My two-cents, I found myself in this position about six years ago. I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu - a sizable time commitment in an of itself - and for the first time really had balance. Now that by itself won't solve the problem. Around that same time I unexpectedly found myself in a new vertical in software (building game backend services). So perhaps moving to a different vertical in software, combined with something to bring the balance - might just be a possible solution. I get that I'm not answering your question, but this worked for me.