Stoicism is a tricky concept to internalize without first dealing with the underlying emotional responses.
Learning about something and knowing it's a better way feels good in the short term, but the risk for someone stuck in some deep emotional traumas like OP described is similar to telling an alcoholic to stop drinking.
This is inspiring, thanks! I'm on a similar path and am about a year in. I now have a blog, app, and infra stack each in their own repos, each with their own deployment automations. I run a solo kanban board on Trello to help me prioritize what to work on next.
I don't know if the current project will turn into anything useful to others or not. But it feels satisfying to look at the list of little "done" cards and see how each of them has contributed to something tangible, while both the product and my skills are improving with each deployment.
When I'm ready for the next project, this year of work is reusable to launch something new super quickly. And the infra cost is close to zero while I work on it thanks to static site hosting and serverless tech. If it ever gets enough traffic to bill me I'll be happy to pay it because that will validate something useful is there.
My next step is to make it "good enough" to share it in the wild. That part is still scary. I'm almost there though.