Ask HN: What have you learnt from your mistakes?
4 comments
I've repeatedly made the mistake (to the degree that it was a habit up until recently) of assuming the intent of other people, and adding matching caveats to my speech rather than giving the other person the opportunity to express themselves (or not). Asking questions and waiting for the answer, as long as it takes, even if it's uncomfortable, has been a change that feels healthy.
Another mistake I made is that for a year or so I replaced running with walking. I now do both again; running for one set of mental and physical benefits, and walking for a different set of mental and physical benefits. I expect I'll be back to a healthier weight in a few months, and less irritable within days. I'll also sleep better and not feel so restless and unused.
Third mistake: putting off finding a sense of purpose, and playing videogames for decades instead. The bar to engagement is so low with well-designed games that they provided a temporary sense of purpose that left me feeling hollow afterwards. It's not all bad, as these games (Diablo 1-3, WoW, and Hearthstone being the most compelling slots machines) may well have kept me away from other potentially-more-harmful escapes, and kept me even-keel enough to make it where I am today (a parent helping to raise our child, and someone who finally practices work-THEN-play rather than full-bore procrastination). I still play games, but a much smaller subset and almost entirely just with a couple close friends, as a way to stay in touch. I've sworn off all Blizzard games and most solo games. When I do get sucked in (most recently Slay the Spire, for a couple weeks), I see it for what it is, go along for the ride, and dismount & move on, appreciating the art and craft and not beating myself up for time I wasn't reading a book or going for a walk (though going for a wander in a less-familiar part of the woods pushes a lot of the buttons I like games for). Having a sense of purpose is important to me, and I actively pushed it away when I was younger because I conflated it with religion.
Another mistake I made is that for a year or so I replaced running with walking. I now do both again; running for one set of mental and physical benefits, and walking for a different set of mental and physical benefits. I expect I'll be back to a healthier weight in a few months, and less irritable within days. I'll also sleep better and not feel so restless and unused.
Third mistake: putting off finding a sense of purpose, and playing videogames for decades instead. The bar to engagement is so low with well-designed games that they provided a temporary sense of purpose that left me feeling hollow afterwards. It's not all bad, as these games (Diablo 1-3, WoW, and Hearthstone being the most compelling slots machines) may well have kept me away from other potentially-more-harmful escapes, and kept me even-keel enough to make it where I am today (a parent helping to raise our child, and someone who finally practices work-THEN-play rather than full-bore procrastination). I still play games, but a much smaller subset and almost entirely just with a couple close friends, as a way to stay in touch. I've sworn off all Blizzard games and most solo games. When I do get sucked in (most recently Slay the Spire, for a couple weeks), I see it for what it is, go along for the ride, and dismount & move on, appreciating the art and craft and not beating myself up for time I wasn't reading a book or going for a walk (though going for a wander in a less-familiar part of the woods pushes a lot of the buttons I like games for). Having a sense of purpose is important to me, and I actively pushed it away when I was younger because I conflated it with religion.
I had a similar experience with gaming, but with Civilization V, Dwarf Fortress, and other RTS games. They felt enough like I was "working" that I didn't care/notice how much time I was wasting each day. Now I've moved on to the same work-then-play mentality you described, but even then I try to replace gaming with reading or creative projects.
Watching my own sense of purpose change as I've gotten older has been interesting. I used to have a carefree (and careless), go with the flow personality. In the last two years I've become achievement and goal-oriented. I think it feels much better to have a reason to get up each day.
Watching my own sense of purpose change as I've gotten older has been interesting. I used to have a carefree (and careless), go with the flow personality. In the last two years I've become achievement and goal-oriented. I think it feels much better to have a reason to get up each day.
Caregiver burnout is real and we have to self-regulate even if no one else seems to be stepping up.
If a person minimizes their own feelings and doesn't realize it, be it towards family or others, they will minimize yours' when the time comes and not see the damage they are doing regardless of how many ways you try telling them.
Once an addict, always an addict (e.g. gambling). The game may change but the instinct to react in a fight-or-flight way and protect one's wins versus think rationally will kick in.
If feeling neglected in a relationship, not to compare to others and try to incentivize one's partner to step up.
Shutting down and minimizing and invalidating and gas-lighting can be incredibly damaging. It isn't an "offensive" technique but damaging nonetheless.
If a person minimizes their own feelings and doesn't realize it, be it towards family or others, they will minimize yours' when the time comes and not see the damage they are doing regardless of how many ways you try telling them.
Once an addict, always an addict (e.g. gambling). The game may change but the instinct to react in a fight-or-flight way and protect one's wins versus think rationally will kick in.
If feeling neglected in a relationship, not to compare to others and try to incentivize one's partner to step up.
Shutting down and minimizing and invalidating and gas-lighting can be incredibly damaging. It isn't an "offensive" technique but damaging nonetheless.
I did not invest in the stock market properly in the last decade (mid-40s; tech income but just put it to paying off house - estimating this cost be at least 5 million bucks conservatively). Opening a stock account and will slow down paying off the house.
Since knowing about it, I have improved security practices and keep myself updated on the latest threats.