This is absolutely a problem that could be easily accommodated if there was any desire to do so, but I think focusing on gender is a big misunderstanding of the larger problem: society doesn't care about people with disabilities. If you're looking to engage with people working towards the totally reasonable outcomes you want, I'd invite you to wade into the disability advocacy space. I think you'll find that much more productive than the men's rights space (which, like the rest of society, doesn't really care about people with disabilities). You are absolutely right that it shouldn't be like this.
> Many people want to be told what they might comfortably be expected to do
Sounds like Queer Liberation is for you! This is very common, and there are very traditional roles for this in my community. I know plenty of ladies who will tell their partners what they are comfortably expected to do. It's a high consent environment, so you still ultimately have the right to choose differently.
I'm sorry to hear about these bad outcomes from misunderstandings. One useful tool I picked up from Nonviolent Communication (NVC) that might help you is to request the other person repeat back in their own words what they heard you say/request. It definitely feels clunky because we don't typically ask this of people. Proactively as the listener you can offer to summarize the thoughts or request of the speaker to make sure you really received what they were saying, and ask if there's any part of it they want to clarify. "Let me make sure I understood you. What I heard you say was..." Maybe a useful analogy is to think of it as the md5sum of the exchange. I don't tend to find arguments clarifying because true listening breaks down (further).
This is an incorrect reading of the term. BIPOC is US-specific. You'd have to look at teachings from Sami activists to see the most useful framing for indigenous erasure in Scandinavia. Also, it does not place black and indigenous people as not POC, the aim is "undoing Native invisibility, anti-Blackness, dismantling white supremacy and advancing racial justice."[0]. It instead centers the two groups who have been the most marginalized in the US.
Adding to this from the BIPOC Project [0]
"We use the term BIPOC to highlight the unique relationship to whiteness that Indigenous and Black (African Americans) people have, which shapes the experiences of and relationship to white supremacy for all people of color within a U.S. context."
Not all groups face the same oppression and this term intentionally names the two groups which are systematically the most oppressed in a US context.
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