn. There is no room for failure. All I had to do was put of patch work to clear the subjects. How can I expect myself to be good when I have cheated the system throughout my life.
Hence, if I get the chance, I would love to be average. No responsibility. Slightly better pay. I feel I can study what interest me just to crush my own ego.