People like you sanewashing the actions of this admin are a major part of the problem.
Even if this were how the system was designed, it is time to acknowledge that it is fundamentally broken and needs change. It is mind boggling that the response to these issues amounts to WONTFIX.
> the keys leave imprints on the monitor after the lid has been closed
Same with my Late 2013 MacBook Pro.
> the keyboard with it's rickety keys
I haven't used the XPS keyboards extensively but they seem to get good reviews and in my limited experience, I definitely prefer them to the new MacBook keyboards (which I've used quite a bit).
> I eat tramadol just to handle the back-pain from carrying it around in my rucksack
The XPS 13 is actually lighter than the MacBook Pro 13 and the new MacBook Air. The XPS 15 is half a pound heavier than the MacBook Pro 15, which should be barely noticeable when carried in a backpack. I am not quite following.