Ex-Tech –> Homeless in SF(zamoshi.substack.com)
zamoshi.substack.com
Ex-Tech –> Homeless in SF
https://zamoshi.substack.com/p/ninety-four-degrees
100 comments
For what it's worth: I know it could be me. I'm currently with tens of thousands of dollars in savings (in Europe, not American) but it could still be me. I'm quite afraid of it actually and I live every day so that it won't be me. I've noticed that reduces chances significantly, not to zero, but significantly.
Put your funds in some diversified dividend ETFs and you will be quite fine.
Don’t be so sure. Funds can dwindle fast.
Keep your hands on the steering wheel, eyes on the road
Keep your hands on the steering wheel, eyes on the road
and the money even faster on the cash bank account? :)
Tens of thousands of dollars seems difficult to live on
As I understood the current state is "saving money and getting a little return would be OK", since he is still employed?
For sure, if the jo is lost in an expensive town, this money does not hold long.
Yea it's this. I have a job, I'm fine. I have 1 to 2 years of runway if I lose my job. I've been twice in a situation in my life where it took me 1 to 1.5 years to find a new job. During those times I lived for free at a family member's place so I was totally fine. But I know how dangerous things can get if I don't watch out. And even then still. Sometimes fate just hits you in the face.
> A start-up I had been a part of in New York. Where I was the first employee. I had owned equity. They had eventually sold for $350 million.
What happened to the author's equity?
What happened to the author's equity?
Obviously there is a ton unsaid in this blog post, but I just wanted to answer your question because it's exceedingly common for companies to be sold, sometimes for lots of money, and for common stock (which is what employees hold) to get wiped out. If the startup was sold for $350 million, but it received $350 or more million in funding, the investors get (some of) their money back, and employees get nothing. This happens all the time.
Again, I don't know what happened in the author's specific case, but think it's important to know that lots of startups have exits that can look big on paper but still are a wipeout for common equity.
Again, I don't know what happened in the author's specific case, but think it's important to know that lots of startups have exits that can look big on paper but still are a wipeout for common equity.
Liquidation Preferences e.g.
Are people reading this or just up voting the title? Sounds like someone who screwed up their life, likely by being stubborn, and doing a lot of drugs, which doesn't take knowing how to code to pull off. Reads like a love letter to misery by someone who knew they would never be truly affected by it.
There's a good saying, "People become homeless not when they run out of money, but when they run out of relationships."
This post reads to me like someone suffering from mental illness and/or personality disorder.
This post reads to me like someone suffering from mental illness and/or personality disorder.
This is the first time I'm seeing that phrase. And I think it hits the nail on the head.
The blog and the contents of the post both indicate it’s someone writing about a time they were homeless and suffering from psychosis.
> This post reads to me like someone suffering from mental illness and/or personality disorder.
Sometimes people are just assholes, eh.
I don't have the data to say this is the case, but "just being an asshole" is a circumstance that is often under-considered.
Sometimes people are just assholes, eh.
I don't have the data to say this is the case, but "just being an asshole" is a circumstance that is often under-considered.
That's the problem with personality disorders - we call them "disorders", but they're also fundamentally a part of someone's "personality", i.e. relatively unchangeable behavioral characteristics. It's hard to draw a clear line between "insufferable asshole" and "borderline/narcissistic/histrionic personality disorder".
He explicitly writes that he did not do drugs or alcohol.
It would seem like it is some kind of felony charges that are the cause. Whatever they were.
But all in all - the downside risk is huge in the US.
It would seem like it is some kind of felony charges that are the cause. Whatever they were.
But all in all - the downside risk is huge in the US.
The style of writing and strange segways suggest mental illness; the blog description seems to confirm it.
It is incredible how much energy is being put into justifying why this is his own fault?
I guess this is the only way people with high salaries or wealth in the US can find peace with themselves - maybe that's the mental illness?
I guess this is the only way people with high salaries or wealth in the US can find peace with themselves - maybe that's the mental illness?
What's incredible to me are comments, like yours, that are saying that somehow the system failed this person, just based on this blog post. When in fact:
1. He was given food and shelter, which he declined - most of his comments about the food are that it's too sugary.
2. He makes it sound like he was offered more permanent shelter in Feb of 2025, which he also declined.
To be clear, I'm not making a judgment about this person - and, for that matter, the comment you replied to didn't seem to be making a judgment either, just stating a reasonable conclusion that the author suffered from mental illness.
So I'd like to know what additional resources you think would have changed this person's circumstances?
1. He was given food and shelter, which he declined - most of his comments about the food are that it's too sugary.
2. He makes it sound like he was offered more permanent shelter in Feb of 2025, which he also declined.
To be clear, I'm not making a judgment about this person - and, for that matter, the comment you replied to didn't seem to be making a judgment either, just stating a reasonable conclusion that the author suffered from mental illness.
So I'd like to know what additional resources you think would have changed this person's circumstances?
> I'm not making a judgment about this person [...] just stating a reasonable conclusion that the author suffered from mental illness.
You're not making a judgment, but are somehow able to diagnose mental illness from a blog post? Wild.
It's far easier to conclude that the system has failed this person, as it habitually fails millions of people in the US, in these same circumstances. Are they all mentally ill?
And even if mental health is an issue, does that mean that they are somehow less worthy of assistance? That it's OK for a human being to live under a bridge?
The level of self-righteousness and lack of empathy in your comments is baffling.
You're not making a judgment, but are somehow able to diagnose mental illness from a blog post? Wild.
It's far easier to conclude that the system has failed this person, as it habitually fails millions of people in the US, in these same circumstances. Are they all mentally ill?
And even if mental health is an issue, does that mean that they are somehow less worthy of assistance? That it's OK for a human being to live under a bridge?
The level of self-righteousness and lack of empathy in your comments is baffling.
> You're not making a judgment, but are somehow able to diagnose mental illness from a blog post? Wild.
The author literally talks about his "psychosis" that led him to his predicament, so no, I don't think it's a judgment, just the ability to read.
> And even if mental health is an issue, does that mean that they are somehow less worthy of assistance?
I have no idea where you seem to get this idea. My point is that, at least in this author's case, he has received assistance. He discusses 2 separate instances in this post where he declined resources and support - he is living under a bridge because he specifically rejected the shelter that was offered him.
Could the process of getting people support be better? Of course, but his experience dealing with the pains of bureaucracy doesn't seem much different that bureaucratic slights we all, rich and poor, have to deal with when trying to get assistance from government. FWIW I especially liked his "I identify as a woman" comment in order to get a shower.
> The level of self-righteousness and lack of empathy in your comments is baffling.
The only self righteousness I see on display is your belief that everyone else is so uncaring because we don't necessarily think the government should force this person into a shelter. I'm not judging the author at all, but I'm certainly judging you.
The author literally talks about his "psychosis" that led him to his predicament, so no, I don't think it's a judgment, just the ability to read.
> And even if mental health is an issue, does that mean that they are somehow less worthy of assistance?
I have no idea where you seem to get this idea. My point is that, at least in this author's case, he has received assistance. He discusses 2 separate instances in this post where he declined resources and support - he is living under a bridge because he specifically rejected the shelter that was offered him.
Could the process of getting people support be better? Of course, but his experience dealing with the pains of bureaucracy doesn't seem much different that bureaucratic slights we all, rich and poor, have to deal with when trying to get assistance from government. FWIW I especially liked his "I identify as a woman" comment in order to get a shower.
> The level of self-righteousness and lack of empathy in your comments is baffling.
The only self righteousness I see on display is your belief that everyone else is so uncaring because we don't necessarily think the government should force this person into a shelter. I'm not judging the author at all, but I'm certainly judging you.
Do you genuinely think that people who with mental issues ought to live in shelters as a dingitifies existence?
I think I can extend me predicament about mental illness to you also.
I think I can extend me predicament about mental illness to you also.
> Currently constructing the Sanctuary of the Silent Star while unpacking a 6-month journey through psychosis, homelessness, and the systems that govern us. One story at a time.
I'm not saying it's his own fault. I'm also not too happy when people point to mental illness. But this is his blog description where he mentions himself that he unpacs a 6-month journey through psychosis.
6 months of psychosis means you're mentally ill with psychosis as a symptom.
I'm not saying it's his own fault. I'm also not too happy when people point to mental illness. But this is his blog description where he mentions himself that he unpacs a 6-month journey through psychosis.
6 months of psychosis means you're mentally ill with psychosis as a symptom.
Doesn’t change anything. In civilized world, people who are mentally ill are took care of by the society, not thrown in the streets.
He wasn't "thrown into the streets". He was offered food and shelter, and he declined it.
He was respecting the laws of California. What he did was like a speeding ticket.
I do agree that if he was truly in need he would have stolen an iPhone or some designer purses.
How privileged to steal sleeping bags and food.
I do agree that if he was truly in need he would have stolen an iPhone or some designer purses.
How privileged to steal sleeping bags and food.
> I needed a guide. I stole Don Quixote from the library.
That wasn't any kind of necessity. He lost me there.
That wasn't any kind of necessity. He lost me there.
[deleted]
> He explicitly writes that he did not do drugs or alcohol
> My public defender reminded me of a woman I did ayahuasca with in upstate New York.
Well...
> My public defender reminded me of a woman I did ayahuasca with in upstate New York.
Well...
Everyone does drugs or alcohol, even the pope, even Jesus himself.
he explicitly says he has done ayahuasca. So he is someone who at least in the past did recreational drugs.
> He explicitly writes that he did not do drugs or alcohol.
What are you talking about? He specifically mentions drinking beer and doing ayahuasca in the past.
What are you talking about? He specifically mentions drinking beer and doing ayahuasca in the past.
I assumed this was a support group or service for tech workers who ended up homeless, and upvoted for that, and then took back my upvote after reading these comments :')
Ignore the comments, read the article instead. One of the worst comment threads on HN so far, if you ask me. The only time I wish the comments were all LLM generated, because that would explain how they could miss the underlying humanity so thoroughly.
Sure, we don't know the entire backstory, but can we agree that no person should live in these conditions? Especially in one of the richest places in the world. Everyone deserves dignity, food, and shelter.
Also, can we stop stigmatizing "drug" use? Most of humanity uses "drugs" regularly for various reasons. Just because a specific "drug" which someone enjoys using recreationally is on a government list doesn't mean that they can't be a productive member of society. Live and let live.
Also, can we stop stigmatizing "drug" use? Most of humanity uses "drugs" regularly for various reasons. Just because a specific "drug" which someone enjoys using recreationally is on a government list doesn't mean that they can't be a productive member of society. Live and let live.
It’s hard to respond to a call for “everyone to agree” in an online forum but yes.
Even people who are self or outwardly destructive, do not deserve the outcome the author got.
I think a harder to answer question is, assuming there are not enough resources to help everyone in need (in a practical sense) should we prioritise the “more deserving” over the less.
Every human who is suffering deserves compassion, but should we deprioritise those who are suffering partially because of their own choices?
Even people who are self or outwardly destructive, do not deserve the outcome the author got.
I think a harder to answer question is, assuming there are not enough resources to help everyone in need (in a practical sense) should we prioritise the “more deserving” over the less.
Every human who is suffering deserves compassion, but should we deprioritise those who are suffering partially because of their own choices?
> Every human who is suffering deserves compassion, but should we deprioritise those who are suffering partially because of their own choices?
Opening the discussion about who is more worthy of assistance is a slippery slope towards some people not getting it due to personal biases and politics of those in power.
Poor life choices can be consequences of poor upbringing, mental health, or simply bad luck. People can be helped in different ways to avoid making those mistakes. Reform is possible, but it starts with a society and government that cares for all of its people, and doesn't marginalize some as lower-class citizens.
Opening the discussion about who is more worthy of assistance is a slippery slope towards some people not getting it due to personal biases and politics of those in power.
Poor life choices can be consequences of poor upbringing, mental health, or simply bad luck. People can be helped in different ways to avoid making those mistakes. Reform is possible, but it starts with a society and government that cares for all of its people, and doesn't marginalize some as lower-class citizens.
> Poor life choices can be consequences of poor upbringing, mental health, or simply bad luck.
You forget stupidity and ignorance. Sometimes people make poor life choices because they're stupid or ignorant (or both).
Yeah sure poor life choices can be consequences of poor upbringing, mental health, or simply bad luck, but that's not always the case.
Regarding this specific piece of writing and as a tech person myself, i wonder: why does this person not have some safety net savings?
Having worked in the highest-paying city (San Francisco) in the highest paying state (California) in the richest nation (USA)... Why didn't this guy build his own safety net?
You forget stupidity and ignorance. Sometimes people make poor life choices because they're stupid or ignorant (or both).
Yeah sure poor life choices can be consequences of poor upbringing, mental health, or simply bad luck, but that's not always the case.
Regarding this specific piece of writing and as a tech person myself, i wonder: why does this person not have some safety net savings?
Having worked in the highest-paying city (San Francisco) in the highest paying state (California) in the richest nation (USA)... Why didn't this guy build his own safety net?
And is capable enough to be (1) wealthy and (2) distribute that wealth so that everyone is wealthy enough. Especially (2) is hard. Norway seems to be the only country having some actual demonstrable skill at it.
When Covid came to Europe, we saw on the news how Italy was hit and what doctors had to do.
Long story short: young people lived, old people died. Because doctors faced the awful decision of whom to put on life support.
In the Covid case there's a genuine moment of lack of resources (good luck training enough doctors to help, even in a utopia it wouldn't be possible). Unfortunately, since many countries are bad at distributing their own resources enough such that no one is poor, we're basically in a Covid-like situation when it comes to homeless people.
And I'm saying this as a Dutch person. As I have one family member who didn't eat for 2 weeks, fainted, got found, etc. Granted, this person doesn't want to deal with bureaucracy and is quite stubborn, among other things. But still, even in a country that has "socialism" this stuff happens. And we're not as socialistic as one might think: Polish people that come here to perform labor do so in quite awful circumstances, to the point that when they lose a finger or a thumb they get reimbursed like 300 to 500 euro's IIRC. I watched it from some Dutch documentary (probably Nieuwsuur).
Countries are just incredibly bad at resource (re)distribution.
When Covid came to Europe, we saw on the news how Italy was hit and what doctors had to do.
Long story short: young people lived, old people died. Because doctors faced the awful decision of whom to put on life support.
In the Covid case there's a genuine moment of lack of resources (good luck training enough doctors to help, even in a utopia it wouldn't be possible). Unfortunately, since many countries are bad at distributing their own resources enough such that no one is poor, we're basically in a Covid-like situation when it comes to homeless people.
And I'm saying this as a Dutch person. As I have one family member who didn't eat for 2 weeks, fainted, got found, etc. Granted, this person doesn't want to deal with bureaucracy and is quite stubborn, among other things. But still, even in a country that has "socialism" this stuff happens. And we're not as socialistic as one might think: Polish people that come here to perform labor do so in quite awful circumstances, to the point that when they lose a finger or a thumb they get reimbursed like 300 to 500 euro's IIRC. I watched it from some Dutch documentary (probably Nieuwsuur).
Countries are just incredibly bad at resource (re)distribution.
Two weeks ago, a guy in Hamburg/Germany pulled a young woman on the metro track 2 seconds before the train arrived, both dead in the end.
Sorry - its acceptable that I do not have compassion for those suckers!
Sorry - its acceptable that I do not have compassion for those suckers!
He was given food and shelter, and then he left on his own volition. He wasn't willing to stay in a shelter unless he had a private room so he stole some stuff from some stores so he could sleep under a bridge.
He was given temporary shelter, and later a bed in a room with 20 people. Have you seen what these places look like? Would you sleep in such conditions?
Dignity and personal space is something the richest country in the world can afford for all of its citizens. Yet chooses not to.
People committing petty theft are largely forced to do so due to the circumstances they live in. Your judgment is better aimed at people committing white-collar crime with far worse consequences in the same city the author is located in.
Dignity and personal space is something the richest country in the world can afford for all of its citizens. Yet chooses not to.
People committing petty theft are largely forced to do so due to the circumstances they live in. Your judgment is better aimed at people committing white-collar crime with far worse consequences in the same city the author is located in.
He makes it sound like he was originally offered more permanent shelter but he rejected it:
> The end of March happened and so did the temporary shelter. I needed to find a new place.
> I remembered a place in San Mateo I rejected back in February. It hadn’t crossed my mind when I first arrived back in San Francisco. When I had been offered it in February, I rejected the offer because I thought it was ludicrous to think I was homeless. I come from a relatively privileged upbringing, and the idea of homelessness was a distant concept to my naive brain.
> The end of March happened and so did the temporary shelter. I needed to find a new place.
> I remembered a place in San Mateo I rejected back in February. It hadn’t crossed my mind when I first arrived back in San Francisco. When I had been offered it in February, I rejected the offer because I thought it was ludicrous to think I was homeless. I come from a relatively privileged upbringing, and the idea of homelessness was a distant concept to my naive brain.
>> no person should live in these conditions
Do you suggest they should be forced to the asylum for mentally ill people?
Do you suggest they should be forced to the asylum for mentally ill people?
> The morning crew felt like NPCs (for those older folks, an NPC is a character in a video game that is scripted or run by AI).
For those older folks, an NPC is a character in an adventure that is scripted or run by the Dungeon Master.
For those older folks, an NPC is a character in an adventure that is scripted or run by the Dungeon Master.
That line alone tells me a lot about the author.
He's homeless and still manages to look down on the people helping him.
I don't have a hard time guessing why he didn't have any other person's place to stay at, even temporarily.
He's homeless and still manages to look down on the people helping him.
I don't have a hard time guessing why he didn't have any other person's place to stay at, even temporarily.
This guy really illustrates the problem with mental illness in otherwise functioning adults. Since he is getting emails from his mom, and admits he "comes from a relatively privileged upbringing", my guess is he could get help from his family, but rejected it.
He is an adult, and is not sick enough to warrant involuntary intervention, so he is free to choose to reject care. Also, he mentions using psychedelics (to self medicate? Or just cause he wanted the experience?) So this could be 100% self-inflicted for all we know, although I'd put my money on self-medication.
Mentally ill people (depending on the type of illness) can be really hard to be around for long periods (source: father and brother who are bipolar.) It is no surprise he would have trouble finding a friend to let him crash. His narcissism and superiority-complex are just part of the package.
I will also note that it was infuriating that he got access to a women-only shelter when he said "I identify as a woman".
He is an adult, and is not sick enough to warrant involuntary intervention, so he is free to choose to reject care. Also, he mentions using psychedelics (to self medicate? Or just cause he wanted the experience?) So this could be 100% self-inflicted for all we know, although I'd put my money on self-medication.
Mentally ill people (depending on the type of illness) can be really hard to be around for long periods (source: father and brother who are bipolar.) It is no surprise he would have trouble finding a friend to let him crash. His narcissism and superiority-complex are just part of the package.
I will also note that it was infuriating that he got access to a women-only shelter when he said "I identify as a woman".
What I probably never get: When somebody is capable and reasonable but jobless, why stay homeless in a city with one of the highest rents? Why not move to a cheaper place, get any job, even a bad paid job will pay a nice flat in a small town.
It's always those large very expensive cities that have a huge amount of homelessness.
Don't get me wrong, I do not want to play clever here, it's just a honest question.
Don't get me wrong, I do not want to play clever here, it's just a honest question.
San Francisco also has a climate you won't freeze to death in February, a government that won't bulldoze your tent, charities that give you free stuff. For better or worse. In this man's case, it is probably also the only place where he has a slimmer of personal connections left that may still lend a helping hand.
Also, by the time he is already homeless homeless, he is likely no longer able to afford the fixed costs of a move. He is not getting an apartment even in small town USA if he can't put down a deposit. He is not even getting there without money to pay for the trip. He'll also likely need a car to hold any job which is another major cost.
And by the way, you said he should get a job, "any job." Now put yourself in the position of a small town mcdonalds franchise owner. Someone just moved to the town from California cough all in a sudden. He has no local connection, no experience in food service (or whatever other low skill job you are offering), probably not even an address. Why would you hire him instead of literally anyone else?
Also, by the time he is already homeless homeless, he is likely no longer able to afford the fixed costs of a move. He is not getting an apartment even in small town USA if he can't put down a deposit. He is not even getting there without money to pay for the trip. He'll also likely need a car to hold any job which is another major cost.
And by the way, you said he should get a job, "any job." Now put yourself in the position of a small town mcdonalds franchise owner. Someone just moved to the town from California cough all in a sudden. He has no local connection, no experience in food service (or whatever other low skill job you are offering), probably not even an address. Why would you hire him instead of literally anyone else?
If a person has motivation, it's not impossible to find means. Hitchhiking. General assistance thru the Human Services Agency for cash. Explain your circumstances/try another job offering/repeat.
> When somebody is capable and reasonable but jobless
I'm not sure what your qualifications for 'reasonable' and 'capable' are, but without a support system those things are difficult to prove such that you can utilize them properly.
Let's do a thought experiment. Imagine have been evicted from your home and have no job. You have no car, no phone, no ID, no money, no credit or bank account. All of the people you know who would give you money or a place to stay or a reference have disappeared and cannot be reached. What do you do?
You could find a cash job as a dishwasher or something similar. If you work nights you can sleep in the library on in other public places. But where do you put your things? Spare clothes, toiletries, books, everything you might need to feel comfortable or to look decent has to be carried on your person, and even then is liable to become lost or stolen. How do you shower? Every restroom experience is using a public one. You can't cook meals, so you have to find free ones or buy them.
Hopefully what you got out of that is that access to things that you and I take for granted is a really big deal to someone without a home, and cities like San Francisco make many of those things difficult instead of impossible.
I'm not sure what your qualifications for 'reasonable' and 'capable' are, but without a support system those things are difficult to prove such that you can utilize them properly.
Let's do a thought experiment. Imagine have been evicted from your home and have no job. You have no car, no phone, no ID, no money, no credit or bank account. All of the people you know who would give you money or a place to stay or a reference have disappeared and cannot be reached. What do you do?
You could find a cash job as a dishwasher or something similar. If you work nights you can sleep in the library on in other public places. But where do you put your things? Spare clothes, toiletries, books, everything you might need to feel comfortable or to look decent has to be carried on your person, and even then is liable to become lost or stolen. How do you shower? Every restroom experience is using a public one. You can't cook meals, so you have to find free ones or buy them.
Hopefully what you got out of that is that access to things that you and I take for granted is a really big deal to someone without a home, and cities like San Francisco make many of those things difficult instead of impossible.
I think the harsh truth in this case is that this person has qualities of their personality and their habits that make them incompatible with a conventional job.
Honest answer: the author is mentally ill. They come out and say it at the end, but there are some pretty big clues along the way.
In this particular case they had an upcoming court date in SF.
OP here. Thank you all for taking the time to read this and beginning some conversations, even if some are harder to read.
I plan on sharing more of the story in future writings. During this particular story, I was on the tail end of a state of a psychosis, which I didn’t know at the time. I just thought what I thought. Truth to be told, I took too many psychedelics in 2024 and one day I woke up, and started experiencing a bunch of delusions that ripped me away from reality.
I had spent the majority of my life living in New York, Vegas directly before San Francisco- I was in Grass Valley.
I arrived in SF last January and didn’t know anyone close enough to reach out to. Plus my delusions were beginning to pick up, dramatically.
I threw away my cash and IDs, got rid of every item I owned, and was paranoid that my phone was tracking me. So I voluntarily got rid of it.
I was navigating all this chapter without a phone.
I obviously got out of the situation. I’m not in jail. I did successfully defend myself, pro se, against the felonies. I eventually got a job. Which connected me with people. I started volunteering on art and back in the homeless shelters. I found more and more jobs. I found a home. I started researching psychosis to try to understand what happened to me.
This was an intense experience. And at this particular moment in time, as many people in here have picked up on- one of my survival mechanisms was believing I was the hero of my own journey. I was isolated. I was lonely. My delusions were based on video games, and books, and movies, and AI, and predictions about the future. Being homeless in San Francisco- where there’s people bent over on fentanyl and an AI sign everywhere, everyplace promoting AI is sort of surreal. Especially if you are in the middle of psychosis. Jail and homelessness will compound that more.
There are many good people trying to help in this situation. Some from the HSA, the old ladies and other volunteers making food at the homeless shelter, the other hurting souls, the DA involved in my case, a wonderful woman from the shelter in Redwood City. My family. My mom. My brother. I will share some of those good stories. And there’ll be more context- as to why it was the way it was.
I suppose anything that splits people is a good thing. And I appreciate the level of insight on both sides that people give in this thread.
I plan on sharing more of the story in future writings. During this particular story, I was on the tail end of a state of a psychosis, which I didn’t know at the time. I just thought what I thought. Truth to be told, I took too many psychedelics in 2024 and one day I woke up, and started experiencing a bunch of delusions that ripped me away from reality.
I had spent the majority of my life living in New York, Vegas directly before San Francisco- I was in Grass Valley.
I arrived in SF last January and didn’t know anyone close enough to reach out to. Plus my delusions were beginning to pick up, dramatically.
I threw away my cash and IDs, got rid of every item I owned, and was paranoid that my phone was tracking me. So I voluntarily got rid of it.
I was navigating all this chapter without a phone.
I obviously got out of the situation. I’m not in jail. I did successfully defend myself, pro se, against the felonies. I eventually got a job. Which connected me with people. I started volunteering on art and back in the homeless shelters. I found more and more jobs. I found a home. I started researching psychosis to try to understand what happened to me.
This was an intense experience. And at this particular moment in time, as many people in here have picked up on- one of my survival mechanisms was believing I was the hero of my own journey. I was isolated. I was lonely. My delusions were based on video games, and books, and movies, and AI, and predictions about the future. Being homeless in San Francisco- where there’s people bent over on fentanyl and an AI sign everywhere, everyplace promoting AI is sort of surreal. Especially if you are in the middle of psychosis. Jail and homelessness will compound that more.
There are many good people trying to help in this situation. Some from the HSA, the old ladies and other volunteers making food at the homeless shelter, the other hurting souls, the DA involved in my case, a wonderful woman from the shelter in Redwood City. My family. My mom. My brother. I will share some of those good stories. And there’ll be more context- as to why it was the way it was.
I suppose anything that splits people is a good thing. And I appreciate the level of insight on both sides that people give in this thread.
As someone who has family histories of debilitating mental illness (bipolar disorder) and been very close to homeless a few times your story resonated with me. Too many people here have obviously never been that close to the edge of either sanity or financial ruin for them to be able to empathize. Will follow your writing, keep it up!
I'm happy you wrote that explanation here rather than as part of the article. The article was good as it was, and there were enough hints in it to pick up.
Congrats for successfully defending yourself, getting a job, handling the psychosis, etc!
Congrats for successfully defending yourself, getting a job, handling the psychosis, etc!
I will never stop being dumbfounded by the contrast of people going through this kind of hardship being surrounded by some of the wealthiest people in the world. This exists in other parts of the world as well, of course, but it's particularly troubling that it exists in the tech epicenter.
There's something deeply disturbing about a society that allows this to happen, and yet it's something we've learned to accept and largely ignore for centuries. The promise of technology bringing forth universal prosperity is a lie promoted by those who have something to gain from that narrative. Yet we keep believing these people to this day.
There's something deeply disturbing about a society that allows this to happen, and yet it's something we've learned to accept and largely ignore for centuries. The promise of technology bringing forth universal prosperity is a lie promoted by those who have something to gain from that narrative. Yet we keep believing these people to this day.
If you needed a bed for the night, do you have friends who would offer you their couch? Family? Cousins, parents, etc?
In my society, absolutely, possibly literally more than a hundred people.
Where in the world is the answer no? Maybe if you’ve freshly immigrated to a new country or something?
That is a very scary thought, but it’s also scary for me to think that so many people live such isolated lives, it’s such a foreign concept to me culturally.
Where in the world is the answer no? Maybe if you’ve freshly immigrated to a new country or something?
That is a very scary thought, but it’s also scary for me to think that so many people live such isolated lives, it’s such a foreign concept to me culturally.
The answer is no when you are severely mentally ill or have some other condition that causes you to be strongly detrimental to the people around you, such as addiction.
To the point where you have no friends. To the point where even your own parents have given up.
> Where in the world
Everywhere. You can’t comprehend it because you don’t know anyone like that, likely because the government you live in takes care of that problem for you.
> isolated lives
And by the way, the people in your culture in this situation are isolated too, from you. And that’s okay, and maybe good even. But you don’t know about them.
I don’t know what the right answer is. America’s answer is definitely not the right answer. But interrogate your culture, too, and how it takes care of your most vulnerable people. You may be dismayed at the answer, or you may not.
To the point where you have no friends. To the point where even your own parents have given up.
> Where in the world
Everywhere. You can’t comprehend it because you don’t know anyone like that, likely because the government you live in takes care of that problem for you.
> isolated lives
And by the way, the people in your culture in this situation are isolated too, from you. And that’s okay, and maybe good even. But you don’t know about them.
I don’t know what the right answer is. America’s answer is definitely not the right answer. But interrogate your culture, too, and how it takes care of your most vulnerable people. You may be dismayed at the answer, or you may not.
Unfortunately I think there are many places in the world like that. It just takes someone with even a mild mental illness, a relatively small family and the sudden early death of a parent to start a vicious cycle.
> Maybe if you’ve freshly immigrated to a new country or something?
SF's pro-homeless policies in particular attract people away from real support networks and towards government-assisted ones.
SF's pro-homeless policies in particular attract people away from real support networks and towards government-assisted ones.
There is a term called low-trust society, and at least 1.4 billion people are struggling in that.
I don't see how that's relevant.
I pay taxes and live in a country with a government in exchange for protection and a decent standard of living. Relying on family, friends or strangers for basic necessities is a sign that my government has failed me.
I pay taxes and live in a country with a government in exchange for protection and a decent standard of living. Relying on family, friends or strangers for basic necessities is a sign that my government has failed me.
>“I Can Hire Half the Working Class To Fight the Other Half“
Technically a satire quote criticizing the robber Baron it's credited for, but the sentiment is the same. Pay off a bourgeois and they'll fight against the the sympathetic bourgeois and proletariat happily. The elite don't even need to lift a finger.
Technically a satire quote criticizing the robber Baron it's credited for, but the sentiment is the same. Pay off a bourgeois and they'll fight against the the sympathetic bourgeois and proletariat happily. The elite don't even need to lift a finger.
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I can attest that the Quaker Meeting on 9th street is an earnest reverent bunch. I attended regularly for some time around 2020.
Great read. One bad side is it was so long, by the time I came back to upvote this article you already fell off trending.
honest question: are there not enough shelters in SF? Are there not enough jobs? I heard it's dirty and unsafe at places, isn't government hiring street cleaners and police?
Tipp: Go on YouTube, search for "SF live walk" or "San Francisco city walk" and you will get an impression
I get an incredible “narcism ick” from this writing. I wonder if other people feel the same way.
It’s so gross contrasted with the theme. The very first paragraphs start with a poor attempt to humble brag his”credentials” as not just a “normal” homeless person.
The self mythologising, the framing of negative things more like the weather than consequences of his choices.
The fact that despite privileged upbringing and working in tech in the valley he has no one willing to offer him a couch.
The most striking for me is the framing of his own grandmothers death as exceptional, proving his lineage is special.
Calling others NPCs, framing of stealing from stores as being the heroic action, even with approval from grandmother.
I feel this is getting redundant. I’d love to hear if anyone disagrees and what their thoughts are.
It’s so gross contrasted with the theme. The very first paragraphs start with a poor attempt to humble brag his”credentials” as not just a “normal” homeless person.
The self mythologising, the framing of negative things more like the weather than consequences of his choices.
The fact that despite privileged upbringing and working in tech in the valley he has no one willing to offer him a couch.
The most striking for me is the framing of his own grandmothers death as exceptional, proving his lineage is special.
Calling others NPCs, framing of stealing from stores as being the heroic action, even with approval from grandmother.
I feel this is getting redundant. I’d love to hear if anyone disagrees and what their thoughts are.
> narcism ick
I think that's the whole shtick because most tech workers are so far removed from homelessness they don't even consider the possibility. It's not about the author being a narcist, it's about most people from higher social classes having some flavor of narcism.
> The fact that despite privileged upbringing and working in tech in the valley he has no one willing to offer him a couch.
Totally believable. There are very few people I'd offer a couch for more than two nights, and I imagine that in highly competitive environments, like the US tech sector, the typical situation is more grim. Look around and ask yourself - how many true friends does a typical corporate employee have? Someone they could realistically call "ay I'm going homeless can I get a bed for free for like, a few months". Most "friendships" turn out to be very superficial when tried.
> The most striking for me is the framing of his own grandmothers death as exceptional, proving his lineage is special.
This makes a lot of sense. From his point of view, his grandma was special. From your point of view, your grandma is special. The whole point of this post is the contrast between "I am special" and the world disagreeing.
Imagine a situation: someone steals all your money and frames you for pedophilia. Instantly you lose your job, all your friends distance themselves from you, you get evicted from your house. Suddenly, through sheer unbelievably bad luck, you have $5, an old jacket, and serious charges. You show up at soup kitchen in order not to starve and you see all these meth addicts, mentally ill, mentally ill meth addicts, and other types of folks from the lowest class of the society. Would you stand there thinking "ah yes, I'm equal to them, these are my homies, wassap nigga" or would your brain scream "no, this isn't happening, I'm only passing by, I'm different, why is this woman with rotting face staring at me, I need to get out of here ASAP".
I think that's the whole shtick because most tech workers are so far removed from homelessness they don't even consider the possibility. It's not about the author being a narcist, it's about most people from higher social classes having some flavor of narcism.
> The fact that despite privileged upbringing and working in tech in the valley he has no one willing to offer him a couch.
Totally believable. There are very few people I'd offer a couch for more than two nights, and I imagine that in highly competitive environments, like the US tech sector, the typical situation is more grim. Look around and ask yourself - how many true friends does a typical corporate employee have? Someone they could realistically call "ay I'm going homeless can I get a bed for free for like, a few months". Most "friendships" turn out to be very superficial when tried.
> The most striking for me is the framing of his own grandmothers death as exceptional, proving his lineage is special.
This makes a lot of sense. From his point of view, his grandma was special. From your point of view, your grandma is special. The whole point of this post is the contrast between "I am special" and the world disagreeing.
Imagine a situation: someone steals all your money and frames you for pedophilia. Instantly you lose your job, all your friends distance themselves from you, you get evicted from your house. Suddenly, through sheer unbelievably bad luck, you have $5, an old jacket, and serious charges. You show up at soup kitchen in order not to starve and you see all these meth addicts, mentally ill, mentally ill meth addicts, and other types of folks from the lowest class of the society. Would you stand there thinking "ah yes, I'm equal to them, these are my homies, wassap nigga" or would your brain scream "no, this isn't happening, I'm only passing by, I'm different, why is this woman with rotting face staring at me, I need to get out of here ASAP".
> Look around and ask yourself - how many true friends does a typical corporate employee have? Someone they could realistically call "ay I'm going homeless can I get a bed for free for like, a few months". Most "friendships" turn out to be very superficial when tried.
I think a lot of people are willing to open up their couch. That story changes big time when that person has what might be schizophrenia.
I think a lot of people are willing to open up their couch. That story changes big time when that person has what might be schizophrenia.
The article is good and worth reading. I think the author was going for a bit of a Kerouac / Burroughs style in his writing.
I have never been homeless or close to being homeless, but it seems incredibly likely that under the stress of losing my job, not knowing where my next meal is from, where to sleep tonight, etc. – I would slowly lose the ability to make the kind of rational ethical decisions you’re criticizing him for.
Heck, even going a day or two without sleep is enough to make the average functional person incapable of pragmatic, rational thought.
I have never been homeless or close to being homeless, but it seems incredibly likely that under the stress of losing my job, not knowing where my next meal is from, where to sleep tonight, etc. – I would slowly lose the ability to make the kind of rational ethical decisions you’re criticizing him for.
Heck, even going a day or two without sleep is enough to make the average functional person incapable of pragmatic, rational thought.
It seems clear to me that the author was experiencing an unmedicated psychotic disorder and gallantly owning the preposterous outlook he had at the time. So, not bragging, just plainly stating the sort of bigger than life delusions that come with the territory.
Which parts do you think were the delusions?
> It reaffirmed a delusion that had previously gripped my mind and begun my psychosis; I must be dead. This place, purgatory. I prayed for a quest or that my retribution was almost over, so that I could go back to land of the living.
...
> The old lady’s came marching in, and fed us pasta and bread and cake and cookies. There was Coca Cola. I ate because I had no choice, but suspicious of the sugar they forced on us. We slept on green mats. Most of the folks, drenched theirs in Industrial Clorox. I thought they had it wrong. Embrace the filth. Do you trust the chemicals?
...
> Some of the people around me drenched theirs in mountains of maple syrup. Is sugar the enemy?
...
> My paranoia of the place had dissipated slightly as the idea of having my own room felt pretty nice.
...
> I had refused to steal, convinced I was in purgatory and doing the “right thing” was the only way to pass the test. But standing there, the rules dissolved.
This article is dripping with psychosis. It's a story about a failing health care system.
Reading some of these comments, I'm starting to understand how the system could be the way it is, and just how far we have left yet to go.
...
> The old lady’s came marching in, and fed us pasta and bread and cake and cookies. There was Coca Cola. I ate because I had no choice, but suspicious of the sugar they forced on us. We slept on green mats. Most of the folks, drenched theirs in Industrial Clorox. I thought they had it wrong. Embrace the filth. Do you trust the chemicals?
...
> Some of the people around me drenched theirs in mountains of maple syrup. Is sugar the enemy?
...
> My paranoia of the place had dissipated slightly as the idea of having my own room felt pretty nice.
...
> I had refused to steal, convinced I was in purgatory and doing the “right thing” was the only way to pass the test. But standing there, the rules dissolved.
This article is dripping with psychosis. It's a story about a failing health care system.
Reading some of these comments, I'm starting to understand how the system could be the way it is, and just how far we have left yet to go.
I see how it could be an actual psychosis, but I read it as full of rhetorical questions / observations / figurative speech. For example "is sugar the enemy?" could easily be a commentary on having to choose between unhealthy calories and having not enough when offered free meal. Paranoia and purgatory is phrasing often used by people for more fancy descriptions rather than literal.
"It begun my psychosis" is a literal statement.
Maybe if you miss that sentence, the rest can fly under the radar. Assuming one also ignores the commonly reported correlation between homelessness and mental illness. But try and have those two elements front of mind, and re-read the article: it should be abundantly clear that this is in no way a healthy person down on his luck--this is a story of someone going through a mental break.
Maybe if you miss that sentence, the rest can fly under the radar. Assuming one also ignores the commonly reported correlation between homelessness and mental illness. But try and have those two elements front of mind, and re-read the article: it should be abundantly clear that this is in no way a healthy person down on his luck--this is a story of someone going through a mental break.
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It is scary. We live in a harsh world. I hope you made it through.
needs more backstory. what's your crime and why aren't you being paid for your superbowl work?
I think the superbowl work is the present and the homelessness was a flashback
Exactly, he was homeless for 6 months is what I understood.
I'm not sure if this is real account or AI slop -- possibly a mix of both.
But the US is a f*cking dystopia at this point.
How come the richest country of the world - the model of capitalism - allows so many of their citizens go homeless?
It's mindblowing.
But the US is a f*cking dystopia at this point.
How come the richest country of the world - the model of capitalism - allows so many of their citizens go homeless?
It's mindblowing.
> the model of capitalism
They've got capital, but I'd argue that they're long way from model capitalism since some time. There's both over- (regulatory capture) and under regulation (consumer and environment protection) that goes against this and companies have enough sway to influence the law and consequently the market. Free market in the original sense of "free from all forms of economic privilege, monopolies and artificial scarcities" is not even a goal anymore.
They've got capital, but I'd argue that they're long way from model capitalism since some time. There's both over- (regulatory capture) and under regulation (consumer and environment protection) that goes against this and companies have enough sway to influence the law and consequently the market. Free market in the original sense of "free from all forms of economic privilege, monopolies and artificial scarcities" is not even a goal anymore.
What about freedom from starving in the streets?
That's not a freedom.
It’s a special kind of delusion that thinks being dead is more free than being alive.
You're wrong, in two ways:
- bodily autonomy; people do have the freedom to sign DNRs, which is death being more free than being alive, as it's about choice
- freedom isn't to do with people giving you things; it's about being able to choose things. It's not "freedom from"; it's "freedom to"
- bodily autonomy; people do have the freedom to sign DNRs, which is death being more free than being alive, as it's about choice
- freedom isn't to do with people giving you things; it's about being able to choose things. It's not "freedom from"; it's "freedom to"
Freedom to die by one’s own choice is indeed a freedom.
Stupid semantic games. “Freedom to” not die in the streets works just as well.
Stupid semantic games. “Freedom to” not die in the streets works just as well.
You seem to be implying that to fail to enforce the right to sustenance nets negative freedom. It's not clear whether you've weighed the loss in freedom required to enforce this right. Can I presume you believe this right is worth forcing people to give, forcing by threat of armed expropriation or incarceration?
It is depressing easy to have this happen and even worse how many people are convinced it could never be them.